Wow, I just read your thread from start to finish since I've been away!<P>I thought there were a couple of things that did not come through very clearly and hope I can help.<P>Trying to discover the right thing to do (morally) is important, but I think there is more to this:<P>I read somewhere in Harley that I had to decide if I could have a wonderful marriage with my h, would I want it? Not just is it right, good for the kids, but best for ME?<P>I decided it was, and that kept me going...<P>But aside from the marriage, what is best for you, Missy?<P>Like it or not, we carry a big sign that says VULNERABLE.<P>Even aside from your marriage, I want to ask, is this guy someone you would consider marrying?<P>I think many on that thread were trying to warn you that it's not that you don't deserve to be happy - you do. But you may be playing with fire. We all draw the line in different places.<P>My h did go after the OW, this was no friendship. Still he thought he could have sex, get her to fall in-love, and walk away unscathed. Our psyches don't work that way. He fell in-love in the process, even though he was only trying to use her.<P>EVEN IF you both understand "the rules", our emotions have a way of running away. There is always a risk one of you may "fall in-love" and get hurt in the process. Maybe it will be him, maybe you.<P>I have avoided male friendships because I feel very vulnerable. And it's not just about whether we would end up in bed. I differ there from F A. As we have seen so many times on this board, we can have inappropriate feelings for others outside the marriage with no sexual contact.<P>As I said, it's just the way our psyches are. I hope I made sense. You have to decide what you will do. No one is going to tell you what to do. But I wanted to clarify what I see as the dangers in having a male friendship at this point. I truly believe they outweigh the possible benefits.<P>So, it's not for your h, it's for you. You may be choosing a short-term benefit that could have a very high long-term price tag.<P>Someone on the other thread reacted negatively to the comparison of a BS dating and the WS having an affair. I don't think it falls in the same category morally at all.<P>But both involve what I said about the high long-term price tag. And not just to your marriage. TO YOU. If your marriage doesn't work, what do you want? I think to rebuild your self-image and maybe meet a man later, but FROM A POSITION OF STRENGTH.<P>When you are no longer feeling vulnerable, when you are truly available and can think clearly.
