I've read here that Plan A must be a short term plan (3-6 months). I am Plan Aing for about 8 months with H leaving and sleeping with me (no sex), he has not(never had) an EA/PA without successful results (there has been a lot of change but H insists that he will never be in love with me again).<P>So i am now begining to feel the symptoms of being so long in Plan A, i.e. i feel that my love for him is dead or near it. I am begining to ask myself why i am trying to save my marriage and i am begining to think about OM (generally not specifically one).<P>What can i do? Is my marriage lost? Should i leave the house? Should i PUSH him to make up his mind about working out our marriage or not?

Trapito:<P>If there's no affair, then you're not in "Plan A". Instead, you've been changing your marital behavior to try to bring a husband from withdrawal back into intimacy. The issue is that you're getting tired of it, and it is a real risk---you're nearing the empty line on the lovebank.<P>Have you been in counseling for this? You should be in MARRIAGE counseling, preferrably with your husband. If you haven't, I would suggest it immediately.<P>If you have and you're not getting anywhere, a separation might be an appropriate step. You should discuss this with him, avoiding lovebusters, and using the policy of joint agreement. Throw it out as a suggestion to work on your current stalemate---but ask him for input as well.

trapito,<P>You sound like someone who doesn't have a copy of SAA or have read the MB articles on PlanA/PlanB. <P>If you ever read them before, read them again!<P>There are steps you need to follow. You plan A as you slide into plan B. You don't PUSH or demand anything. You lovingly do what you need to do to keep your love alive. Who leaves the house depends alot on how your financial situation is set up, if you have kids (don't uproot them if at all possible), etc. etc. You need to lovingly explain this to your H. If he decides to stay and try for real, so be it. But be ready to follow thru. Plan B is not a threat or a trick or a way to manipulate your spouse. It's a survival tactic for YOU and the love you have for your spouse and marriage.<P>You sound like you're ready. God Bless you, Hon. Are you posting in Plan A/Plan B forum as well? You should be.<BR>

I totally messed up here. Am I misreading the post? <P>Was there or wasn't there an EA or PA?<P>If there wasn't that is a totally different forum. And you don't need to get SAA. <P>Oops. Sorry.<P>I thought this forum was under the "infidelity" issue heading. How did you end up here, Hon? I think you took a wrong turn. <P>But POJA/negotiation still applies in all marriage issues you might be having with your H. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited August 11, 2000).]