We had a huge blow-up the other day, only one day after a nice long talk. She's moving out in two weeks (and eventually moving to be with the OM), but we just can't be together without stress. <P>I wrote her what amounts to a Plan B letter, suggesting that we break off all communications except for those relating to the business of our divorce. <P>So I'm house-sitting for a couple of friends until she leaves. We filled out the divorce papers last night. When we got to the question: "Is the marriage irretrievably broken...no chance for reconciliation?" she said "well, is it really?"<P>That floored me, but I said nothing. From the first day of her A, she has said she wants a divorce. Last night, she slept next to me in the bed for the first time in a while. This morning, I gave her a hug and told her I'd miss her. She said "yeah, I know...it's going to be lonely here."<P>It was an incredibly tender moment for two people who can't seem to make a marriage work!<P>I know she feels horribly guilty about what she's doing, and it shows when she goes without contact with the OM for more than a day. As soon as she talks with him, she again becomes unshakeable in her resolve to leave and be with him. When she talks to him, her guilt and anguish go away, and she becomes cold and unfeeling to me.<P>Now I don't know how to react to her. Obviously, I need to Plan B her for a while, but how should I handle it when I need to speak with her? <P>I'll have to wait a couple of days 'til I can get back to my work computer here, but I appreciate your responses!

{cjack},<P>I feel bad for what has happened to you...<BR>I sincerely mean that!<P>...now... the advice I give you may not be what you want to hear...<P>First...<BR>move back in (unless you're really talking a physical abuse situation)...<P>It will give you a better chance to move from a Plan A to Plan B.<P>Second...<BR>rescind the letter...<BR>write a new one...<BR>it probably wasn't a true Plan B letter (I don't know that for sure)...<BR>...but a Plan B letter is a <B>love letter</B><BR>...not one that says "we'll talk... ...but only if it has to do with separating from each other".<P>What you need is more like a "cool off" time... but not a separation. Plan A can have these times/days!<P>...please consider apologozing (perhaps something she needs you can do... even when your not 100% at fault... even when you're only 1% at fault)...<P>...Remember in Plan A... the rule of protection counts... and the rule of care counts...<P>If you haven't thought of the Plan B letter for more than a month...<BR>If you haven't been to MB counseling... at least once...<P>...don't rush it.<P>Let your W make the move out...<P>Think about it... <P> <P>Jim