I was wondering if you guys think I should change my name. I think my name is scaring people off. I don't want to seem like an outsider because of my name. Any suggestions?<P>The reason why I picked Yuki Miaka is because it's based on this really cool anime that I saw where two people, Miaka and Tamahome, are madly in love, kinda like me and my husband. I thought it would be a cool name to have, but I think (I'm not sure of this) it's scaring people away. Thanks a lot. <P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Check it out!:)

I would appreciate it if there were no flames. I'm just asking if I should change my name or not, nothing else intended.<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Check it out!:)

Don't change it Yuki, I know your here. If you change it people might not recognize you and then you will need to start all over. <P>Don't take things personally. I find I get the most response from those that are in similiar situations that I am in or have been in. <P>WE all care about you )))))))))

Bad girl...lolol<P>Don't even think of changing your user name.<P>Bill

I think it is a fine name.

Yuki Miaka, Yuki Miaka,<BR>What can you say about Yuki Miaka,<BR>I don't think it's a scare,<BR>In fact, I think it's quite rare,<BR>I think she should keep it, <BR>It's sounds like a rocka!<P>Yuki Miaka, Yuki Miaka,<BR>What else can you say about Yuki Miaka,<BR>She's a gal who likes games,<BR>Lives somewhere in space, what a dame!<BR>She should know we all love her,<BR>Even if her life now seems ca-ca.<P>Yuki Miaka, Yuki Miaka,<BR>What more can I say about Yuki Miaka,<BR>We'll help her if we can,<BR>To hang on to her man,<BR>Living a life full of love,<BR>And with our God to be walkin'.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited July 07, 2000).]

It's a keeper!

Thanks guys, I was thinking that I might get flamed for this. I shall keep this name awhile longer.<P>missy9:<P>Thanks missy9. I understand about having to start all over again, but it seems like absolutely no one is in my situation, that's why I don't tell it anymore. Besides, it's not as bad as I thought it was, although, I probably don't have REAL biological family with the exception of my brother, that's it. It's real sad when you think of because when a person is down or something MOST (I didn't say all! ) people go talk to their family, but I can't do that. I haven't had a lot of things growing up and lots of horrible things happen to me and that crap helped almost kill my marriage. I'm not saying that the reason me and Tama weren't getting along is because of me because he did stuff too. It just that my past almost killed me as a human being and at 21 I'm beginning to face the people who helped to almost destroy. It's a lot to take on right now with trying to repair my marriage and stuff, but I think I can do with as long as I ask God for help, right? Sorry that was so long, I guess I was feeling a little sad about the family thing today. Anyway, I appreciate you caring about me. It helps a lot. <P>WilliamJ:<P> I'll keep it awhile longer. <P>popeye:<P>Thanks. <P>Mrs.O:<P>That's a really COOL poem you wrote for me! I think I'm going to print it out and save it because it's really cool! <P>Resilient:<P>Thanks! <P><P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Check it out!:)

Yuki,<P>Don't think that you're the only one who can't talk to family. I have two loving parents, 3 older brothers and a younger sister and don't feel like I can really talk to any of them. Even tho we had a good family, we were never open emotionally to each other. I can sort of talk to my parents (my Mom especially), but they really don't understand what I'm going thru...they've been married 55+ years and don't really like to talk about problems, etc.<P>I live in a very rural area of the Big Island of Hawaii and don't have any neighbors nearer thatn 1/2 mile away. I think having this forum to talk to is the best support group I could have ever found. Even if no body else on this board is like me or is going thru the same thing as I am, it just helps to have people who somewhat understand the pain that marriage problems, mid-life crises, etc. causes.<P>Keep coming here and pour out your heart. I've found alot of help here....you might also go to the Women's Bible Study section...there is always someone there who will pray with you.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

