We’re supposed to be leaving for our trip in a couple of hours. I haven’t done anything – no packing, no cleaning, nothing. Normally, everything would be done by yesterday. When I think about the next 2 weeks, I feel nauseous. <P>Its been so long that I’ve been fighting internally with his behaviour. He told me he wasn’t having an affair (I asked him once months ago, I haven’t asked recently), but there are signs that point in that direction. If he isn’t physically involved with someone else, at the very least he doesn’t love me the way he used to. He doesn’t feel for me what I feel for him. I KNOW this – I don’t know how, but somewhere deep in my heart it’s as clear as a bell. (that he couldn’t answer when I asked him was a clue <g> )<P>I know he doesn’t really want this to be “our” vacation. He needs/wants a vacation and how could he suggest going without me? So, he’s looking to get away – and if the price he has to pay is spending the time with me, so be it. Now I’m expected to spend every minute of the next 2 weeks with him. I don’t think I can do it – I’m going to make a fool of myself. And then I’ll hate myself for breaking down – where the h*ll is my self respect? And I’ll hurt all over again, and I’ll be 600 miles away in a small room with my torturer and there’s only so long you can spend crying in the shower. <P>I’m thinking about backing out and letting him go without me. It might not be the bravest thing, but it’s looking pretty smart to me right now.<BR>

I found ot last Aug.... although he continues to deny to this very day. We went on vacation in Sept and had a horrible time. I tried to bring up working on our marriage.. he started the silient treatment and we were miserable. Now he holds it against me as having ruined our vacation. And he really needs to relax on his vacations he told his sister.<P>So, all I can say is don't do as I did. Are you doing plan A. I think it would be ideal if you could do a good plan A and concentrate on showing him a good time... reminding him of the fun you two can have together. Try to schedual alot of activities so you dont have to focus on the 2 of you. Maybe even some time apart shopping or something if you need to loose it once in awhile. Think of how he is spending this time with you and make the most of it. Try not to focus on the bad.<P>I don't know if this is possible.. I didn't know about MB when I went on vacation and totally blew it. But I will pray you can do better. I think you should go tho... really try and look at it as an opportunity to shine in your plan A.<P>Best of luck,<BR>Lora

Each contact is an opportunity to change things. I KNOW it is hard. I know it is so difficult when you don't want to be there, when you feel you're being lied to, and when you know something is going on behind your back, but if you love your H and want this to work, you will do what you can to change things.<P>I am confronted daily with stuff that makes me boil! I just want to throw that witch OW a broom and banish her to the ends of the earth, but we don't even talk about her. We talk about pleasant stuff. I know we're avoiding a lot of loaded issues, but it keeps us talking and connected.<P>And you know what? It's working. He called the other day to ask me some real estate advice. Kept me on the phone for 20 minutes. I feel like he wanted to just be close rather than he was really interested in real estate.<P>And today he shared some of his fears and feelings. It was unsolicited. I just listened and supported. So, he's opening the door for me to meet his emotional needs again and is trusting me.<P>If things keep going in this direction, we will get to a point where facing the truth is not so hard. You can too. But you have to nurture your love and your husband by simply being pleasant. Be pleasant and your trip will be pleasant. It won't happen over night. it won't change in just one day, but it will change.

Robert and I went out of town together AFTER he told me about PT but before he left me.<P>What a hard week! At least parts of it. But I was good and parts of it were fun. It was hard, he would leave me, sitting at a restaurant table, after I got ready for bed and go somewhere (the bathroom, the car, wherever!) and take the time to call PT and talk with her. It broke my heart. But I still Plan A'd my little heart out!!<P>Yes, he left anyway. But....and I just found this out...it made an impression. He just told me last night that that trip "tore his heart apart" and was the real beginning of his thinking twice about what he was doing. Set the stage for the rest of the Plan A to sink in.<P>You CAN do this. It's as hard as you imagine it will be - even harder, but so very worthwhile.<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori

This is an oportunity I wish I could re-live.<P>My W and I traveled out of state 12/99 for a race she had trained for all year. After she left I insisted I still go with her. Besides, plane tickets were bought long before she left. If I had all the input and information I have seen at this site, I would not feel like it may be hopeless. Remind yourself what LB's are and stay cool.<P>rrunrr<BR>