Hello all,<P>Some of you know me, and some of you don't. There seems to be so many new people here since I was last posting regularly. I am really very sorry that you new people have been touched by this dreaded disease. <P>I have good news though. First I think maybe I should give some back ground for those of you not familiar with "Our" story.<P>Discovery was February 21, 1999. It wasn't good. The typical romantic "I'm in love with her and haven't loved you for a very long time!" response that so many betrayers give. <P>Oh, yeah first he tried to deny it but, the anonymous phone caller gave me enough information that he really couldn't deny it anymore. After a few minutes post my confronting him, he spilled it.<P>To make a very long story shorter, he stayed only because of our daughter. He had no hope of our marriage surviving and certainly felt he could never love me again as a man loves a woman. She was the only light he had in a world that had become very dark.<P>The duration of his affair with OW was any where from 5 years to 2. Depending upon your perspective, and physical involvement for probably 2 years. Two years of loving the other woman and her meeting all his needs. At least in the romantic relationship way.<P>It was very painful indeed. I had tons of changing to do. Our relationship had gotten very bad. Until discovery I had begun to wonder if I loved him the way a woman should love a man as well. I just chose not to go the route he did.<P>He made changes too. Slowly very slowly. While I had to make mine fast and hard. Praise the Lord that God healed me of all my emotional and physical aliments and helped me make the changes I needed to make. He also led me to this site, where I got the emotional support I needed and much strength to keep going.<P>He didn't make those changes easily. We had to go through all the very painful stuff that most people here are going through or have gone through. Including huge, painful withdrawal on his part of OW. <P>After eight months he switched departments and shifts at work and we started to make our progress at a much speedier rate. <P>I applied all the principles I could from Harley and did tons of reading and posting. I started to be his recreational companion. I made sure (and still do) that I was with him every moment I could be. We started to treat each other with respect and kindness. <P>Fast forward to now. (I bet you are all glad? )<P>Today I come home from work, (we are still working opposite shifts and I leave at 7:30 a.m. and don't see him again until about 11:00 p.m.) I have had a horrible day. On my bed is a card addressed Mrs. Samantha and our last name. I see immediately that it is husband's writing.<P>I open it and am astounded by what I read. So for you all here is the card.<P><B>The years<BR>have really flow by<BR>since we fell in love...<BR>and they've brought me<BR>new reasons to love you<BR>more and more.<P>You've been my lover, my friend,<BR>my partner, and my pal.<BR>You've been strong<BR>when I needed you to lean on,<BR>and you've been tender<BR>when I needed you to listen<BR>and understand.<P>Even though I don't always<BR>remember to tell you<BR>how much<BR>I appreciate you each day,<BR>you're still the one<BR>who makes my heart beat fast.<P>(inside of the card)<P>You're the one<BR>I want to come home<BR>to forever--<BR>the one I'll always love.<P>Love Mr. Samantha</B><P>Now, some of you may think that this is not a big deal...but, it really is. He rarely gave me cards in the past, even for special occasions. HE HAS NEVER GIVEN ME A CARD FOR NO REASON! Yes, I am shouting there because this is huge. This is the first time he has ever done this. I have done this for years. Never has he. He has now met one of my big emotional needs. Praise the Lord again and again.<P>I write this now because I want to encourage those of you who feel it is hopeless. There is always hope. Recovery comes in many forms probably as varied as all of our personalities. You all will recovery in one way or another. My prayers are you all will recover with your marriage in tact.<P>Yes, it takes a long time, but there is healing. Yes, it is very painful, but one day joy arises again. Yes, it is terribly unfair, but one day love comes your way again. <P>This small but so meaningful jester on my husband's part is proof. Proof that love will prevail and God does hear our prayers.<P>We all have lessons to learn, and roads to walk. Embrace the good Lord and don't give up hope or faith. Miracles do happen. Heck it happened for me and us. It can happen for you. <P>I have always been long winded, so I'll stop this now. I sincerely pray for each and every one of you every night and the success of your healing. <P>Much love,<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited August 11, 2000).]

Hey Sam!<P>I remember you! This is excellent news!! I am so happy for you. God is so good. It's so wonderful to see His work being done in our lives.<P>The card was so sweet. What a momento! Hey, maybe next week you'll get a new Victoria's Secret package (you sexy thang!) <P>It's nice to hear from you again. Keep up the good work.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl<BR>

Thanks for the encouragment! My questions are how do you remain strong when years go by and people are saying "wake up, move on, you deserve better, etc"? How did you keep letting him know that you where there without crossing the line into "doormat" behavior? It seems a fine line. What kind of signs did he give to you that kept you from giving up and filing for divorce?

Iam4us,<P>Well, my suggestion is to not listen to what everyone has to say, and pray, pray, pray. God will guide you through this. <P>Only you know when you've had enough and when it's time to call it quits. Are in in Plan A? How long has the affair been going?<P>Good luck and God bless,<P>Cheryl

<BR>That is so wonderful.<BR>It warms my heart.<BR> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

{{{{{{Sam}}}}}}}<P>We can hug for good news, too, can't we!<P> <P><BR>Leilana

<P>Where is that dadgum tears of joy icon.<P>Love ya,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

<P>I'm back!!! Glad to read this one! I'll update you soon.<P>Love,<P>Lori

<B>ceecee/Cheryl</B><P>Thank you so much sweetie. I remember you too. How have you been doing? <P>Yes, you are right, God is so good and faithful. Even when we are not. Your being happy for me means so much. Isn't it fun and a huge "feel good" thing when we can rejoice for a fellow Sister or Brother in the Lord? <P>I don't think I will be getting any surprise Victoria Secret package next week though. Heck he'd probably give me heart attack if he did something like that too. As you so obviously remember though, our Anniversary is in December and maybe I will get a repeat performance of last year? I am not sure he could handle it again though. I still remember his comments about walking out with a package that felt nearly as light as air and cost over $150.00 dollars with only four little tiny things in it. LOL Thanx so much for reminding me of such a good memory.<P><B>Iam4us</B><P>I have to agree with CeeCee here. Don't listen to what others have to say. First off they have not walked a mile in your shoes. Secondly, they don't understand the love you have or the capacity of that love. You do and keep plan A-ing. You will know if and when the time comes for you to change things. <P>I never ever really considered divorce once discovery happened. I had a bit before. Once the affair became total knowledge to me, (I had suspected for a long time but, did not know. Whenever I had questioned him he always denied it.) I had such resolve that the marriage had to work. I also knew that the Lord deplores divorce and he wouldn't want me to proceed on that avenue.<P>I remember telling my anonymous caller (I call her Angel as I do not know her name or identity still to this day.) that I had way too much love, and tenacity to let the OW ever have my husband. That was before I knew the full story or how much he loved her, etc, etc, etc. Still after that day, it really did not cross my mind.<P>There were times I asked him to leave and go to her, there were times I literally begged him to stay, and there were times that got very, very ugly. I also remember telling him that I would fight divorce if he ever filed tooth and nail. That I would do anything and everything to postpone it. <P>Another thing I remember asking him was if he felt that OW was up to dealing with me, our daughter who hates OW so very much, or my other very emotionally/mentally ill daughter? He never really gave me an answer on that. I suspect though that he knew she'd never be up to it. That surely would have put the relationship he had with her in the light of day with a huge smack of reality to boot. She was a good time girl. The bad times were bound to come and I don't think she is up for that.<P>Maybe I was a doormat at times? I can tell you this I was a Harley principle doormat if I was. I figure it this way, no matter what you do, if you do it out of pure unadulterated love, then you are doing the right thing. Listen to your heart and God, not others who are negative and encouraging you to do what you feel you shouldn't. <P>Like CeeCee said too, pray, pray, pray and when you get tired of praying, pray some more.<P><B>Wassi</B> <P>My most wonderful friend. I got your e-mail and look forward to chatting and our regular communication.<P>I am so pleased that this has warmed your heart. I was hoping it might.<P>I'll send you an e-mail at the beginning of next week. If I survive my parents Fiftieth that is? <P><B>Leilana</B><P>You sure can hug for good news. And a big thank you too for those hugs. Now in my normal fashion I just gotta give you one or more back! <B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Leilana}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P><B>WilliamJ/Bill</B><P>Hey buddy. I know we really need a happy tear icon and a sad one. I am so glad though that the happy one is the one that is applying here.<P>I love you too buddy and we just gotta get around to that long ICQ chat one of these days. I think my life is going to slow down a bit soon?<P><B>lostva/Lori</B><P>I am glad you are back. So nice to see you. Yes, please update. I can't wait to hear and I am sure everyone else is feeling the same way.<P>I also knew you'd be glad to read this. I miss our long chats. Hopefully like I just said my life will slow down a bit and we can get back at it. In the meantime know you are loved.<P>Oh geeze. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/rolleyes.gif[/img] Again I am too long winded. I guess it is impossible to totally change the inner personality huh? [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<P><B>Thanks again all of you and know I will be saying an extra prayer tonight for each and everyone of you.</B><P>Much love as always,<P><BR>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img] With God on our side we can't lose! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><BR><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited August 11, 2000).]

