There is something that I just can't shake, and I'm trying to decide if I should talk to my W about it or just let it slide. <P>Some background: W had A in 1998, EA proceeded to PA for 6 months. EA continued for two years before D-Day (she confessed to me). She has had no contact with OM, been remorseful, and we have made great progress in the last five months.<P>So what's bugging me is that about ten-twelve times over the last three years, she has essentially said, "I can do whatever I want", usually in a joking manner, but mostly in the presence of OM and myself. When she would say this, it would bother me but I never told her that. She has said this once this year before D-Day, but hasn't repeated it since.<P>Now, if I bring this up to her, it will be a major LB. I don't know what I hope to gain other than getting it out in the open so hopefully I won't stew on it anymore. She already knows how much she has hurt me. I don't want to be punishing in continuing to bring up the A. On the otherhand, if I don't say anything about it, I don't know how much longer I will stew about it. I'd like to forget about it completely, yet it keeps coming back in my thoughts and has for the last three months. I know that I will have to say something if I ever hear it from her again. How can I let her know that this is a trigger with me without setting us back?<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Up from here:<BR><B>So what's bugging me is that about ten-twelve times over the last three years, she has essentially said, "I can do whatever I want", usually in a joking manner, but mostly in the presence of OM and myself. When she would say this, it would bother me but I never told her that. How can I let her know that this is a trigger with me without setting us back?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well.....I'm a little confused here, but I think you are saying that when she said "I can do whatever I want"....you know look at it as her declaration that if she wants to sleep around, she can.<P>The fact of the matter is, that is correct. You can't control her behavior, and you can't trust her, either. <P>What you can control is your reaction to her behavior. If it were me, next time she said it, I would say "You've said that a number of times in our relationship. If you are kidding, fine...if you seriously think you can sleep around again and stay married to me, you are out of strikes."<P>Now, whether you wait for her to say that (perhaps in front of friends) or pick a time to bring up the issue that these past statements bother you...well, that is up to you. <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Up from here:<BR><B>"I can do whatever I want"</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>My vote is for you to tell her that it's bugging you. These betrayers (like my wife) have sliced you wide open, laughed at you, and left you in the sun to rot.<P>But... they don't know this.<P>So, tell her before you lose your stomach lining to it. If it's a "major love buster", then better to face it now than later. If you keep putting it off, it'll be a "major love buster" someday.<P>Bama<P>

Thanks, for the feedback. I know I can't control what decisions she makes. It just feels like she was rubbing it in my face. I think I'm going to wait before I say anything. I'm not quite ready for the next dip on this rollercoaster ride.