I saw my H today... He's pretty busy and rarely in town. He wanted to see me last week but that day I went to hike with my friend(and I felt good to show him I'm not always available for him). Then his brother screwed up with his pager so at the end we didn't meet when I came back. Yesterday we were supposed to get together so I made a time for him but at the end he never called so I was mad and wrote an e-mail about how I felt. Today he called saying because of the delay of the flight he came home 2 in the morning(and his computer had problems with modems so he couldn't access to e-mail account).<P>Anyway he had to leave today again but he wanted to see me. We only had like a couple of hours but we spent some time together.<BR>I asked him how he was doing, how he felt comparing to before, better, same, worse... he said he felt worse.. he used to tell me he couldn't relax and he thought it was because of me but now he feel that way all the time(I had to laugh in my mind!). Now he's smoking pot and I realized(again) that he really has a weak will.<P>When he had to leave he said he would miss me and he was disappointed that he couldn't spend time with me during my 2-week vacation. He's going to MA(for a concert), and that's where OW lives so I asked him if he was seeing her(well, I'm getting better not to bring up about her). He said "probably"(yeah, right!!). I told him he would have fun(with her--I didn't say this though), then he says "no I won't". so I repeated the same thing and told him we can get together when he comes back(early next month). In August he's not that busy so he will be in town alot(if he doesn't go see OW), so I said he would get tired of me then, then he said he will never get tired of me.<BR>He told me he loves me and we kissed and he left.<P>Well, if you read this maybe you may feel this is the positive thing... I don't feel that way... some of you know that I don't want to be with him anymore as long as he doesn't deal with his problems(and he knows it). I'm pretty sure he already planned to see OW in MA but he said "probably" and that really annoyed me.. and I don't feel very good right now.<P>Although I'm not interested in being with him, I still have feelings.. Right now I'm doing kinda plan A, but this is for myself, to show my H what he's going to lose. Eventually if he doesn't deal with stuff(he said he would be seeing a therapist next month), I will cut off any contacts and move on...<P>Sorry it's getting long, just needed to write down how I felt...

MF:<P>How are you doing today? Are things any clearer for you?<P>Hugs. --HBC

I just wanted to say that I don't know how you women do it...stay with men who cheat on you. I guess I must be a real witch or something, but it just isn't right to me. My first husband had an affair and just couldn't seem to give it up. Of course, I was very young and too cocky to figure out a way to save my marriage; but quite frankly, even at 50 years old, I am not a cheating woman (for any reason!) and I just won't tolerate infidelity in an exclusive partnership. Maybe I'm being selfish, and if you think so please tell me because I guess I need to hear it. Just wanted to pass my thoughts along. I do hope you're sorting through your feelings and validating your personal worth as a loving and competent woman.

HBC,<BR>Thanks for posting. I'm ok, and I'm in a much better place compare to 2 months ago. Now I focus on myself, but when I have contacts with H my feelings get stirred up.<P>earthspell,<BR>The way you feel I think it's very normal. But because spouses had affairs doesn't mean our feelings towards WS can be cut off easily. For me the harder part is my H still tell me he loves me. If he told me he doesn't love me anymore I would've just moved on.. I guess what I'm doing doesn't make sense that much.... Doing Plan A, but not to be with him. I would think eventually I get tired of this and will be able to tell him to f@&* off.<P>Tomorrow I'm treating myself for the last 2 days of my vacation, going out of town to attend a concert. Hope to enjoy it <P>Thanks for posting,<BR>Meg

Hi Meg,<P>A concert out of town is a wonderful time to spend time by yourself and just be the wonderful woman that you are. You will sort through everything in time )).<P>I agree that it's very hard to say f__k off to a partner who says he still loves you, albeit he's still interested in the other woman. Been there too. Have fun .<P>Bye now!