Why would a "conflict avoider," which is one that avoids conflicts right....have an affair and create the most devastating conflict of all? <BR>

Sharona,<P>It is ironic, isn't it? My H is a conflict avoider who had an affair. It's also weird how people who are intimacy avoiders (which my H is also) will have an affair in order to avoid intimacy with their spouses. Freaky.<P>The way I look at it is my H couldn't bring himself to be open and honest about his needs and feelings with me, so he took the easy way out and got some needs met by someone who was all too willing. Someone he didn't have to ask. But, as a result, what he did was bring EVERYTHING out like a big ole pandora's box!! Frankly, he had no idea that would or could happen. None. And that is why he has bent over backwards and forwards trying to undo the damage.<P>He always tells me that his biggest regret is that he wouldn't open his mouth and let me know what he needed. He knows this would have changed everything, and that haunts him.<P>But, he's making good on his second chance, so we can't complain too much!! <P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

hi mysharona,<BR>have missed you! Hope you are doing okay.<BR>I don't have a conflict avoider, I have a conflict maker, but your question is one I have often wondered about. I wrote something about a similar question on the truth thread recently. I suppose the two things, lies and avoidance go together nicely?