I have been posting in the Just Found Out forum- history is there. I confronted H yesterday about his A. I have no real proof of who this is, but I know that he is involved. There is a certain pager number that keeps popping up. Anyway, he told me that he has been receiving some strange letter like the one in my mailbox yesterday. He said that he is not having an affair, though if he were, he certainly feels justified (due to me not meeting his needs). He is planning on moving out in 1 to 2 weeks. I LBed big time when I got on my soapbox about why he wouldn't even make an attempt to make the marriage work. He told me again that you have to have the feelings to do the deeds. This is the old love you but not "in love with you" speech. He said that sex has been the best ever from a physical standpoint, but he is not getting emotional satisfaction from it. This is the biggest area that I was not meeting his needs and I have really been tring to do better. About the pager number- he said that it was nobody that concerned me! If I want to find out, hire a detective- it's not that hard to do. I asked him if he were having an affair, if he thought it be any of my business- he said absolutely. So why is this pager number nobody that concerns me? No answer- refused to discuss it further.<BR>When I kept asking him why he wouldn't try, he suggested that maybe we need to go to a counselor that we went to a couple of times in the past to see if he could explain it to me in a way I would understand. Maybe I should take him up on this? Why won't he admit the affair? Is this common? Still in the fog or is it really over?<BR>Sorry this is rambling- my thoughts are too. Have others of you been through the same thing? Any insight please!!!

TAke him up on the counseling offer. Continue Plan A as best you can. Once you get into counseling hopefully the truth will come out on whether he is having an affair or not. Evidence seems to point to an affair, possibly over, but is not unusual for betrayers to deny even when confronted. Have you considered phone counseling with Dr H?

Cloudy, as TMD suggested, take him up on the counseling offer!!<P>That's the best way my W and I have been able to communicate regarding the difficult things....don't always get somewhere, but at least we're addressing them...<P>theo<P>

Take him up on the counseling offer even if it only to understand why is unwilling to try to make the marriage work? I think we all know that I will be hoping for more- buut I also believe that our communication habits are pretty bad- even if we end up getting divorced, we will still be parents and better communication can't do anything but help.<BR>And- it's really hard to Plan A when he won't help me identify his needs. I know him pretty well, but he still shocks me sometimes. I'm trying!