Hi everyone. I had to post under my old username, NoTrust. I am away on vacation and couldn't remember the password to my new username, Survivor.<P>The kids & I are away on vacation for 2 weeks, without H. This Sat, H will meet us and stay with us for 2 more weeks and we will all fly back home together.<P>I haven't heard from H in 1 day and I'm already freaking out. He is usually so good at calling me, but he hasn't returned my call left on answering machine at home.<P>Recovery (since last March 1999) has been fairly good, although it started out very rocky.<P>While my H & I are physically separated, I'm hoping that he isn't doing anything naughty (Such as falling off the alcohol wagon or contact with OW). Last contact with OW was last Nov 1999 when she e-mailed him and he responded.<P>While I have been away, I have had several dreams about fantasy men who are very kind and romantic. Another problem was that I had an urge to contact former boyfriend while I am away on vacation from H.<P>What am I supposed to make of all this??

Survivor,<P>I answered your other thread about not being able to reach him. Is that what started the fantasies?? I do that when he is not being sensitive to me. I have to stop it.<P>Two weeks is a long time to be apart, even without the additional trust issues we have. Could this be adding to the sense of estrangement? I have moved mountains and then some to avoid being apart. I've spent 11 weeks in hotels this year following him around on most of his business trips.<P>For me, it's either that or he changes jobs. He is still trying to reduce the travel at his job. But, we do still have to be apart and it is very hard on me to not be able to reach him, even apart from checking up on him.<P>------------------<BR>Cindy

Hi Schizzo,<P>Thanks for replying to this post too. Maybe these fantasy feelings started because of being apart from H...but I really don't know.<P>Although I try hard to NOT Lovebust, I am still having a rough time dealing with the memory of his betrayal. It makes me remember what he is capable of doing to me.<P>I thought that my H loved me, but obviously, he didn't love me enough to stay faithful to me. I just can't get over that. It is painful to me, along with a blow to my own ego & self-esteem.<P>I don't understand these dreams & fantasies lately, but I don't want them to become reality. That only creates problems & heartaches. I just wish that I knew why I am having these dreams & urges lately. I can't control my dreams. I feel that if I am having dreams like this (and urges too), then something must be wrong with me!

I don't think something is wrong with you b/c you are having these dreams. I had similar dreams last year when i was in withdrawl from my H. I would dream of being with someone who was totally in love with me, someone who showed me alot of affection. <BR>Looking back at it now I was having these dreams b/c that was what I was missing in my relationship with my H. I was in total withdrawl and I so wanted to be close to somebody. Now that we are close again, and he started to show me the affection that I needed I no longer have those dreams. <BR>So I think it may be b/c it is something that you are longing for, a need that you are not getting from your H.<BR>Try not to contact your ex boyfriend, that will only cause problems, I hope everything works out for you.<P><BR>

NoTrust,<BR> Check out Same Becca's post over on the recovery board.It seems these feelings are maybe a part of us somehow still processing this trauma we've survived.<BR> I am scaring myself,you two have these feelings of estrangement when H is away for quite awhile,I can get them just while he's gone to work!!<P> Cindy,I too notice I start to think about other men when H has been a bit insensitive.I think I kind of get a feeling of "I deserve to have better/more after what I've been through".I also can throw a mean pity party if I dwell on the fact that he didn't love me enough to stay faithful to me.That's just a fact and I too know I am having a very difficult time putting that totally behind me.Sometimes I think I'd be playing the fool if I did. That is hard to live with.I so wish I had an answer for how to live with that fact and put it in a positive light for the rest of my life!<P>Anyway,as troubling as these thoughts may be,it's good to know I'm not alone.Makes me at least think it's a normal thing and that I'm not just looking for a good reason to have an affair of my own.I just wouldn't/couldn't do it.

Hi Survivor,<P>You know what I think? I think we can dream any darn thing we want. If you find some solace in your dreams,it's great. WS can take from us our trust, self-respect,dignity, hopes, security. They can't take our dreams...just let em' try!!<P>Enjoy your dreams, and realize they are a way your sub-consious is working to solve your problems.<P>I'm kinda jealous actually. Wish Sean Connery would show up in one of my dreams.LOL<P>allison<BR>

NoTrust:<P> Have you been able to stop thinking of them? If so, How?<P>Thanks. --Ripped

Well...for the last couple of days, I haven't any dreams of any fantasy men. I guess that is good. But, I did notice one particular attractive man and did take a second glance when he passed by.<P>Please tell me if I did something wrong. Is this bad??