<BR>Ok, Things seem to be spirialing out of control for me,<BR>Long Story here:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000233.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000233.html</A> <P>The short story is that our families impending move to Germany at the end of Aug has become a major LB and there is nothing I can do to stop it. W feels it is a control thing and wants time to think and be alone, she is asking me to get her a delayed ticket for travel to Germany and she wants to move out. Before it was not a good option for her but now a divorced girlfriend of hers has come forward and offered her a place to stay. Now I am fighting her desire to stay near OM, her desire to be with her Son (and with me in Germany) and this new found offer of complete acceptance and isolation from all of us.<P>So have many of you had experiance trying to Plan A over a real Loooong Distance? Am I completly screwed here, should I help her move out and then Plan B her from Germany? I lvoe my W so much I can not believe I may lose it all. Not to mention I am scared of being a single father in the military!<P>Thoughts???<P>Fixer95<BR>

Your situation break my heart...<P>But...<BR>...you can't drag your W with you. <P>If she is going to stay...<BR>...abandon the care of her child (how old?)<BR>...give up immediately...<BR>...you can't stop it.<P>What you need to do is immediately get support from whatever military services can offer...<P>...and as your question was hinting at..<BR><B>STAY IN PLAN A</B>.<P>Is it hard to Plan A at such long distances?...<BR>...yes... (Chris is doing it... so am I...)<P>I'm not sure of all the feelings your W has for your child (Chris' and my W seem to have built a bit if indifference)...<BR>...but if your W still has strong feelings for her child... it is to your advantage.<P>You have a hard road ahead.<P>You'll have my prayers.<P> <P>Jim

NSR,<BR>You are truly a saint, After reading your intro but before reading any of your other posts I figured you for a proffesional or a success story. But, after reading a lot of threads I know you are a Saint!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NSR:<BR><B>Your situation break my heart...<BR>If she is going to stay...<BR>...abandon the care of her child (how old?)<BR>...give up immediately...<BR>...you can't stop it.<P>...but if your W still has strong feelings for her child... it is to your advantage.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Our son is 11 years old and has been the center of her life since his birth, if fact his birth almost ended her life and that is the last time I was this scared. <P>Interesting you say give up immediately, because she seems so confussed yet determined. She told me today she felt like she was on the verge of losing the three most important people in her life, Her son, the OM and me. She still stands by wanting to be my friend forever but never being my wife again. <BR>She has agreed to talk with Steve so at least he will know both sides of the story and can better work with me. <BR>I have already checked on the support services, they all say not to worry they have people who will help in child care, family support and counseling for my son and I. Plus one thing for sure most military families are willing to help if they can, I am sure someone will help me out.<P>Fixer95

Fixer95:<P>If you're talking to Steve, I'm very happy (and not because of my standard 5% referral fee... oops! ). He will help you get a plan set that will allow you to deal with this with the interests of your marriage forefront.<P>I'm with Jim on this one---there's no way to physically drag your wife with you. The fact that she's letting you take your son is a huge benefit in a number of ways.<P>1. It's likely that she'll go straight to the OM after you leave. It'll be "wonderful" but horrible, because her family will be half a world away. You can bet that'll stick a pin in the fantasy of the affair. It's likely that the affair will crash and burn very, very quickly. You should be maintaining your best Plan A here---espouse love for her, hope for the marriage, etc.<P>2. In the event that the affair doesn't end, she's going to have a much harder time getting custody of your son. I don't know if you want to be a single father, but I know that when I was going through my wife's affair, I couldn't imagine how I would survive without daily contact with my kids. If you're the same, this will be an advantage. You will hopefully never come to the point where you'll need to exercise it, but it's nice to have.<P>Again, it's plan A for you. The fact that she's willing to talk with Steve is a big benefit, because he may be able to distill information from her to help you make your plan A successful. Good luck!

K,<P>I can definitly see the upside to Plan A on this. It's tough to LB when you only get a few minute of phone time a few times a week and e-mail is great because you think before you hit send.<BR>Espousing Love for her and Hope for the marriage are 2 of my stronger areas as long as I can keep from dragging it out. <BR>I sort of thought about the 2nd part also, it is my main reason for telling her I wanted him to go with me, I was just surprised she didn't put up much of a fight. She did say she would like him to stay with her but that it was fair (Guilt?) and better for him to be with me because he is getting to the age were he needs a father.<P>I'll keep you all up to date thanks for the ear and the support.<P>Fixer95<p>[This message has been edited by Fixer95 (edited July 28, 2000).]