Buffy, I just wanted to tell you that you said to forest exactly what I wanted to say. I admire your openness, I was worried I'd get totally slammed here. You're right - you can't just wrap every marriage and every affair up into a neat little package w/ a bow. There are indeed some similarities, but not everyone does things for the same reason. And not every marriage should be saved, just for the sake of marriage itself.<P>If I were the wife of a man who truly loved another woman, I don't know that I would have the will to drive on past that fact. I would feel inadequate and inferior (stuff I already muddle thru as it is) and I don't think it would be fair.<P>I do hope to see he and his wife get back together, in a perfect world. <P>Thanks for dispensing with the Vocabulary words and the automatic responses, it was quite refreshing. <P>Carrie <P>

Hi Khyra:<P>Thanks. I kept that thread from Forest going in the beginning and it turned into a monster didn't it.<P>After being in the OW wars for the past seven years, if there is one thing I have learned it is that although we want the A to be over and done with...the result can often be emotional attachments that are not that easily dismissed.<P>You learn from your own mistakes and although I am the betrayed, I realize now that what needed to happen was for the A to resolve itself, by exposing itself to the clear light of everyday existence.<P>If in that clear light, the OP remained the idolized figure and maintained their continuing attraction for WS then perhaps this was a relationship that was meant to be. <P>Never resolve this and the WS remains in limbo perhaps for an extended period of time, perhaps for ever...yearning after what he can't have...unsure of whether it was really what he needed.<P>The BS has the option of waiting out this period of uncertainty in their lives or moving on. If they're strong enough, with the help of MB they can maintain their love and provide a loving environment for the WS to come back to in the event they decide that is what is best for both of them.<P>It's basically just the old "set it free" theory. Let it free and if it was meant to be it will come back to you. <P>Buffy<P>

Well said, Buffy. It's just hard sometimes to allow nature to take it's course. <P>Plus some people (like my H) will only take so much - it's a very personalized choice, isn't it? I'm glad he did put his big foot down with me the way he did. <P>I admire your strength and tenacity and your ability to kind of let go. I don't know where you're at w/ everything now, but I wish you and your family well.<P>Khyra