H's Monday morning drop-ins are becoming a wonderful habit. He called and came over and was here for 2 1/2 hours, just talking. <P>He told me that when he moved out, it was with the intention of never returning. I felt he was "training" me to live without him. Teaching me to handle things alone. Well, I learned well, and the difference in me is turning him around.<P>The fact that I can live without him is what is making him begin to see that he wants to think about us being together. I've gotta tell you that I am hopeful and excited, but hate to get too hopeful...because we still have not figured it all out.<P>Anyone on Plan A...I've gotta tell you, that we would never be this far without it. Plan A is Power. I know in my mind that I am responsible for all of the changes in our relationship. We are better friends right now than we have ever been in 19 years of marriage. H stated that he would give up the marriage if we could keep what we now have. Hope that makes as much sense to you guys as it did to me. We are both scared of losing what we now have, and terrified of going back to the same old unhappy marriage. I guess that's what we need to work on, and we are both floundering a bit as to how that part works. Don't even suggest the POJA...he knows nothing about MB and never will.<P>Each one of you that used that four-letter word...TIME...is 100% correct. Each one of you that told me that Plan A is for ME...you are correct. Have I manipulated him? I guess I have, but I've gotta tell you, the fog has lifted. He is seeing clearly, and I am in his sights. This is in no way a guarantee by him, but to hear the things he's saying now, how he needs to change, how he can't imagine me not being in his life, how he now sees a future with me...unbeliveable.<P>I know he could do a 180 tomorrow and call OW or decide he just can't feel about me the way he needs to, but the fact that I can take that information and survive is what is making him see me in a new light. And it is now real...I'm not just saying those things anymore to get him to come back. I will make it regardless of what happens in my marriage.<P>So, as tough as it is, I'm staying in Plan A (for life) and growing up into a person I like a whole lot better is the result.<P>Stick with it you guys. It feels good to be strong and right. It gives me peace in the middle of a storm. It changed me, and I will never change back.<P>allison<P>

Great post! Good to hear things are going well...<BR>Kathi

Great news! I can only pray that I can be as strong as you are---it is stories like this that make me have the strength to go on....

Allison,<P>Great news!! Just remember to take it one day at a time. As I found out this past week there can be alot of ups and downs but things usually work out for the best. H and I are doing much better now. His coming over and talking to you, treating you like a good friend is the best news. Isn't that what marriage is the ultimate friendship? I'm really glad that you have used this time apart to become the strong independant person you are now. I think it takes alot of the pressure off of them to always be the strong one and to know they can lean on you for a change. Just keep doing what you are doing!<P>Jill

[img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<P>YES!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!<P>"By George, I think she's 'got it'"!!!!<P>(Psstt! Can you tell I'm proud of you!)<P>Keep it up, Sweetie.<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori

I'm so happy for you Allison! All your hard work will give you rich rewards. I'm really proud of you.

HOORAY!!! ( wish there was a symbol for cartwheels, I would fill the page). Just to read those words from you is proof enough that things can and do change, and YOU are responsible for the changes. Manipulation...I really don't think so if the changes are real, and you know that they are. That is what he sees and what he wants to preserve, can't blame him for that. And yes here it is again...over time he will see that the changes aren't just a temporary thing they are real and permanent.<P>Yes you will encounter hurdles along the way, but the important thing is that you take them together and talk, talk, talk. <P>Strange that peace you feel isn't it? I told my H just the other day the same thing. That I was at peace because I was living a simple life composed really of two things...our family, keeping their welfare always in my heart and mind so as not to do anything to hurt them, and honesty-no secrets, lies, hiding things etc. It is very simple and easy. And you are right, it comes partly because I have realized my inner strength and know I can survive and HE knows it too and sees it in action every single day. Can't just give it lip service, you have to LIVE it.<P>As for the rest of the story...H asked me to go with him to a meeting in September in Maine for a week!!! Needless to say, grandma is coming to stay with the kids and we are going...yea!!! As for the future, can't predict it, don't want to. Would rather look at it as a grand adventure, and whatever we encounter, I can not only survive, but keep going and flourish.<P>As for the present, just make sure that each day there is something good that happens. I just figure that with each passing day we are adding to the book of memories and I want them to be good ones. Who can think things are bad when what you remember are happy times and laughter and good old fun? And when we discuss those 'hard' things...again memories of how they were handled calmly, honestly, nonconfrontationally...those are the things we want them to remember. <P>You have really discovered the secret...the power was within YOU all along. WAY TO GO GIRL...now get out there and show him your stuff!<P>

Hi Allison:<P>Hurray for you! <P>I am hoping that your H continues to see *the light*.....keep beaming your PLAN A "flashlight" directly at his heart .<P>Know that I'm rooting for you...<P>You sound so strong & positive. A little bit of HOPE, combined with a lot of PLAN A, is good for the heart and soul.<P>I'm hoping that one day soon, you will WANT to share this wonderful marriagebuilders information with your H...and that he will be open to receiving/absorbing all the INSIGHTFUL recovery tips/concepts it has to offer. <P>Peace, ~Marie

Ya Allison!<P>I'm so happy you are feeling so positive and taking those baby steps. Just don't get discouraged if it scares him into retreating for awhile.<BR>Lora