At least I know I'm not losing it. Between my natural difficulty in being organized and my two preschoolers, I spend a lot of time looking for misplaced things.<P>One of the things that I've been beating myself up about lately is constantly running out of necessities at home. I felt I was loosing my feel for what needs to be replaced.<P>This is especially hard for me as domestic support is second only to sex on my h's needs, and since I'm home, there is no reason not to manage the home well.<P>Anyway, I confirmed it this morning with the cleaning lady. I could bore you with the details, but the short story is that I'M NOT LOSING IT.<P>My MIL has been stealing everything from paper towels to shampoo to groceries, replacing the Dawn with water, etc. <P>In my h's culture, it is pretty much expected by some that the extended family treats one's (MY) house as their own, so they are over almost every weekend.<P>Every time I have mentioned any problems with her in the past, my h has been very defensive - I don't appreciate their help with the kids, etc. This particular problem I denied to myself and had not brought up per se.<P>I spoke to my h on the phone as he was driving between meetings (in another country, gotta love those cell phones), warned him it may not be a good time to talk about this, but it would help me to get it off my chest.<P>He completely understood the problem! We will still have to figure out how to deal with it, but this is real progress. I feel a weight lifted off me after talking to him.<P>This is again thanks to the better skills we've been developing living by Harley's principles.<P>Anyone else ever deal with nonsense like this? It is so petty! If she needed the money, she only needs to ask, but it is not that. She told the lady I wouldn't even miss the stuff. <P>Funny, I just took the personality test yesterday and it specifically said how NFs (a whole bunch of us here) need to run their own house(Eleanor Roosevelt story under iNFj). Well, especially if this is a major need for h!

Oh Cindy,<BR> I just HAD to respond.My H just told me a story from one of his co-workers,also of latin background. This co worker had a BBQ at their new house. As they were preparing the food to be served the family members were packing up plates of food and stashing them in their cars before anyone even had a chance to eat!!! When the party was over, 8 rolls of toilet paper were GONE! How do 15 people use 8 rolls of tp in a few hours!!! LOL. I don't care how much salsa and peppers you eat, 8 ROLLS!!!! I was ROTFL! Later that night coworker said to his girlfriend "Honey can you get me a bowl of ice cream?"(they had bought 10 gallons of ice cream for the party) She had to tell him..it's ALL gone!!! He said, "OK, how about a few cookies and a glass of milk", again....."that's gone too" I just about died in hysterics. WHAT IS IT WITH THESE PEOPLE! I guess I'm just a naive white girl LOL. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. What to do.....???????? Good luck!

Thanks,<P>Well, it was never that obvious. That's why I thought it might be ME. FIL and MIL are usually here Fri to Sun.<P>I would go make my favorite stew and the last packets of season were gone when I could have sworn I had some.<P>The biggest clue before today was when I knew I had half a bottle of Dawn, and the next day it was just water!<P>This is my h's Mom. We could give her the money. But I think in her mind she is being thrifty?????

schizzo, I know I am not in the best frame of mind, right now, but actually keeping busy is helping.<P>I think you are being wise to assume her motivation is not evil.<P>It is great that you and your H are willing to work it out.<P>Guess you have to weigh the benefits of confronting her.<P>If you can live without resentment and it is a culture "thing", maybe buy double, hide a stash so YOU aren't without, and ignore the problem?<P>Of course if it is a deeper issue, POJA with H, but be careful not to put him in a LOSE/LOSE bind.

darling just go over to her house and do the same thing. It will all work out. Everything is then 'en familia'.

FHL, thanks!<P>Breadwinner, was that ?<P>Because seriously, that's not the point. The point is that until I found out this morning I was questioning my sanity!<P>I'm not mad at her and we'll find a way to fix it. Her place is pretty bare. Doesn't need to shop!!<P>

Cindy,<BR> I am sorry if it seemed I was making light of your situation.It's just that the picture my H painted of his coworkers situation was pretty comical.I hoped to make you smile too.<P> On a different note.....do you ever pay MIL for her housesitting/babysitting services? I know H and I do not give IL's cash for this type of thing but try to repay them in other ways. Maybe MIL feels like this is her way of paying herself. Regardless,stealing is stealing, despite the rationale for doing so and is probably best addressed. I totally agree with FHL though, that you've got to be sure this doesn't become a lose/lose situation for H. Maybe it's better not to address it until you two come back from your long trip.With just an hour to spare at home between trips, H is probably stressed enough as it is. Again.I'm sorry and am really interested in how you two work this out!

mthrrhbard, I tried to smile, it's a bit of a stereotype, though "these people". Since I'm married to a Hispanic, I guess it makes me one too.<P>The main thing is that I'm relieved I'm not becoming totally incompetent as a housewife. Not sure I mentioned I think it's been going on for months?<P>Supposed to be packing, not having a good day, did you see my other thread?

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

You could even make a game of it. <P>Bet on which item will disappear next. The winner gets a massage (or some other small token of affection)! <P>

Thanks Hanora, I thought about what you said, but it would not score love units with my h. No, thankfully, he told me he knows how he needs to redefine their relationship with us so that they come over as visitors not treat this as their second house.<P>And TS, my first LOL today.<P>This was my "milder" challenge today.<p>[This message has been edited by schizzo (edited August 10, 2000).]

Hi again Cindy,<BR> Yes, I saw your other thread and I'm really sorry that has to be such a painful situation.After all the time you and BF lost it would be nice if nothing stood in your way anymore.In a perfect world I guess .<P>I'm married to a Hispanic myself.Guess that makes me one too! H and I can always laugh about our cultural oddities.My family grew up in the deep South ,so H ribs me about being a hillbilly! I wasn't at all serious. I love my hispanic extended family and wouldn't trade them for the world.So sorry I offended you. <P>I was thinking about how it might be possible to remedy your situation w/MIL. You know if you confront her she's likely to deny or become angry(kind of like getting caught in ANY embarrassing behavior).That's just what our WS usually do when they get caught red handed in their embarrassing behavior.Maybe you could pay her up front for watching the kids/house and then maybe her conscience would prevent her from dabbling into your goods. Might be a good way to prevent this from becoming ugly for anybody concerned. At least worth a try maybe. What do you think?

I wasn't offended, just pointing that out. Actually if you're one too, you're allowed.<P>We probably won't confront her, I've found it's not worth it since she doesn't change. The best part is that my h knows how to handle them and they will be over much, much less...<P>We may have to find other childcare. For some reason it has been hard keeping a sitter.<BR>

oh it was totally silly. And I thought universally understood.<P>We used to do that all the time, 'steal' from each other. It covered up our 'replacement' strategy for my gm. We would rearrange things - you know put the bath soap in the laundry room, canned goods in the pots & pans drawers, fill the dish-washing soap dispenser with water, & other funky silly stuff. That way my abuela wouldn't know there were more cans of soup, more dishwashing liquid, more tp, etc.<BR>She never let us pay her & would rarely take home 'left=overs' from dinners. This was the only way we could make certain she had things.<BR>