STBX and I are divorcing SOON. In our property settlement, I have given him title to the house in exchange for the priviledge of living there at his expense until I choose to leave. One year, ten years, forty years- whatever.<P>Anyway, the STBX has asked me if he can move back in!!! There is nothing in the property settlement that says he can't. It's his house.<P>I am not sure if this is a reconciliation attempt, a means of getting me out of the house so he doesn't have to pay for two households, or what. I am not liking this, but I don't think that there is anything I can do about it if he really wants to do this. <P>Any ideas?<P>I don't think it's a good idea. I am sure he would have his women and friends over. They are not proper people I'd want my child around. I don't want to have to deal with his crap or his trying to touch me all the time.<P>Suggestions?

First off ... Hello Popeye! How the heck are you? Really missed your presence on this board.<P>As far as Poorme moving back in, gosh .. it would have be an awfully BIG house for me to say yes, at least 50K square feet. <P>My suggestion to this is "no" it's not doable or livable and you named the reasons why.<P>He'd be trying to schmooze you into doing things you didn't want and then after rejection he may be tempted to retaliate by having his "FRIENDS" over.<P>It just doesn't sound like a healthy arrangement for you or daughter. Too close for comfort. Either it's a marriage or it's not, and trying to be just friends is not realistic at this point. You both still have deep feelings for one another. If it was 5 years of separation, I MIGHT consider it, but it's too soon.<P>What are his reasons for wanting to move in? Financial? Companionship? Security?<P>"IF" he wants to explore recovery, then he should be honest about that. Then you two could date, exclusively that is, no third parties involved. And no cohabitation. Anything less is traveling backwards, you agree?<P>Hope this helps you. Sure great seeing you here, Popeye. Have missed you.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 16, 2000).]

<BR>Popeye!!! Way cool that you're back!!!<P>About Poorme moving in: NO. DUMB IDEA. NOPE. NO UPSIDE, BIG DOWNSIDES. If he wants to reconcile, then come to an arrangement on how to proceed. <P>Bystander

Popeye:<P>You might want to visit a lawyer who specializes in property law issues. I don't know what state you live in, and I haven't seen your property settlement agreement, but theoretically, the agreement could be considered a tenancy of some sort. That would have some major legal ramifications.<P>Technically, under a proper tenancy, the landlord surrenders possession to the tenant, and thereby loses his right to re-enter and take possession of the property except under certain circumstances (like failure to pay rent, abandonment, etc.)<P>If the agreement you have creates a tenancy for you, then your STBX can't necessarily come back in and live there just because he owns the house. He'd have to legally dissolve the tenancy.<P>I wouldn't even begin to know how to advise you in that regard. Your best bet is to visit a lawyer in your state who has some expertise in the landlord-tenant relationship, and general real property law.<P>In any case, if the agreement does NOT create a tenancy, he may have just as much right to live there as you do, and no amount of objecting on your part will dissolve that right.<P>In short, you need to see a lawyer if this is a MAJOR bone of contention for you.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

Hey Popeye ...<P>After reading your post a second time, I'm thinking you might have been referring to legal ramifications of Poorme moving in.<P>If you were, then I believe Lone Star has really given you some good advice.<P>If you were wondering about the emotional aspect of Poorme moving in, well then I think my post to you was applicable.<P>So ... if you have a choice legally to not have PM move in with you, then my vote is still "no".<P>He's a big boy and needs to look to himself for his emotional maturity for a change. Although we both know there are plenty of dysfunctional women out there who will lure him into their web of deceit under the guise of true love and a healthy relationship.<P>Be well,<BR>Jo

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Resilient:<BR><B>What are his reasons for wanting to move in? Financial? Companionship? Security?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I *think* they are all of the above. I *think* he has broken with his whore somehow (either she with him or him with her) and he's looking for someone to take care of him again. He complained of not knowing who he could trust, and I think he is looking for comfort in the place he's always found it- me.<P>Everything is always motivated by money in some way with him. I also think there is some element of control too. If he is here, he would try to dictate things.<P>And he is lazy at heart. He needs someone to clean up after him. He doesn't do well alone. <P>I don't think it has anything to do with wanting to reconcile- although if I were foolish enough to do that, I am sure he would- and then go right back to his cheating ways. I am not interested, thank-you very much!<P>Lone Star,<P>I *think* I have a tenancy for life. It is forfeit only if I die or voluntarily vacate. If that is the case, you are right. I would have the same rights as a property owner and could keep him out. BUT he has a slick lawyer who has threatened me with all kinds of stuff. I don't trust the legal system. I believe it is more who you know than what you know or what the law says. I am sure if there were a loophole, he'd find it. So, I am not really comfortable even if the law is on my side.<P>This is not something I want to do.

Popeye:<P>It's up to you to decide whether you're going to use the legal system to keep your STBX out or not. I understand not trusting the legal system. As a government lawyer, I deal every day with people who don't trust the legal system.<P>Here's the long and short of it, though:<P>If you don't want him there, you need to find out whether you can LEGALLY keep him out. If you can, then it doesn't matter who he knows or how slick his lawyer is. Unless the law gets rewritten, he's going to have to abide by it.<P>Even if he finds a loophole, at least you'll make him have to SPEND MONEY and EFFORT to get this done. If he REALLY wants to move back in, then he'll find a way to get it done. I suspect, however, that if you make it hard enough on him, he won't do it.<P>I still suggest that you see a lawyer to find out what your rights as a tenant are. If you don't do that, at least look up some of the tenants' rights organizations on the internet to see what the law says about your rights in the house.<P>It can't hurt to be prepared.<BR><P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>