You know, it surprised me that there was that much flaming going on earlier. My thoughts...<P>Don't complain about harley principles here on the board. If you aren't here to support your marriage you are in the wrong place. You want someone to back you no matter what you are in the wrong place.<P>If you need someplace to rant and let off steam thats great, let it out!<P>If you are confused and unsure you are in the right place. There is support like you couldn't believe. But you must read the info and even more so... live it. How can it work if you don't live it? If you want your marriage to work, here we are.<P>Harley's principles are not guarenteed but they do give you a better than average chance of getting your marriage on track or coming out of it knowing you did your best and knowing you can survive.<P>What do you want... I don't like those that sit on the fence personally. Saying that you must have all the info to make a decision is just another way of delaying. A wise person told me $hit or get off the pot. Make a decision, its the easy part... following it through is the hard part.<P>Flame suit activated<P>J

Well said, James...<P>Bill

Okay, I totally understand what you're saying, but a lot of it is easier said than done. I think that 99.9% of us in here want to make our marriages work, and agree with Dr. Harley's steps in making that happen. But it is frustrating when 1) you have reminders of the affair in your face 24/7, and 2) you're spouse will not or will only very grudgingly partake in reading Harley's materials, going to counseling, etc. Do I bust on the OW - damn right I do! I have had to learn to get those feelings out, and I am not somebody who journals, so this has been an excellent venting forum. I don't want to bust on the OW to my H, but if it stays bottled up, it will come out and we'll regress. <P>I think that we all know how to make our marriages improve, but sometimes there are obstacles that make the journey extremely difficult, and it throws us off track. Personally, I come in here to reaffirm that sticking w/Harley's methods is the right thing to do, and that helps keep me going.<P>The things that we say and do in here are not necessarily the way we handle things with our spouses. I try to use this as an outlet for frustration instead of my H, and we haven't fought in a long time now. Anyway, nothing personal, I just wanted to throw in my two cents

I'm sorry - did I miss something - must a missed a post... <P>As for 'need to know everything before making a decision'... I am one of those that needs to know everything, not to make a decision to stay or leave, but to make my husband, for once in his life, deal with the truth of his actions. <P>In insisting that husband come clean - if he does, that will let me know that he is serious about wanting to save this marriage - if he choses to continue to keep secrets, lie, and live a secret life, then so be it. <P>I think it's time for him to $$it or get off the pot - he doesn't want the marriage - then tell me that - I can take it. <P>

Simply J,<P>What do I want??? For beginners ...<P>I want to be a better wife & person. <BR>I want to understand what went wrong in my marriage and how to correct my mistakes in it.<BR>I want to make my Husband happy again (EN).<BR>I want to be closer to God.<BR>I want to be a giver and not a taker.<BR>I want to feel human again.<BR>I want to feel joy again.<BR>I want to see this situation as an opportunity to grow.<BR>I want to not hurt anyone.<BR>I want to be whole again.<P>and I want to win the lotto. <P>Thanks for asking.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 22, 2000).]