Hi Friends,<BR>I haven't posted for awhile but I find myself needing help.<BR>I had an emotional affair with a co-worker that was moving into the physical stage when I decided to end the affair and move away to try and restore my marriage. In transition, apart from my wife for 2 months, I, knowing better, entered into a physical/emotional affair with a woman in my new work environment. I can't believe that I was so stupid to nearly destroy everything again! My wife is staying with me-conditionally. I feel so bad for treating her like s__t. <BR>Please don't flame me - I know I deserve it, but I recognize now that I have a problem I can't get a handle on and I need help! I've ended the affair, but withdrawal is tough - again. I've tried locating support groups for infidelity in my area (central Kansas in the middle of nowhere) but the physcology resources here just aren't helpful. Do you-all have any suggestions for me? I really want to correct myself and restore my marriage.<BR>Pilgrim<BR>

First of all I want to congratulate you for coming here and asking for help. As a betrayed spouse, I would have given anything if my ex had wanted to get help. As for a 12 step program, I am not sure about that one, but there is a book "12 steps of spiritual renewal" that may be helpful to you. It is similar to 12 steps of al anon, but in a different format. You will not be flamed here--this is a forum for all who want to save their marriage, no matter which side you are on. Others will be responding soon. You have taken the 1 st of the 12 steps--admitting you need help!!!

pilgrim:<P>I would suggest that you try the MarriageBuilder's phone counseling as an alternative to a 12-step program. I'm betting that you would find it more convenient, more effective, and better suited to your marriage. One issue with a 12-step program is that there's likely to be little involvement with your wife in the counseling. With MarriageBuilders, your wife can fully participate in the counseling, or she can just provide feedback on your behavior and progress. And at this point, you're better off NOT in a "support group"---lots of affairs start in exactly that type of situation (see <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/004047.html" TARGET=_blank>missy9's</A> posts as an illustration)<P>I've counseled with Steve Harley, and I found him extraordinarily effective (his sister also counsels). Give the office a call at 888-639-1639. I think it's your fastest way back to a healthy marriage.