Well folks, my battle is over...my marriage lost and divorce is looming. Now my biggest concern is that we set up the most beneficial (to our children) visitation schedule. We have a 4 year old boy (going to be 5 in October) and a 3 1/2 year old girl. They are close to both of us, and we have been doing a 2 day rotation. This is getting cumbersome, and we know we will have to agree on a long term schedule. It breaks my heart to put my two beautiful children in this position, but there is no other choice. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for child visitation? Any input is appreciated.

Keep thinking about your children. What is in their best interests?<P>Is your son going into school this year? If so, I am a firm believer in the children having one place they call home, unless you can live within a couple of blocks of each other. If he is not going to school, you can be more flexible.<P>How are the courts where you are? In many jurisdictions, mommy gets the kids as the default. If this is the case (or in any case) fight for all of the time you can get.<P>I was lucky. The judge saw that even though I was dad, I had the best interests of the children and I was granted primary custody. Be prepared for a battle. But the kids are worth it. I have spent over $5,000 and we have no assets. This is just for the kids.<P>I would go for primary custody with the stbx having standard visitation. Here in California, that is every other weekend, one overnight, and one evening. For us it worked out to be Wednesday overnight, Monday 5-8, and every other weekend.<P>As I said, you will probably have a battle on your hands. I recommend the Father's Right's to Custody website. They are pretty anti-marriage, but they are the best site for resources for this type of thing. They are at <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody." TARGET=_blank>www.deltabravo.net/custody.</A> <P>Good Luck to you. Keep up the good fight.<P>Brian

I agree with Granpabri. Children need a stable home. Either with the mom or the dad, but with the parent who will be there and keep THEIR best interests at heart- which means, if someone thinks it's okay to have their honey there, they are probably not the right parent for the job. <P>As far as visitation goes, if it can be done amicably, I'd allow as liberal visitation as possible. My parents divorced and we went back and forth a lot. This was good for us because we never felt like we had lost either one. I am not sure how it was for them, but it made us feel safe and secure because they never fought in our presence and never put each other down. I think this is the ideal solution, if it can be done.<P>Something has to be put down on paper however, so the standard every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer is fine for the non -custodial parent, I guess.

Hi guys, my H and I have 5 children and 2 sets of ex's...our kids range from 20-12 now and the youngest was 6 mos when divorce hit. <P>No matter how you feel about your ex (unless they are unfit) you should have liberal visitation. It is usually good to set up a schedule at first, especially if there are hard feelings, so the OS has a guideline they have to follow. I started with every other weekend, one night during the week, 2 wks in the summer and alternating holidays. My ex has always had to just call and ask for the kids and if they did not have any plans they were allowed to go. The important thing is to get as much visitation as you can. My H had very limited visitation when he divorced but as things cooled down he had them 4 days a week...his youngest was not in school and he worked nights, so this was awesome.<P>Usually the thing that happens is people get stuck to the schedule and miss out on a lot. If your children are truly important to you, you will make sure you contact the school and have them send you report cards, newsletters, etc and be there every chance you get. You would have been there if you were still married. Make your children a priority and the separation from your family will be less stressful...hope this helps.