My husband has a woman 10 years older than himself working for him. His client do not like her and we have lost customers but he defends her even when the complaints are in writing. I used to come in and work and he seems to want me there less and less. He act like a puppy dog around her. She is not at all attractive. I am even now on tranquilizers trying to deal with this. Unfortunatley this is not the first time I have suspected something. I have always usually been told or found things, but they always were much younger attractive woman. I bring her name up and you can just feel the tension. I keep myself in shape, attractive, I don't understand. She gets away with everything and gets paid very well. When he talks of the office it is always "WE". Is it possible and if so why?

I don't think it is an older/younger woman thing. I don't know what it is, to tell you the truth. Friendship, availability, whatever.<P>My husband had an older woman. She was fairly attractive, I guess, but she was OLD. I think that it was just the availability/friendship that I mentioned above to begin with. The fact that they could fool around without her getting pregnant was her line to get him to "help her out."<P>Yuck. I don't even want to think about it.<P>Okay, but you don't even know that your husband has even gone there. Did you come out and ask him? That's a start. If he is fooling around, he'll probably lie. Most do. But that is better than driving yourself crazy speculating. It sounds like you are really letting it get to you, if you have to take medicine to get you through it.<P>Keep in touch here. There are a lot of people to talk to that possibly have endured your same situation and are willing to give advise.<P>good luck!

Sheila,<BR>If you have the "feeling" something is not right, don't ignore it. Unfortunately, our intuition or gut instincts are usually pretty close on target. Hopefully, you are wrong. <P>My H's affair was also with an "older woman". Many years ago, when I first heard about her, I was told she was just a "nice old lady" he met and liked to talk to. Still suspicious, I also talked to her. She verified what he said. Friends only. One look at her and I felt my suspicions were completely off target. I felt ridiculous for even suspecting he'd have anything to do with anyone else, particularly her. No way. Not MY H!! He is very vain, very appearance conscious, very age minded. Has always held me to very high standards. She was also older, not at all attractive. I was soooo wrong.<P>I hope you are mistaken Sheila but don't ignore your instincts. Talk to him, check into it and Plan A him to death. <P>My H's logic?? I didn't think you loved me anymore and she was nice to me.

Thanks so much for your reply. I guess what I really don't understand is how much he defends her to me. It is our businees, our children's livliehood and ours but she is running the show. She even told me that she and another boss she worked for decided that when the bosses wife wanted to work for him they would stick her in a little office and find something for her to do. She speaks awful of other peers of my husband's who he admires and gets away with it. There is a country song out and I wish I could find out the name and who sings it but some of the word are "are you going to live with the love you have or are you going to have a love you can't live without? says alot doesn't it. I know there is no knight and shining armor but somewhat that respects me and requires that of employees is not too much to ask. Thanks. I think he enjoys ego building and she really flirts. I am past games I want to get on with life! <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nerlycrzy:<BR><B>Sheila,<BR>If you have the "feeling" something is not right, don't ignore it. Unfortunately, our intuition or gut instincts are usually pretty close on target. Hopefully, you are wrong. <P>My H's affair was also with an "older woman". Many years ago, when I first heard about her, I was told she was just a "nice old lady" he met and liked to talk to. Still suspicious, I also talked to her. She verified what he said. Friends only. One look at her and I felt my suspicions were completely off target. I felt ridiculous for even suspecting he'd have anything to do with anyone else, particularly her. No way. Not MY H!! He is very vain, very appearance conscious, very age minded. Has always held me to very high standards. She was also older, not at all attractive. I was soooo wrong.<P>I hope you are mistaken Sheila but don't ignore your instincts. Talk to him, check into it and Plan A him to death. <P>My H's logic?? I didn't think you loved me anymore and she was nice to me. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Sheila,<P>I suggest that you avoid the topic of this woman and instead focus on learning what your H emotional needs are and working like crazy to meet them. I will bet that this woman is meeting your H #1 emotional need. I will also bet that you don't know what his #1 emotional need is and you are not even on his radar screen with regard to it. <P>See if you can get yourt H to fill out the emtional needs questionaire that you can print off from this web site.<BR>Mud <><

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mudder:<BR><B>Sheila,<BR>Mudder,<BR>Thanks for the suggestion, but I do know what my husbands needs are: love=sex=attention=major ego stroking. Not sex just once a dayeither! Also at work he is the boss and the women all do for him, setup, clean up and he just does the procedure. With two kids at home and also I want lovemaking not just sex it is all on his terms. He is good to me and kind, but there is also this other side. And I am always wrong. I am getting help and in the past 3 months I have done a 180' which I don't think he likes it when he knows I worry about what is going on and now he hates it that I don't seem to care. Who knows.<BR>I suggest that you avoid the topic of this woman and instead focus on learning what your H emotional needs are and working like crazy to meet them. I will bet that this woman is meeting your H #1 emotional need. I will also bet that you don't know what his #1 emotional need is and you are not even on his radar screen with regard to it. <P>See if you can get yourt H to fill out the emtional needs questionaire that you can print off from this web site.<BR>Mud <><</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>