H and I spent last Sunday night with the ILs. OW does not know I was with H. We went out to lunch (he paid) on Tuesday. He spent the night here Tuesday night (separate beds). OW thinks he stayed at his mom's. Saw him again Wednesday. He called me at 12:30am Thursday. Wanted to see if I had gone out. It was the first time he had called to "check up on me". Talked to him Thursday. He then took her to a concert. Here is where I'm bummed. He admitted to me that his boss and his wife were going as well. Turns out other people from his job were there. OW met some of them. I am very depressed about this. And yet, he could have lied to me instead he WAS honest and didn't keep the truth from me but it hurts like he!!. Today I have talked to him 4 times (both of us calling one another). I'm going out and he is NOT happy about this. He can't stand the people I go out with. Actually, he can't stand the a couple of the people that show up when we go out. Why? They are men but supposedly that's not what bothers him (like HE!! it doesn't) but it's actually because of their race. Now he says he is prejudice. Maybe I should remind him that some of his best friends in the past were of a different nationality. So he goes on and on that I should find new friends. You know, he even admitted to me a couple of weeks ago that if I was did to him what he is doing to me he would kill the guy. Amazing!!<P>So what the heck is really going on here? Together we come up with the story he gives the OW when he goes out with me. He calls me many times during the day. He stays here at least 1 night/week. He tells me his plans for the day even if they include her (I know what they are doing tonight for instance). He gets upset when I go out and is now checking up on me. I'm not exagerrating here. I speak with him at least 3 times EVERY day and see him at least 5x per week. And yet, he brings her out and starts introducing her to people from work. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! <P>Okay, maybe I just needed to vent. This whole concert thing just pi$$&$ me off! I really needed to say this here. Otherwise, he'll hear it and it won't be too nice.<P>Thanks for listening...<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

{{{Molli}}}:<P>Hang in there--you're doing great!!! --HBC

Unfortunately it's hard to know what these things mean. It's easy to see how they give us both courage and frustration. Every time I thought I had everything figured out, I was wrong. Some new thing happened that turned everything around. Finally, I stopped trying to figure it out.<P>For example, my H stared coming over and calling more frequently. He started confiding in me about his problems, his hopes, and wishes again. He started talking of our future together, and then it abruptly stopped. It could be that he and his OW witch were fighting and now they are not. It could be that she was out of town. It could be that he was horny. It could be that she suspected something and did something to influence him away again. It could be that he's just been busy and overwhelmed with whatever he's got going on. It could be that he has a totally different OW now. It could be that he just genuinely missed me. Who knows!<P>My point is, we can make ourselves crazy trying to figure this stuff out. The wondering gets us off track of what is important and what we want. If you want reconciliation, don't let it bother you. There will be time to address this and set yourself back up in your rightful place in the eyes of his co-workers later. Love busting now is not going to help. You're doing well, so focus on that. Focus on his calls, his attention, and reciprocating that good feeling that is between you when you are together. You have the advantage of being the wife and the history of years. What do they have? Take advantage. <P>If he's going to have a mistress, it might as well be you! Why can't you enjoy the time of not having to do his laundry and being taken to lunch? ha! Make him plot to see you. Live it up, girl!

HBC - <P>Thanks. I needed that.<P>Popeye -<P>Thanks for the reality check. It's when I'm trying to figure him out that I have stressful days. There are plenty of days I just enjoy the time with him. I need to lighten up a little and enjoy the times he does want to be with me. As far as the coworker thing...I know I will have plenty of time to make an impression later on. It was only a one time thing for my H and OW. It hurts but I can get over it.<P>Thanks again! I feel much better!<P> <P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!