WOW...how have you managed to stay so upbeat...My H also had his affair for over two years. How did your H finally break off with the OW...I'm not completely sure mine has....I am so down today. I do pray all the time, but I was losing hope. Your message lifted me back up a little. Maybe if there was hope for your marriage, there can be hope for mine.

Oh Samantha, Samantha,<BR> <BR>What good news!! Yes, I am aware what a milestone this is and I'm so happy for BOTH of you! And, remember,,it gets better and better!!

Sam and CeeCee,<BR>My H has been having A for about a year to a year and a half as far as I can tell. I learned about it in Dec. and he moved out. He was just fired from the job they shared together 2 weeks ago (a pray answered)and he is now working for a family member. I too have said I will not file for divorce because that is not what I want, have said to the annonomys caller that called to tell me of A that I have faith in my love and in my husband to make the right choices for us and that he'll come home and we'd be stronger. I have also had the chance to tell OW that and it felt great to be able to know I was talking from my heart and not out of anger when she was being so nasty to me. I've tell my H the same thing when I can and show him that I support him as his wife and friend - as much as he will allow me to. Through this I have learned about my strength and that I really do love him more than I did when he was at home. It is amazing how many friends and family members feel the need to tell you to move on so that you won't be hurt anymore... yet they don't see my personal growth being done. I believe in the power we hold within ourselves to make the changes that we need to be better people. I continue to hope and have faith that my H finds he has that strength in himself and that I am strong enough to support him thru this. Again, thanks for your encouragment. Iam4us <BR>

Just what I needed to read today!!!! <BR>I am soooo happy for you and you have given me another day of hope....<BR>God bless you both!!!

Samantha<BR> <P>We, too, are finally (2 1/2 years past the beginning of the PA) BOTH working on the marriage. It makes a world of difference.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Samantha, horrah!!! <BR>I cried when I read those words. I am still praying the day will come soon when my husband can again write those kind of words to me. He is still thick in teh fog, but I have a greater partner than he, God. His presence is still in all of this mess and His way will be... Thanks for the words of encouragement and inspiration...

Samantha,<P>I am rejoicing with you. Wow! What a testimony to God's greatness. And what a lovely poem from your husband.<P>I came on line tonight to see if there was any encouraging news from anyone. Your letter was the first I read!!! This was not an accident or coincidence. This was God working.<P>My update briefly is 6 months of separation,<BR>divorce papers filed by H who moved out in March, 'having fallen in love'. etc, etc,<BR>all the same comments. The past month he has been calling me regularly, we started counseling 3 weeks ago, and go out at least once a week. It seems that the OW is out of the picture. Final date for divorce is early <BR>Sept. He feels he'd like it to go through and 'start over'. I know that God can change this even now. <P>Your update wasn't long, it was wonderful. You and your husband and family will continue to be in my prayers. <P>Praise be to God, who does marvelous things.<P>Committed