Hi Mrs.O! Please don't take this the wrong way or anything, but my parents, especially my mother, was anything but loving. My mother was the reason why I wanted to die. She abused me so badly emotionally that a lot of people are still wondering how I turned out the way I did. Let's just say she did everything but kill me. I think she should have. My father was no better. He had an affair while he was married to my mother, but decided that that whore was more important than his own children (me and my brother). He has his first grandchild (my son) and he won't even really come around for him. I'm fed up with the both of them. He should've stayed in contact with us. He could've stopped what she (along with this other SOB, my "grandfather" but not really) was doing to us, but he would've rather been with that whore. That SOB petifile "grandfather" has destroyed my ENTIRE family! The good part is that he's going to get back what he did to all of us. My mother and father are going to get theirs too. The only REAL family I had growing up was my brother because he knew what was going on. It's a very disgusting and horrible past I have, but I'm learning to deal with it and move on. <P>I'm so sorry. I guess I needed to vent because it makes me sooooo angry how the ones that tried to destroy me as a person are still walking around without a care in the world. It makes me angry.......I'll be OK. I'm just having a hard time remembering a lot of things that happened.......I want to know everything that happened to me since I was a child because it's ruining my marriage. Oh man, what am I going to do?<P>PS In no way was this aimed at you because I'm just venting about my past.....again....<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Check it out!:)

Dear Yuki,<P>I'm so sorry about the horrible way you were treated and how it has affected not only your marriage, but you whole life. NO ONE should treat their children that way and yes, they are incredibly horrible people for acting this way.<P>In a way, it will always be a part of you. It will always affect all that you do. It's like you got your leg cut off as a kid. You will NEVER have a leg. You will always be "handicapped" in a way because of this. Now, you can spend the rest of your life lamenting and hating that OR you can look at it and say, "how can I live my life in love and not in regret."<P>It isn't fair and it shouldn't have happened. But it did. I pray that you can see it for what it is, and let it go. It's terribly hard to do. Ask the Lord for help. Ask the Lord to give you HIS EYES for your Mom and your grandfather. Somehow, there was something very, very wrong in their upbringing for them to act in such a matter. But God still loves them, believe it or not. He still hope that they will turn to Him. No matter what happens in the future, you can't go back and change the past. All you can do is take each day at a time and try to change the NOW so that you don't look back on today with regret. <P>YOU can change the legacy of hate and abuse that is being passed on, but it will take lots of work...forgiveness...letting go, etc. But the Lord can help you. Your relationship with them may never get better, but you will see them differently. <P>I had alot of anger at my Father for many years. A friend helped me by showing me a little exercise. I took all the things that I was angry at him about and wrote them on individual pieces of paper. Then I held them in my hand and prayed "Father, give me your grace to not let this thing affect me anymore. Show me how YOU see my dad." Then one by one, I took the papers, read each one outloud and placed them in the fireplace, one by one. It was very freeing. And when I thought about them, I felt (believe it or not) sorry for my dad instead of hate. And that made me want to pray for him.<P>It was one little step. Maybe it'll work for you. My heart goes out to you....but please don't let the anger eat you up. I can just tell by your posts that you have a beautiful spirit, despite all that has happened to you. Let God water your spirit and it will continue to grow and bloom.<P>One last thing....read the Old Testament book of Habakkuk. It's only 3 chapters long and it's Habakkuk's cry to God on how come the wicked always seem to prosper and how the world is so full of "crap." It ends with a beautiful declaration of him saying that no matter what happens and even when all looks dim, "yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God my Saviour." <P>God bless you, Yuki. I will pray for you.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>PS Don't worry about venting...that's what we're hear for...we all do it...we all need it from time to time. Better to vent here than to you husband or other family members.<BR>

Mrs.O:<P>Thank you so much! I try hard everyday (but sometimes I fail) not to let this stuff bother me. I don't worry about it or think about it everyday, but I can't ignore it when I do. I still can't remember a lot of the things that happened to me and I've asked the Lord to show me all of them no matter how much it hurts. I'm tired of not knowing. I want to be free of this pain. Believe me, I would rather be free than to be angry at them all the time. I will try what you said with the pieces of paper. I hope it helps me. Thank you so much for caring about me! <P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Check it out!:)