My husband, has not initiated contact with me in over a week. I had to contact him yesterday and today about my car as it requires some work and he is going to pay for it. <P>I feel he only speaks to me if he has to and then he tries to get me off the phone as quick as he can. He never asks how I am or after our family (son and daughter). He seems to be very happy with his new freedom and I truly, do not see him wanting to come home anytime in the future. I told him today that I felt uncomfortable with his abruptness and he said that he could not help how I felt. True. I need to show him that I can be a different person, I need him to realise that he cannot treat me the way he is. One minute he is doing a lot of things for me and the next it is as if I have died. I go from feeling hurt to these terrible feelings of sadness and being overwhelmed with my situation. Both my son and daughter think I have to make their dad take notice of me but how do I do that.<P>FET

I am not sure how useful this will be...but everyone told me to be the one not calling, looking needy. Tough to do, trust me. <P>For me, I'm also hoping the 50 pounds I lost will help.<P>rrunrr<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.

Forever,<P>Have you followed Dr. Harley's advice and written the OP a cease contact letter, approved by your H, and delivered via a friend? If you have not agreed to, or made a commitment to ceasing contact with the OP, you have to bear with your H until you are ready to do so. He is only protecting himself. I've been there myself. My H knows that he cannot move back into the house unless he follows the methods recommended in "Surviving an Affair."<P>belld

Hi Belldandy<P>As my user name shows, I have never been unfaithful to my husband in the 28 years that I have been married to him. He was the unfaithful party. He was tired of the rollercoaster and ignored me in our home for five weeks which after that I asked him to move out.<P>I have worked very hard on myself and realised that my reaction to the last discovery had a lot to do with the demise of my relationship and I have tried to Plan A as best I could. I continue to try but it is very hard when you do not get contact.<P>FET

Forever,<P>My sincerest apologies. I have my foot firmly in mouth - which is why I have to type, lol! <P>I was in a similar situation ... when my H was living with the OW, he refused to speak to me about anything. Refused to see me. And get this - told me that *I* needed space to "get help for myself." I suppose it never occurred to him that he was the cause of all of my problems. The more despondent I became over his affair, the more cruel and detached he became - the more, in effect, he blamed me. <P>I am sorry that you're going through this. Just know that you're not the only one it's happened to. It is difficult to make things work when the other party is in affair la-la-land. The only thing that worked for me was to detach. It wasn't until I seriously started talking about divorce that he came around and started to make amends. We're still on bumpy ground, no doubt about that. It's really hard being with someone who blames you for their screw-ups, as well as theirs!<P>belld