<B>Stella</B><P>Hi, how do I stay so upbeat? Well, I don't but, one trick I use is to always count my blessings and remember how it used to be before discovery and how it is now. A comparison so to speak. That usually seems to help.<P>My husband basically ended the affair upon discovery. Very long story. They kept talking pretty regularly at first. Didn't help much for the withdrawal thing. After a while she didn't really want to talk to him all the time and would put her hand up as in a stop fashion when he would try to talk to her. On other days they did talk. The communication got less and less as the months progressed. To my knowledge the last time they actually had a conversation was July 19, 1999. That may not be actually correct, but that is the last day I am aware of.<P>Nine and a half months after discovery he switched shifts and departments at the GM plant he works at. That really speeded up the pace on our recovery and his withdrawal. He slowly and I mean very slowly feel in love with me again. I don't want you to misunderstand though. That does not mean he does not love OW. His memories of her are very fond. "It was what it was." is a favorite quote of his. I don't like this aspect of the whole thing. I wish he'd see her in a different light or the light I see her in, the one others who have actually viewed him/him with her do. Unfortunately he does not see her this way. I imagine I will always feel she is a threat to me until if/when he does? <P>Stella, there for sure is hope for your marriage. This man did not love me any more at all. I mean like a man should love a wife. They were talking about marriage and what would happen when, not if, they got married. Anything is possible with God and his wonderful son Jesus on your side. <P>It usually requires tons of changes on the part of the betrayed. Not fair, but it sure seems to be the necessary formula to make this work.<P>Why aren't you sure if your husband has stopped seeing the other woman?<P>My husband had his OW in his view for 6 days a week, eight hours a day for nine months after discovery. Made it very hard on all of us, him, her and myself. Still God provided the miracle and it all has worked out. Don't give up hope or faith. Believe that it will work and know you just have tons and tons of work to do. This task will never change, you will always have to work hard from now on to keep your marriage working and wonderful. The good news is the rewards are fantastic! <P>I hope some of this has helped you? If not direct some more questions my way and I will try and answer them for you.<P><B>Nerly</B><P>Hey there dear buddy, so glad you dropped by. Yes, I do know that you know what a big deal this is. I am so happy to share this with you. You helped me so much when my days were bleak. <P>You are but another one of God's angels here on earth. Love ya honey. <P><B>Iam4us</B><P>Your welcome for the encouragement and keep praying as you are. I will and I know others from the site will too. Try not to despair and keep your attitude up as much as possible particularly around your husband. This really is doable, very doable.<P><B>Tyra</B><P>Glad this gave you another day of hope. Boy do I know what you mean. I too got much hope from reading threads/posts here, and still do for that matter.<P>Keep up the faith and hope. God will provide the rest. <P><B>Lor(lor)</B><P>Yes, I know you are doing well. I still lurk and read posts. So how are the two of you doing since your trip? <P><B>HW</B><P>Your welcome and that day will come. You have the right attitude and the right first partner! Praise the Lord. God will provide you all you need. This is just part of the infamous "Roller Coaster Ride" that you and your husband are on. I have to tell you the ups and downs do get less severe. <P>Keep up the wonderful attitude. You are more than half way there.<P><B>Committed</B><P>I am going to start praying that your divorce won't come in September but, you too have the right attitude. There really have been people on this site you ended up divorced and then got back together and remarried again. So, keep your attitude up, your resolve strong, your prayers going.<P>Yes, the Lord is wonderful and miraculous. Pretty amazing all in all. <P>I am so happy you came on line and read this. You are right it was no accident. Again God, is so wonderful.<P>Thank you for lifting me, my husband and my family up in prayers. We need it and appreciate it. I particularly do. <P><B>Everyone,</B> it has been a long haul, and it isn't over. I am sure it will continue until the day I take a last breath here on this earth. It is a wonderful adventure, and I am full of excitement to greet each new day (or mostly I am. )and see what marvelous new memories my husband and I have yet to make, what things we have to discover. You all are going to be fine. This is just a major growth period. Growing always hurts. Remember those growing pains you used to get as a child in your legs? This is much like them. Eventually the ache will go away.<P>Much love as always,<BR><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited August 14, 2000).]