Hi, for two years I've been going through hell. I was with him for 11 years and we have a lovely 7 year old daughter. He goes to her and then back to me. This has happened three times. The last time he was with her three and a half months, so I'm assuming that he really figured out that she isn't what he thought he wanted. He promised me all kind of things and lots of love. He is living with his mom and spends weekends with me and calls every night, but I feel like he is being very distant. I've done alittle bit of spying to know that he isn't seeing her, but wonder if maybe every now and then if she calls and if maybe he's constantly withdrawing from her. He won't talk about things. After two years I'm getting pretty tired of trying to hold on. Last week I wrote him a letter saying that obviously he's still unsure and maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while. He's acting a little bit better, but trys to pretend that everything is still the same and that there was never any letter written. Help, I really love him and can't wait til we can start depositing love units, but he acts like he's still withdrawing after 5 months. Could he really be sick of her, but withdrawing from an ideal of what he thought was real love and a romantic fantasy. Help me.<BR>

I'm going to post this to you even though our "official" greeter is back!! He's probably busy filling up his rerigerator after his return from vacation!!<P>Welcome to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forums.<BR>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OW/OM/OP).<BR>All of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB). Sometimes the acronyms are overwhelming... check out a summary of them HERE.<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the Marriage Builder's Home Page.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a sound understanding of Plan A and Plan B is crucial! For most everyone... Plan A... s anexcellent starting point!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR>Love Busters, Love Bank, Emotional Needs, Giver and Taker, The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA).<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the Articles and Infidelity Q&A.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the MB Bookstore... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley. This is the 'bible' for this forum.<BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like "His Needs, Her Needs", "Love Busters", and "Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility".<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around. There is a post that lists many of these non-Harley book recommendations... Books.<P>Most of all... you will find compassion and love here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here! This is true, not just for those betrayed... but the wayards as well!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, deep depression, and on and on... Again, these are felt not just by those betrayed... but in time by the waywards too.<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without support. That's where we come in! We care... because we know how it feels. Believe it... You are not alone! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... you are not alone! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used "we"!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they will join in with you. We do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice based on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>To help us understand your situation a bit better, and for you to get more responses, it is recommended that you update your profile with some measure of information. Information similar to that found in the ===>Roll Call post would be appreciated.<BR>When you get to know the personalities here a bit... there is a summary post listing the names alphabetically ===>Roll Call Index.<P>---------------------------------------------<P>There are several 'infidelity' forums to meet the needs of many and allow you to do some more specific posting...<BR>Just found out......for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR>Plan A/Plan B...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR>In recovery...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>General Questions... the most used forum... very active!... very supportive!<P>A summary of most recent forum changes can be found at Forum Changes.<P>--------------------------------------------<P>Weekends and holidays tend to be slow...<BR>Be patient with responses then...<P>--------------------------------------------<P>Once you've found you way around the MB sites... you may want to check out a collection of ===>Notable Posts/Threads mostly written by forum members. <P>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<P>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited June 09, 2000).]<P>

Welcome <B>Sad Girl</B>...<P>Yes... my fridge is now full!<P>The post by <B>Nerlycrzy</B> is what I have im a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<BR>Patience will have to be a watchword for you...<BR>...stay here with us and you'll get a tremendous amount of support! <P> <P>Jim

Welcome Sad Girl:<P>You've had some great first responses. Take them to heart and follow their lead.<P>When you have read a bit here, you will find a concept called Plan A and Plan B. Get acquainted with these because they will be the foundation of everything you do from this point on. <P>Believe me you will find someone on this board who has dealt with the same situation you are dealing with and can give you helpful information.<P>I, myself, am the resident expert on "taking your Husband back". I made so many mistakes before I found this board and have endured five years of continuous ins and out with my husband. <P>But I know what not to do and I'll tell you what I think about your situation. You are right to continue to not take your husband back until contact with OW is completely done. Please don't waiver on this one...it is very important in the long run and will probably limit the amount of time you will continue to suffer. <P>I know it's hard...boy, do I know. But I'm trying hard to be strong this time with MB and my friends here behind me.<P>We're here for you. Come here to rant and rave. We're behind you too.<P>Buffy<P>Hey, just a note, try to break your responses into shorter paragraphs so they're easier to read. No one ever tells the newbies this, so I'll tell you.<P><p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited July 20, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sad Girl:<BR><B>Hi, for two years I've been going through hell. I was with him for 11 years and we have a lovely 7 year old daughter. He goes to her and then back to me. This has happened three times. The last time he was with her three and a half months, so I'm assuming that he really figured out that she isn't what he thought he wanted. He promised me all kind of things and lots of love. He is living with his mom and spends weekends with me and calls every night, but I feel like he is being very distant. I've done alittle bit of spying to know that he isn't seeing her, but wonder if maybe every now and then if she calls and if maybe he's constantly withdrawing from her. He won't talk about things. After two years I'm getting pretty tired of trying to hold on. Last week I wrote him a letter saying that obviously he's still unsure and maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while. He's acting a little bit better, but trys to pretend that everything is still the same and that there was never any letter written. Help, I really love him and can't wait til we can start depositing love units, but he acts like he's still withdrawing after 5 months. Could he really be sick of her, but withdrawing from an ideal of what he thought was real love and a romantic fantasy. Help me.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Hi, this is sad girl. I just found out tonight that he never broke up with her. He's been seeing us both.AT this point I want nothing to do with him ever again. Two years is enough of bull****. I'm 42 and only 5 feet tall with long brown hair. I weigh only 98 pounds. I'm very good looking for my age. I have two teenagers and a seven year old daughter. I graduated with a BS in accounting with honors last year. I'm moving on with my life and not looking back. I've left him broke, bankrupt and his girlfriend his a scumbag who can't even make 8.00 dolllars an hour. His truck is about ready to be repossed. Good luck to the scum bag!!!!<P>