H's affair started at the end of August 1998 (ended about 6 months later). He went from the sweet. loving man I married to a cold, mean person I'd never even met before. He told me he didn't think he loved me anymore, wanted a divorce and that we would NEVER get back together, there was no chance. I basically Plan A'd my heart out. It was really hard, but he came around. Fast forward to last night. Around 3 AM he put his arms around me and just started hugging me so tightly. It woke me up of course and I asked what was up. He said "I had a nightmare that I came home, the house was empty and you were gone. I was so scared. I don't know what I'd do without you, I love you so much" It was so sweet. This coming from a man who said there was no chance for our marriage. It was really painful but in the end it was all worth it. Hang in there everyone.

Thanks for sharing - it's encouraging to hear outcomes like this. I'm struggling with my Plan A at times because results are so slow in coming. H is nicer and at least at the moment not talking about leaving, but I really wanted a dramatic turnaround to happen overnight and that sure isn't the case. It helps immensely to read stories like yours - really boosts my determination to keep at it! Thanks.

That IS really, really sweet! I hope it gets things going for you again!!

Ditto- Thanks for the encouragement.<BR>I am just beginning this roller coaster ride. It's great to hear success stories. Any little tips for the rest of us?

Thank you for the encouragement!!!!<P>Any tips would be great.<P>I am currently in Plan A and my H is in withdrawl. I want intimacy and he wants nothing to do with me. I see small positive steps but he is still negative and when he gets defensive he threatens to leave. He insists he is moving out when he "finds a place" and "has taken care of some things." He does not have a place and is not looking.<BR>And the "things" that need taken care of are our things. He says he does not love me and there is nothing to save in our marriage. I am totally confused and have no idea what to do because he will not tell what is wrong.

My main reason for coming to these boards now is to show others that there is hope. My situation once seemed totally doomed. First off, it doesn't happen quickly (unfortunately). While I was going through this I kept waiting for that overnight miracle. It was very gradual. One step forward, 2 steps back. At times it got very discouraging but I kept at it. At first he was in the "No way this will ever work again phase" then we went through the rollercoaster part. One day all he could talk about was our future, the next day he "wasn't sure what he wanted". That part was really tough. I never knew what to expect. Then, as time went by, time spent together became more frequent, those backwards steps became fewer and far between. In the end when he came home it wasn't about "trying to work things out" anymore. We were going to be together, period. He had no more doubts. So my advice is to hang tight for as long as you can and you feel it's worth it. Don't let those backwards steps get you down too much, it's a normal part of the process. Any little move forward is a good sign, even if the next day isn't as good. I think there are lots of people here who will get through this! Expecting a quick fix and not getting it is the worst part.

Fairydust:<P> <P>What a wonderful story..wish all WS could have that nightmare.<P>I thank God everyday for this site and people like you who come here for help and comfort and while working though their own issues end up being a help and a comfort themselves. <P>When you're in the middle of this you think it will never end. You give us hope that it will. Thank you so much.<P>Buffy<P>P.S. Just wanted to add that this is just what I needed because I am in the Friday doldrums tonight.<P><p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited August 04, 2000).]