Just wondering how you're all doing with your spouse still working with the OP.<P>We're in recovery but I am so tempted to tell my H about my plan to only stick around till October (6 month plan) if they continue working together. Then I will go to plan B.<BR>I think that's about how much more this heart can take. But he's being wonderful and I believe faithful--it makes me feel so bad. What do you think? <P>How about you guys? Post your updates and/or delimnas. Maybe we can support and help eachother out here. I find I'm getting a little sidetracked on these other posts. Not a bad thing, really, but I'm needing a little strength here. <BR>

I did the same thing. I put up with it as much as I could, and one day I asked him if he wanted to commit to our family. He said yes, and I told him that I was uncomfortable with him working with the OW and that I wanted him to leave his job. I did it in an ultimatum fashion, which probably wasn't the right thing to do, but he did quit his job. He and the OW kept in contact for about a month after that, and then they each got their own lives.

I am slowly dealing with my husband working with the OW. Don't get me wrong - I hate it. But I truly believe it's over - for now. We'll still have to deal with the baby to be born in Dec. But I think we are in agreement that it will be a child support situation only. We'll see though.<BR>I am not obsessing about my husband workimg with the other woman as much as I had been. I'm obsessimg about our recovery. I am an obsessive type "fixer" and that is where my focus is lately. Learning patience and to keep my mouth shut sometimes both have been valuable lessons. Now that I feel that he is "Trying" (God I HATE that word) However she may get transfered in Sept. Because of the baby she will always be in our lives in some way. I'm going to have to learn to deal with that. What I neeed from my husband is a full wholehearted committal to US! Then them woking togethr won't bother me as much.<BR> Kris

I figured there would be a lot of co-working OW situations here but never read a thread that was specific to this situation. <BR>My H's OW is his secretary. He has allowed me to help find him interesting jobs in the paper,etc. and we have sent out a few resumes. I help him bc I think that he will be happier in a new job since he was unhappy soon after he started this one (4yrs ago) and that it would be an "easy out" for him to end the affair - if he was looking for an out- without hurting her or looking like he failed at their relationship. But, I can not help but wonder as I do this for him, if it is only going to help them have the affair - because then co-workers couldn't keep tabs on them and they could be more in the open. My hope is that the job he gets will be out of the area. I pray that he wants it and gets it and that we can move together and get a "fresh start" Who knows, he could blow us both off ....Only time will tell.

opinions please?http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000863.html<P>

dj,<BR>Your link didn't work--I want to check it out--try it again, Hon.<P>Iam4Us: You are such a sweetheart--so generous to help you H find and "easy way" out so he won't feel like he failed THEIR relationship!! And I thought I was kindhearted! You are right up there in the Plan A hall of fame with Lotsva!!<P>My H said something along the same lines, that it would be EASIER to have an A if they were no longer co-workers without all the eyes on them like they have now--but the fact that H and OW SEE eachother DAILY cannot be conducive to getting thru withdrawal. <P> This daily contact in a period when there should be no contact is like ready made campfire just waiting for the first spark. <P>I feel alot more resigned about the work situation than I used to but I can't help but feel it will only be a matter of time. <P> OW told me she is waiting with hope. She will be right there willing and able if ever I majorly LB or mess up on his EN's. I feel like I'm living under the gun. <P> But as for today--I very sure that my H is faithful and he says he's in love with me.<P>Hey, did you guys pick up your recipe from Trying? <P> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited July 22, 2000).]

Funny, but I made a bet with my sister back in April when the affair was beginning to end that I could PROVE that my husband and coworker OW knew they were doing something wrong. (They maintained that they were just friends, she said "acquaintances"....spell that d-e-l-u-s-i-o-n-a-l ) Anyhoo, I bet my sister that one of them would be out of the department by October. Lo and behold, OW is interviewing for another job and husband is having his office moved to another room. (Wish they had a 'smug' smiley face.... ) <BR>So, husband is still mopey at times but coming around. What a long haul this has been. This continued contact STINKS...I know it is over and yet...what if..? I can't wait till she is outta there!!

Congratulations, lm!<P>How much does your sister owe you? <P>

Leilana,<BR>I just have to ask you...why would you consider going to plan B when you say that you think the affair is over and you are in recovery...you think he is being faithful and wonderful? I know it is none of my business but wonder if I am missing something? Thanks.

lm, <BR>Because I'm a shmuck? I gotta get back to you later--in the middle of a bb tournament and just stopped in to change clothes. Talk U laterz!

Saturday will be the OW's last day! But, poor thing, her new job will require working nights. She does not like this, but I don't know if it is because she has a small child or because it will hamper her social life. Her benefits (insurance, etc.) will start immediately, so that is good since she and her H are in the process of divorcing. I asked my H why I feel guilty because she is taking this "terrible" job, that is going to be so hard on her family. She told him that she is only doing it for him. <P>Also, in the back of my mind, I am afraid that she might "try something" this week since this might be her last chance. I've got to just get over it.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by littlemurph:<BR><B>Leilana,<BR>I just have to ask you...why would you consider going to plan B when you say that you think the affair is over and you are in recovery...you think he is being faithful and wonderful? I know it is none of my business but wonder if I am missing something? Thanks.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>LM,<P>A while back I went into the "Plan A/Plan B" forum and asked if I was in recovery or plan A. I think it was NSR who told me I was in BOTH! That really shook me up. Please, no one get discouraged here, I just don't feel I can be in Plan A for the rest of my life. <P> OW is waiting with hope (sorry if I sound like a broken record) and is just waiting for me to mess up or for my H to look at her and the spark to ignite again. They have DAILY contact. She doesn't LB. It's been almost 4 months and she looks as lonely and confused and hurting as she did the first time I saw her after d-day. How much is act and how much is real is up for debate but even to me she looks like an abandoned kitten. I don't know how my H is resisting the pull.<P>The anticipation of the A resuming is frazzling my nerves. Harley said each contact is like starting from day 1 of withdrawal. <P>She's so honest about being in love with my H. Altho my H has had no withdrawal symptoms and immediately began wooing/winning me back, he has never been able to see anything negative about OW or her actions. It's all so understandable how she can fall head over heels for such a fine speciman of a man as himself! <P>It's a heady thing to be adored.<P>And therein lies the danger.<P>I do feel a little shortchanged that my H doesn't try to change the work situation for the sake of our marriage--even tho I sincerely don't want him to leave his job.<P>Did I fill in the missing part, lm? Most days I trust him implicitly, some days I feel I'm a little insecure but strong enough to carry on plan A. There are a few days when I'm triggered by something my H said or did (or I feel he's omitting) re: work/OW and I'm back at being extremely insecure and feel a bit desperate. Those times are usually followed by feelings of "let the chips fall where they may" and they can have eachother--I just want to know for sure so I can say goodbye. I almost want something to happen so that there can be some movement in this career stalemate.<P>Am I interpreting Harley wrong, do you think? Maybe I'm just using Plan B as a way to comfort/protect myself when I'm feeling insecure. But it works! Please feel free to let me know what you think. I welcome all insights.<P>Erika, good luck, Hon. Hang in there--only a few days more! You're drawing nearer to the end of your tunnel. I'd trade places with you in a minute. I hope one day to be heading in that direction. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited July 24, 2000).]