Hi y'all! I stopped in this morning on a whim to see who is still around and am sorry to see so many familiar names. How long has it been - nearly two years and more for some?! I read a few posts and want to pass along my best wishes to each of you. <P>My divorce was (finally) final August 1st and I have honestly never been better - proof that it's not always a bad thing. It's just me and the kids and I'm okay with that for now. They see their dad much more now than they did before; he and I get along but have our own lives. It's almost like everything that happened happened to somebody else; the hurt goes away and the anger does, too, and you end up stronger than you ever imagined.<P>I can't really offer much advice other than to try to be patient. God is in control and He knows everything will be allright, even if His Plan isn't the same as our own.<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie

I am glad that your children are among the fortunate few whose father still spends a significant amount of time with them. Unfortunately, in the vast majority of cases, within a couple of years the father is rarely seeing the children, and ten years later the majority of children see their father once a year or less. My H has been gone less than a year and a half, and he has gone from seeing them most of the weekend and two evenings a week to about an hour during the week and a day and a half a month. He has called them 3 or 4 times since he left. This is a man who used to be devoted to his children. <P>I must disagree with your statement that divorce is not always a bad thing. Except in cases of physical abuse, it is always a bad thing for the children, at least.

I'm sorry you ended up divorced, but glad he is involved with the kids.<P>Had you been doing plan A and B. Did you and you H try to work it out. <P>I'm glad to know the anger and hurt will go away. I wonder for me about the hurt. I have had absolutely no closure.<P>Just "I love you" one day to "i've changed" the next. No trying , no talking, no nothing. Now that there has been disclosure of the PA, H says he is sorry for the hurt he's caused me and the kids... but seems content to just close this 13year chapter of his life and move on like a snake shedding its skin. <P>I wish you all the best. How old are your children??<p>[This message has been edited by tootrusting (edited August 13, 2000).]

Nellie <P>Yes, my kids and I are fortunate. Very fortunate - and I think it took the whole process of his leaving to realize it. I stand by my belief; it is <B>not</B> always a bad thing. But that's not to say that it's always a good thing, either. I'm sorry for you and your kids. Someday he will come to regret his choices; you know what they say about karma. They are his choices, however, not yours. For what it's worth, several months ago I visited a very wise man who told me that I had to let go of my anger in order to move forward. The kids will be okay, but who needs to be okay first? His assessment surprised me at the time, because I felt like I should have been past it after over a year of separation and a subsequent (though short-lived) relationship. He was right, though. Food for thought.<P>Tootrusting -<P>Oh yes, I did the Plan A thing even after he moved out. Plan B was not an option - we do, after all, have kids. There was much more than (simply?!) an affair at work. The kids are 13, 11, and 6. I know it's hard, but try to keep sight of the forest in spite of the trees, and remember that since you can do nothing to "bring him around", focus on yourself and your kids.<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie