<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

{{{Off/On}}}:<P>I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation, but I'm glad you found your way here. Have you read some of the information on this site about affairs? I think it will help you. Start here: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html</A> .<P>Your wife's reaction does not sound too unusual for someone caught in an affair. I'm glad that she has decided to stay with you, if only for the children's sake. It will make Plan A ( <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html</A> ) easier for you. Try to identify any emotional needs the other man is providing that you may not have been and try to provide those for your wife. Whatever you find, realize the affair is not your fault! But the only person you can change is you, and this site can give you some ideas on where to start.<P>Your wife is in a fantasy world right now. It will be just about impossible to talk sense into her while she is in the fantasy. The only thing you can do is to make sure that the real world, the world of her marriage, is an attractive alternative when she discovers that the fantasy can't go on.<P>Life will be difficult for you for quite a while to come, but there is hope for you and your wife to get back together as a couple, and not just the parents of your children. <P>Good luck to you. Let us know how you're doing. --HBC<p>[This message has been edited by HurtButCoping (edited July 14, 2000).]

Welcome to MB.<P>Do read the sight. In the section, just found out, NSR has many links to parts of the site.<P>At least she wants to stay, but you and she can't live like that for years. The first thing is to show her love doing a Plan A.<P>Have you read Surviving an Affair? It is excellent. My h, who was having the affair, bought it and we have used it as our guidebook.<P>Keep posting, there are many good people here.

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

So play the game by her rules. She has a commitment to her children and has given you the next 8 years. Act like you are in agreement and use it to your advantage. As long as you are in the same house and have to talk about the children and every day life, you have an opportunity to make headway. Plan A your heart out. <P>As far as the cultural thing, you may be right. Maybe she feels she has turned her back on you and has no right to ask you to accept her back. Maybe this whole "We're over" thing is a defense mechanism to give her a false sense of control over what happens in your relationship? No matter the reason, I believe you can win her love back by simply acting loving to her and not allowing your love bank to be destroyed by negativity. Her guilt or cultural conditioning can be erased through your love.

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>