Help me, someone, I am reaching high and low for a little help, after 13 years of spending our lives together (high school sweethearts)2 daughters, with a third on the way, he decides to leave me. He has been having an affair with a co worker since April. But that is not all, they were also together for a night a year ago as well. It gets better, I went into pre term labor around 29 weeks, he was at my side, told me he was going to leave her, and come back home. That lasted one week. He has been back and forth since I kicked him out the night that i found out about it, after my 5 year olds graduation night. The funny thing is, they both work in a County job, and both want to become police officers. On the advise of her superior, I went and filed a anti harrasment order on her, she in turn 4 days later, after having been put on probation, filed one on me. I want him back, I know that he needs to stay away, "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is what I have been told....however everyone, including my doctor think that I am in a dangerous situation. I have at least 4 more weeks left of my pregnancy, (due to all my complications, my doctor is taking me around 36 weeks)I am scared of being by myself, deleiveing this child by myself, without him near me, to feel the joy. I am scared of being on my own with 3 children, one of which is a newborn. How do I get through this? He is so willing to talk, he even went as far as to "swear" on his daughters that he was back for good, that he wasnt going to hurt them again, or me. And he left last night. And then has the nerve to lie to me, and tell me that he was with a male coworker. When he called today, I asked where he could be reached at, he said he would work something out. I asked if there was an emergency, how would I get in touch with him, he just replied "I'll figure something out" how could anyone leave like this with no way to contact...I do not understand, and am desperate for some help....

MikAsh:<P>I am so very sorry you are facing such daunting events with the threat of continued abandonment looming over your head. This is a time for you to be happy and fulfilled, not anxious and frightened.<P>I will pray for you, MikAsh, that your husband will snap out of it and realize the horrible damage he is doing to you and the children and come home. The OW is an evil and despicable slut and deserves her karma. <P>Dr. Harley's principles map out a plan that has worked for many. you've probably read everything about the principles on this site. Go into and stay with Plan A as long as you can. <P>Your husband must get you a pager to use over the next few weeks in case you need him or something happens when you are alone.<BR>I hope you are surrounding yourself with family and friends during this devastating time.<P>You are in my prayers. <P>Catnip =^^=<P>

MikAsh,<P>An affair is such a devastating event to live through. I'm so sorry you have to be dealing with it during this pregnancy crisis as well.<P>The physical symptoms related to the almost shock like state that we go through can wreak havoc on your body.<P>You must try to take care of yourself and unborn child right now.<P>Our WS are truly in a bad way when they can leave a situation like this...irrresponsibly. I know it is not comforting but it does help to view it as "their" sickness.<P>I hope so much that you have family and friends to support you. I know I needed to rely on a few very close friends to "live" my life for me in the beginning. I also have 3 children. 5-11. My H was a devoted father....got so much joy from his children (which he denies now also). OUr 5 year old will be the first that he will not see off to K on the first day.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.

MikAsh--<P>Did you two fight last night? Tell us what happened leading up to your H leaving. <P>Catnip's idea of a pager is a very good one.<P>I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are stronger than you think! Take care of yourself and those dear little ones.<P>Are there any family members who can make a regular habit of checking on you and helping out? <P>I really think you need to conserve as much energy as possible for your girls and the approaching birth. As far as what to do re your H, I suggest for right now, just be as nice acting as possible with any contact and create as little stress for YOURSELF as possible. Try not to fight with him or get upset. I know that sounds impossible, but really try. It may be best not to question him about his activities, it's only more upsetting and you're not sure whether to believe him or not. For the time being, accept his statements as fact and have calm conversations with him. <P>I'm simply amazed. 2 tiny children, a pregnant wife and he's pulling this? Hope for the best, launch as solid a Plan A as you can when you're feeling up to it (the timing of this is ghastly). Seek legal counsel in the weeks to come. Be prepared for the possibility of filing a legal separation for child support if this roller coaster continues (but don't use it as a threat). He IS legally required to support those children and you make sure that happens! And yes, you CAN see to this while you are trying to work things out with him.<P>Read as much as you can here. Vent here.<P>You have the advantage over this OW. Keep it. Present your sweet side. Don't give him any ammunition to rationalize any MORE that what he's doing is okay, like fussing, blaming, even crying if you can help it in front of him. I think it will affect him more seeing you handling things with quiet inner-strength because ultimately, YOU are the woman he should be coming home to. <P>His coworker is contributing to wrecking a family and when he ever locates his brains again, he'll know he couldn't trust her not to do the same thing with someone else! She'll be thinking twice about their future together when she realizes how broke he'll be due to child support.<P>Play this out like a lady during the time he's searching for his brains.<P>{{{{{{{hugs to you}}}}}}} Hang in there.<P>Laura

