My H has systematically killed off all the good feelings I have ever had for him over the course of our relationship. And he continues to do so with each passing day.<P>My LoveBank hasn't been full for a long time, and now I just think it's empty. I cannot stand him sometimes. I think he's selfish and manipulative. He ignores our son, and never spends quality time with him. He never supports me or my feelings or cares what is important to me. All that seems to matter to him is what HE wants and what HE needs and whether or not he is getting it.<P>I guess maybe my fuse is so short is because this isn't the first time for an EA for him. And this one is possibly a PA, but he won't admit anything. I know the only way I will find out is if I find the evidence myself. He's done some pretty outrageous things to conver things up. He claims to be over her, but I doubt it. He claims to not be going on to the internet to look at porn or chat, but I just don't believe him.<P>He's so hung up about me wanting full disclosure and openness and honesty, that he frequently turns it around on me when I don't care to discuss something. Not that I am hiding things, but sometimes I feel less than in control and I dont' want to talk about it for the moment. So he throws the old "Oh, so much for full disclosure!". I get so aggravated with that stuff because I feel like he is just trying to manipulate me. He doesnt' fight fair. Never has and I wonder if he ever will.<P>We start our marital counseling tonight and I am so nervous because I know he will pretend in front of this one, just like he did with the last one. He is very controlled there, so I end up looking like a raving lunatic and he ends up looking like Mr Calm, cool and collected. <P>Thanks for letting me vent about this. I'm just so concerned that I can't pull this off anymore. He was doing well for a while, but has slipped back into his ways again, and I can't deal with his attitudes and his lack of caring about me.

Adamanteve,<P>I know exactly how you feel, therefore, I can't offer you much support b/c I'm in the same situation. Only difference is my H's OW is out of the picture now.<P>My concern is that we are rapidly going back to our "old" ways that lead to the A to begin with. My H is not so much sarcastic about the program as he is just down right not interested. It is so frustating and I feel like he has once again betrayed me with the fact that he agreed, before he came back home, as hard as it would be, we would work on having a better marriage than the one we had prior to the A.<P>So, we went through this Honeymoon stage and since then everything has begun to fall off the wagon as we go along. As long as I do all the relationship work, we do fine, but if I stop for one day, everything falls apart and we are back to square one. He does nothing to enhance or build us up. Why should I do everything? It has always been this way for us, not just the marriage, but EVERYTHING.<P>I really feel like throwing up my hands and walking out, and if I had the finances to back me, I'm not so sure I wouldn't!!!<P>No help to you, I'm sorry. I'm venting too, I guess.<P>Thanks, Cathy

My STBX was a fabulous manipulator who had the counselors eating out of his hand- for a session or two. Most of them see through it in time. Give it a chance. I know how it feels to have the impression everyone thinks YOU are the bad guy and he's just great. It all comes out in the wash eventually.<P>I think we all get to the point of frustration and wondering if it is worth it to go on. I think it is part of the process. It will be up and down for a while, and then one day, you just know. It kind of settles on you and you just know. ...at least that is how it was with me. With that knowing comes peace. It's just getting through it all to get to that point that is so hard!<P>I can't say what you should do. I know it often feels like a solitary journey, but we are with you. We've experienced this too and will support you. Hang in there.<P>And vent away!