hello, im new at this but i have to talk to someone. i came home from work monday night 3 weeks ago. my wife told me she was seeing somebody else. she told this story of how they met in wal-mart , and have stayed in tuch with each other for 7 months. she gathered up her cloths and left for her moms. later that night i went over to talk to her and, tell her i was sorry for geting mad when she said that. then she tells me she just made the whole thing up so she could leave. she said she needs time apart from me to see why she feels like she dose. she says she has lost the love in our marriage, and she dont know why she feels that way. i have known her long enough {20 years of marriage} to know she is not seeing anyone else. she just wont give me a reason why she feels the way she feels. i moved in with my mom so she would bring the kids back to there home. im so hurt and confused right now i dont know what to do. i feel so alone and in the dark about all this. all i want is my wife and my life back. i give her money every week to keep the house going, and twice a week we have sex. {not make love} i dont know what is going on. im so scared i will lose her, but i cant go on like this, with out any hope. i just dont know what to do anymore. can someone help me please? i just wanted to add to this message that i wish there was a web site to chat with other people about this stuff. some times the sooner we get some answers, the better off we are. ?????<p>[This message has been edited by hurt husband (edited July 16, 2000).]

Hello Hurt Husband,<P>I don't post much anymore, but occasionally lurk around here. Your user name caught my attention, as I had a hurt husband for quite some time. <P>I know that others will be by to reply to this, but I want you to know several things:<P>You are not alone. There are many hurt husbands and wives around here. You will find caring support here.<P>You are not feeling anything that any of us who have been on either side of this thing (betrayed or betrayer) have felt. You are NORMAL and it hurts like hell.<P>You can do some things to help your marriage, but most of all you can learn some things that will help YOU to be a better man, even a better husband (H), and hopefully to win your (W) wife back.<P>Read all over this site... read everything! Go to the "Just Found Out" area, although it isn't as busy, you will find others in your exact spot! Here's a link for you:<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=29&SUBMIT=Go" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=29&SUBMIT=Go</A> <BR> <BR>One other thing. You say your W said that she is seeing someone else, and then later say that you know she isn't. Take her at her word here and fight for her as if there is someone else. <P>Take care, and best wishes to you.<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited July 16, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by new_beginning:<BR><B>Hello Hurt Husband,<P>I don't post much anymore, but occasionally lurk around here. Your user name caught my attention, as I had a hurt husband for quite some time. <P>I know that others will be by to reply to this, but I want you to know several things:<P>You are not alone. There are many hurt husbands and wives around here. You will find caring support here.<P>You are not feeling anything that any of us who have been on either side of this thing (betrayed or betrayer) have felt. You are NORMAL and it hurts like hell.<P>You can do some things to help your marriage, but most of all you can learn some things that will help YOU to be a better man, even a better husband (H), and hopefully to win your (W) wife back.<P>Read all over this site... read everything! Go to the "Just Found Out" area, although it isn't as busy, you will find others in your exact spot! Here's a link for you:<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=29&SUBMIT=Go" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=29&SUB MIT=Go</A> <BR> <BR>One other thing. You say your W said that she is seeing someone else, and then later say that you know she isn't. Take her at her word here and fight for her as if there is someone else. <P>Take care, and best wishes to you.<P>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited July 16, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>thank you so much new beginning for responding, im sure everybody is tired of hearing the same old sob story. its so hard for me to deal with , she wont talk to me. im going to strangers to try and find some help. i dont know how to deal with this. it took me by complete suprise that this could even be thought about, much less happen. im so confused, i dont know what to do anymore.<BR>thanks again, bye<BR>

Welcome, HurtHusband:<P>Well, you've just received your wake up call and if you're lucky you can still get back into the relationship.<P>So often we S don't expect what happens and then H or W is gone. Our head spins in disbelief while our life falls in around us.<P>But don't dispair, all hope is not gone. You've come to the right place. If you're lucky there is no other person to complicate matters. But don't assume there isn't.<P>If you want your wife back, then you're going to have to do a little work, a lot of introspection, and some planning.<P>Start by reading the information on this site, particularily about Plan A which is a staring point for restoring your marriage.<P>Just don't give up hope....it's way too soon.<P>Buffy<BR>