Hello Folks,<P>I had a talk with a co-worker who is married.<BR>IMHO, I expressed that married men/women should not (for lack of a better term) hang out with single people. He expressed that he saw nothing wrong with being married and going out with his single friends.<P>All of us have been single at one point in our lives (I'm sooooooo glad that I'm not single anymore!!!! ) and know what single men do. That I pointed out is the danger of married men/women hanging out with singles.<P>So I come to ask the opinions of others on this issue.<P>Thanxx in advance to all of those who respond.<P>------------------<BR>PSALMS 133<BR>AMOS 7:7-8<BR>ECCLESIASTES 12:1-7

Hi Salem139 -<P>I'm afraid that this question just can't be answered in generalities....ie -yes or no.<P>It depends....<P>Depends on the people involved, on the place of "hanging out", on what vulnerabilities may be involved at any given time......etc.<P>I do not feel that it is a good idea to place oneself in ANY situation where one's integrity is in danger. I don't believe that a person should do things that their spouse/SO do not agree with wholeheartedly and/or cannot participate.<P>If a married person wants to hang out in bars and the like with singles.....not good in my book!!! Reason? <P>Bars are for drinking #1 which inhibits our clarity!!! #2 is that most people gravitate to them because they are the "adult" version of a playground.....and there is usually a lot of games being played!!!! #3 It is extremely addicting and therefore prone to becoming habitual. #4 Has a way of becoming an escape from reality. #5 A lot of ego stroking going on by/to people that may be lonely and confused with their own direction in life. #6 Too many people that will bring too much BS into a married's life - where that person has enough to do to be concentrating on marriage, family, work, goals, home, etc.<P>If, however, you are talking about a few friends coming over to play cards once in a while, or going to a ball game, etc......no problem!!! <P>Maybe it just boils down to :<P>Whatever is done....should be in MODERATION, with the inclusion of a spouse, no lies and no sense of these people or activities taking priority.<P>How often is that TRULY the case?<P>So, as I said....it isn't a yes or no.<P>It's more of "can I handle it correctly?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>

I've been on both sides of the single friends issue.<P>In the late 1980's, I had a large circle of single friends through my job. At the time, my H and I had a marriage that was not much different from when we lived together. My H knew almost all of the people I hung out with. I used to go out to dinner once or twice a week with this group (mostly men, a few women). I would let my H know where I was going, who would be there, when I'd be home, and I'd invite him to join us, which he never did. We did NOT go to bars, because I never liked that when I was single. We had parties where we would invite this crew.<P>My H NEVER ONCE SAID ANYTHING that this bothered him.<P>Fast forward 10 years, and my H now had a group of work friends, some married, some single, that he'd go out drinking with after work, 3-4 nights a week, till 11:00 PM or later. One of those people was the infamous Dragon Lady. He would tell me about so-and-so's husband being there, but he never once invited me to go. He would go to parties given by these people without inviting me to accompany him. His life with me and his social life were completely separate.<P>When Dragon Lady became an issue, it came out in one of our arguments that he never said anything when I had a bunch of male friends that I went out with.<P>I still maintain that there are qualitative differences between friendships that attempt to include the spouse vs. friendships that systematically exclude the spouse; friendships that involve going drinking in bars vs. friendships that involve having dinner in a restaurant.<P>Obviously, my H didn't. <P>Now I don't go ANYWHERE.<P>

Married, single, black, white, yellow, purple, separated, divorced.....<P>Doesn't matter. What matters is the person's mindset--what they're *looking* for, what they feel they *need* from this group of friends, what they're willing to *open themselves* up to....CAN THEY TRUST THEMSELVES IN THIS PARTICULAR SITUATION?<P>If the answer is "NO", then IMHO, they have no business being there.<P>Peace, ~Marie

Man did I ever get my [censored] kicked for playing single! I went out to New York City with a friend of my wife's and mine who is effectively single (bad marriage, getting divorced)and we came home late. My wife freaked, I mean absolutely freaked! She has known this guy longer than me, they were friends first, and she still went absolutely ballistic. I struggle all the time wiht the feeling that I didn't sign up for an absolute loss of freedom when I got married, I still have single friends and I still value them, but it seems as though every second I spend with them is a challenge to our marriage (in my wife's mind). I guess when the marriage vows said "forsaking all others" it meant everyone I've cherished over the years. It doesn't seem to apply to her family, though. We spend a lot of time with them and that's always OK with her--as long as she's picking the people who we hang around with everything's fine. I'm angry. I'm resentful. I'm wondering if I did the right thing.. oh never mind. My life's over. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SALEM139:<BR><B>Hello Folks,<P>I had a talk with a co-worker who is married.<BR>IMHO, I expressed that married men/women should not (for lack of a better term) hang out with single people. He expressed that he saw nothing wrong with being married and going out with his single friends.<P>All of us have been single at one point in our lives (I'm sooooooo glad that I'm not single anymore!!!! ) and know what single men do. That I pointed out is the danger of married men/women hanging out with singles.<P>So I come to ask the opinions of others on this issue.<P>Thanxx in advance to all of those who respond.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>