I posted this under "Just found out" but thought I could use the extra prayers.<P>___I'm sinking fast. I think it's over with my H. I don't think I know the man I met 12 years ago. I think the last 12 years of my life was a lie.<BR>I don't think he will ever be able to be faithful to me. I think he loves me in some way. Maybe just as the mother of his child. I don't think he thinks of me as his soulmate. I'm not sure he even thinks of me as the person he wants to grow old with. Honestly I don't know what he thinks from me.<P>It's time for me to start a new life for myself. I'm so scared. I know I'll be OK. I don't hate my H. I love him to the very core. But I'll never be able to meet his needs. And he'll never be able to meet mine. I just wanted someone to hold me each night and tell me they loved me. And someone who would love, protect and honor me as I deserve. Someone to be faithful to me forever. I wish my H would have let me go years ago.<P>I'm moving on. I don't know when or how to tell my H. I'm not angry. I don't hate him. I love him. He will always be a part of me. This is my awakening. I need your strength now more than ever.<P>Why did he hold onto me for so long? Why didn't he love me the way I loved him? Why wasn't I good enough? I know my questions will never be answered. That's OK. To forgive is to let go. And I'm letting go.<P>I want a life that's rich with love. The same love I gave to my H. I know it's out there. I made my own mistakes in this marriage and relationship. But I've learned from them. And I never gave up on my H. I was lucky to have ever felt these things towards another human being. Even if the feelings weren't returned. I feel as though my life is gone...it is to some degree. I realize though that it's only beginning. Maybe someday after all the pain goes away my H and I will be able to be friends. Maybe friends were all we were meant to be. We have our beautiful daughter. I know he'll always be true to her. And that's all I care about.<P>I hope my H finds someone he can let in. Someone he can trust to see who he is. Someone to make his dreams come true. Someone he can love the way I have loved him. It's a wonderful feeling. I feel sorry that he hasn't been able to experience that.<P>It's going to be a long road to recovery. Please pray for me. I need you all now. LSM<P><BR>

Lostsoulmate - i am sorry you are feeling so terrible right now. I know how you feel. Everyone here talks about being on a rollercoaster of feelings can you be on a down slope? Are you in counseling? from the way you sound maybe it is time for plan b? Is your husband at home? I am thinking of you. Give us an update so we can help you better. <BR> kris

Dear Lostsoulmate:<BR>I will be praying for you. Hang in there ok. Everything is going to be fine one way or another. I do agree with quakermom are you seing a counselor? If not go talk to somebody ok. It is an emotional rollercoaster but I do know it gets better. What he has done to you is terrible and it is awful and we do understand we are in the same boat that you are, just remember this:<BR>YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU DID NOTHING. He did it to you and your family, he destroyed everything and he is the one who was inmature and instead of trying to fix HIS NEEDS with you decided to get them somewhere else and the truth is he probably does not know what his needs are. <BR>Think about it like this:<BR>A victim of a crime does not ask for it right? She or he did not do anything to provoke an assault, it was the assailant who planned it, did it, and will pay for it. Unfortunatelly the victim will remember the incident but they will not be punished for it. The victim is you, you will forget, it will be in your past, and you have a whole life ahead of you and you will find love again in him or in somebody else. You will be happy again and you will recover. <BR>Please let me know how you are feeling ok?<BR>fambis

lostsoulmate,<P>Hang in there. This could be one of those darn "down" days Of course I will pray for you.<P>But my prayers are also going to include your H. I will pray for the two of you to find each other again and I will pray that both of you can make this marriage work.<P>If it can't work then I will pray that you find that someone who can fulfill your dreams. There is indeed someone somewhere that can.<P>Don't move too fast. This ride is a rough one. Look deep inside yourself and make sure you are sure of what you are planning before actually making any major changes.<P>You are in my prayers <P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>