My wife recently confided in me that her brother confided in her that he was having an affair. He confided in my wife, because she also had had an affair. My delema is, should I tell my sister in law. I know that if it were me, I would want someone to tell me. The problem I have is one, my wife would become very upset with me if I told her. Also, should I contact my brother in law and confront him first giving him the oppurtunity to tell her? If I do this, my wife will also be very angry at me, since she was not supposed to tell anyone. Anyway, I had hoped with time, my brother in law would tell his wife, but apparently he has not done so and I have waited several weeks since I found out. I do care for my sister in law and do not want her to suffer from this and feel compelled to do something.<P>Any suggestions are appreciated.<P>Tim

TimJ,<P>It seems to me that too many people have already broken confidences. Why add to the list. If your W feels that SIL needs to know she should be the one to tell. I realize that you feel SIL needs to know but man the messenger always get shot on this one.<P>My opinion is let it rest for awhile. <P>JL

<small>[ February 09, 2005, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Hi TimJ,<P>Sounds like you telling would be a big LB to me. I know if someone told me that in confidence, I would hate to get caught repeating it...especially a family member.<P>I know we all want to help out in these situations, but your SIL will find out on her own one of these days. You can help her at that time for being there for her, and directing her to MB.<P>Good luck,<BR>allison

Wow this situation really stinks. As someone who was cheated on, I wish someone would have told me. I would have been grateful to them. <BR>I would suggest you talk about it with your W and ask her if it would be ok if you talked to the Brother. He should understand that she told you because you dont keep secrets from each other. Since you have been cheated on you can give him your point of view, in a nice calm manner. If you blow up at him it wont get you very far. You can help him to see that marriages can survive this stuff. <BR>On the other hand if there is a danger that the wife could contract a disease than its better to save a life and tell than to keep it to yourself!!<BR>In the meantime Pray without ceasing for all involved.<BR>Good Luck

It's funny but I'm going through the same thing myself. I strongly suspect that my brother-in-law (H's bro) is having an affair. As the BS, I can't stand the thought of him doing that & my H says it's none of our business. <BR>I just discovered this 2 days ago & I have decided to do something about it. I will speak to my BIN & let him know he must tell his W. As crazy as it sounds, it hurts far more to discover the affair rather than to hear it directly from the WS. It took my H 4 mos to admit to the affair even though I kept telling him that if he didn't come clean about it, then we could never move forward. My BIN has to decide whether he's going to continue his behaviour or come clean & try to save his marriage. I need to convince him that she will find out regardless of what he does (I found out because of a parking ticket - what are the chances of that!) She lives with him, of course he'll slip up. I don't feel the need to protect someone who is doing wrong & harming another. I believe that only honesty can save a relationship.<BR>The only difference with my story is that I uncovered the truth, my H did not confide in me. Even still, if I get involved, it will cause problems between my H & I. But the truth is I'm not doing this to cause any problems - I'm trying to convince my BIN that what he's doing is wrong, inexcusable & that his wife deserves better. Either work on the marriage or end it. A married person has no right to continue with his behaviour while the unsuspecting spouse continues to be faithful and loving.

Thanks for all the responses. I am not sure what to do about this right now. My wife waited 5 years to tell me about her first affair, and unless I wouldn't have caught her, she probably would not have told me about the second one either. I sometimes wonder if things would have been different with us if I had found out about the first one sooner, and it is difficult to not let my sister in law know what I know. I think that I will do some praying on this one, and if things do not change, I will probably tell my wife that I need to talk to her brother about it. From there I will just see what happens. I don't think I will be able to face either of these two in good consciouse with out coming forward to them with what I know. I guess that if this bothers my wife, that is her problem. I need to do what I know is right. Maybe with a little more time, my brother in law will come forward to his wife. I can only hope and pray that he does. There was also some concern that his other woman might be pregnant, so this further complicates the whole issue. <P>Thanks again and God's strength to all of you.