Here's the update from Friday's "Where is my H?!!"<P>This is so embarrassing - I feel pathetic for putting up with all the [censored] that my H dishes out.<P>Right after my last post, I checked my VM, and there was a message from him at 3:30 (from our house), saying that a friend of his had a fishing rod that he was going to lend him, and that he had to go to his house to get it. My house is about thirty minutes north of town. Here's a basic timeline of our day Friday:<P>11:30 am - H and I see OW for the first time in a year at Wal-Mart. There is lingering eye contact between the two, but no words spoken. OW had previously left town due to warrants out for her arrest.<P>12:00 pm - H drops me off, says he's going to look for fishing equipment at a couple of other stores, and would be home around 1:30.<P>1:30 pm - No word from H.<P>3:30 pm - VM from H saying that he's home (ornery puppies in the background verify this is true), but that he was going to a friend's house to borrow a fishing rod.<P>4:15 pm - H brings me a snack at my job. Says he's on his way to "friend's" house.<P>5:15 pm - I get home, and he's there. Sure enough, he shows me a fishing rod I don't recognize that he says his friend lent him. Looks like his story checks out. Sigh of relief. Do notice that he's changed his clothes though.<P>Before I get to the kicker, y'all know that I traded my car in after finding out that H and OW had relations in it. I had installed a nice stereo system in that car, and I decided to keep the amp and speakers. I've left them in the garage for about a month now, as I've not been sure whether I wanted to put them in the new car or not.<P>I go into the house, and start laundry since we have relatives from South Carolina coming up to visit. Twice, the phone rang, and twice, when I answered, the person hung up. I find his pants that he was wearing before, so I clear out the pockets so that I can wash them. In one of the pockets I find a pawn ticket...he'd pawned off my amp and speakers. <P>I confronted him, and he admitted that he had (he didn't really have much of a choice.). I asked him where the $ went, and he then said that he bought fishing equipment but he knew that I was stressed about money and didn't want me to worry. The rod he supposedly got from a friend, he actually had bought himself. I asked him about the hang up calls, and he said he knew nothing about them.<P>He has not been sneaky and deceptive like this since his affair, and this relapse has me scared to death! Why is he lying again? And who is calling my house and hanging up? I'm going to Dallas next week on business, and I'm afraid that he's going to do something again!

Well, I'm glad you posted. I've worried about you since Friday.<P>The hang up calls, yeah probably OW. Don't mean to scare ya with that one, but seeing you and your H together probably made her a little nuts.<P>Sounds to me, though, like H has accounted for his time pretty well. He didn't have much of a window of opportunity to see her. If he had seen her, would she have been doing the hang up call thing. I think not.<P>And he brought you a snack...means he's thinking about YOU.<P>Now, the money thing. Yeah, he was wrong to pawn your stuff without asking, but is this so out of character for him really? I know that I've done stuff like that in the past (sneaky stuff with $) and it didn't mean anything except me figuring out how I could get what I wanted without being accountable for it. Wrong...big time, but something to do with an outside relationhship...never.<P>Can you share your feelings about seeing OW with your H? It could go a long way in easing your mind before your trip. Is it possible for you to calmly tell him how you felt when you saw her in Wal-Mart. Certainly he can understand that it would be upsetting for you...as knowing that she is back in town is. Be open and honest with him. Give him a chance to reassure you. Let him be honest too, it must have been difficult for him to see her also. You both have strong feelings here, and need to talk about it. It may be like pulling teeth at first, but I bet you guys can have a good, cleansing talk about this.<P>Hope you can calm down a bit, and look at this for what it was...just an OW sighting. Unnerving, yes, but not a step backwards.<P>allison

Hey, Miss Belle.<P>How are you doing today?<P>It really stinks when it seems that H can't stop lying no matter what. I know where you're coming from.<P>Have you two worked anything out about the amp and speakers?<P>All the best. --HBC

Allison - Yeah, I don't think he saw her, but my big problem was the fact that he insists that in order for our marriage to move forward, I need to start trusting him, but then he lies to my face. Why should I trust him? I didn't blow up like I normally do when I confronted him - he says that's a reason he "doesn't tell me things." (nice term for lying).<P>HBC - Thanks for the post! I'm not doing too hot right now - I haven't seen or talked to my H in 3 days. He's somewhere near Portland with his 17-year-old twin brothers fishing, I do know that. But he promised me that he'd call me, and he still hasn't. I don't even know when they're coming back. I know that he isn't cheating or anything like that, but still, an "I love you, I miss you" call would be nice. I'll try not to burst into tears when I finally do see him

Carolina Belle,<P>Why don't you *69 the call/hang up next time. It should tell you the caller number and give ou the option to call it, if she answers then "BINGO".<P>HTHs<P>Jo<P>

Jo,<P>Unfortunately, GTE does not offer Caller ID or Star 69 here yet I don't *think* it's the OW - although I'm not ruling it out. I'm more inclined to suspect his "friend" in San Diego...she always hangs up whenever I answer. Oh well!