<small>[ February 09, 2005, 08:47 AM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I'm so sorry. I was pregnant too through most of my H and my separation and I know the hell that is. How can these women be with a man with a pregant wife? That is the lowest of the low. I agree with the others here, read about Plan A. I am a success story, H and I worked it out and are very happy now. It is very hard but it sounds like your H isn't as far gone as many. Try to take care of yourself, I know it's not easy. Don't give up.

MikAsh:<P>If we ever needed evidence of how inappropriate and untimely the actions of a spouse in an affair can be your situation would illustrate that perfectly.<P>When he should be at your side entirely solicitious of your welfare, he is off doing his thing with OW. <P>This is hard to accept but reflects how mixed up and confused your H really is. He simply is not acting like himself but that is little comfort to you I know.<P>The best thing for you to do in this situation is to remain calm...this is best for you and your child...and for your H...you can handle what needs to be done...you may need a little help from your family and friends, but you can do it...your children need you...your baby needs you...and believe it or not, your husband needs you even if he doesn't know it right not.<P>Concentrate on yourself...after the baby comes and you have recooperated a bit, then you can begin to deal with your H...don't try to reason with him...you will get more cooperation if you try to remain supportive and understanding...and this will make it easier on you. <P>Perhaps this pregnancy has placed a strain on your marriage that your H was unable to face and he is avoiding facing it by having an affair. Sometimes being away from a situation clarifies the choices for us and forces us to see what we need to do. <P>I'm praying that your H will see where he really needs to be and returns to share with you the joy of your new baby.<P>Buffy.<P><BR>

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have to agree with Buffy.<BR>I am 33 weeks pregnant but my H is still with me & I have no doubt that he will be there for the birth & afterwards as a father. Believe me I know what it's like to be on this rollercoaster while pregnant. I am lucky in that my pregnancy is going very well but I too sometimes fear for the worst. Please realize that what you must do first is take care of yourself & the baby. You 2 are the priority. As hard as it may be, forget about your marriage for the time being. You can deal with that afterwards. Also make sure you have a family member or a close friend who can be your back-up coach & let him know you're preparing for his abandonment. The back-up is for you & your baby not him. PLEASE JUST DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOUR PREGNANCY. Especially since you're already experiencing some complications.<BR>And believe me when I say you can get through this one step at a time - youll find you're stronger than you ever imagined. I know I did.

I am so sorry for your pain. As soon as I read your post I prayed for you & your family. I know how desperate you feel at this moment in time. I too have felt the same. But if worse came to worse you could do it on your own. God will take care of you. I know it does not seem like it but he will. It sounds like the affair is an emotional one? You said since april (except for the one night thing) Well he is probably using it as an escape from the pressures of home life. I dont mean that in a bad way just that the OW probably puts no pressure on him its all just nice and easy blah, blah, blah. Son now since there is disclosure to you and he knows he has to cut it off with her than he is going through that withdrawl stage so that is probably why he is waffeling. Now this is the same position I was in with my H emotional affair. He waffled a bit and all I could do was PRAY for him & me but especially him. And at the same time keep my cool, no blowing up, and Be patient reassuring him that all will be all right!!! It is tough. The only way I did it was through the grace of GOD! <BR>In your health situation take care of yourself. Let him go dont worry (at least try not to) You can do this I dont know you but I just sense that you are strong and you will make it. <BR>Now is the time to call on family, friends, and church family. <BR>God Bless and I will keep you in my prayers!

Thank you, I feel as I am getting stronger, I had court yesterday for my anti harassment order against her, and I got it, she tried to fight it, saying that he was living with her now, and I just told the judge that my children needed stability and his going back and forth, and me not knowing anything about her proved enough to him, that she shouldnt be around our children, she was not happy, and for the most part, I dont think he was either. But they left, hand in hand. I was happy though, I got what I wanted. It hurt seeing them like that, together, but I know it wont last, if he doesnt get help, he will do it to her. And she is so gullible, and beleives in their "LOVE" so much she cannot even see it!! Thank you all for the support, looks like I have 3 more weeks to go in my pregnancy, dr gonna take me early. I know in my heart, everything will be ok. Thanx again!!!