Just wondering- those of you separated and still Plan Aing- any advice on what to do or what to avoid?<BR>My H has only been gone for a week. So far I have seen him every day. Most of this has been because he has been picking up the kids from daycare. However, for the last couple of days, he has been refusing to make concrete plans- says he'll call me later. He may be in contact with her again. Anyway, one of his hobbies is photography. We have pictures all over the place. I have been meaning to put all of these in photo albums. I was thinking of making one for him with pictures of the kids. Don't want him to forget about them while he is in his new house. What do you think?<BR>What else have you done that made a dent?<BR>

I think the album is a good idea. While my H was gone I would call his voicemail when I knew he wasn't at work just to say "Hi, I love you and miss you" I would also send him cards at work. I made sure he knew that this was his home and he was welcome. Be patient, it takes time.

Hi Cloudy,<P>As Fairydust said, greeting cards, simple ones that aren't mushy, tell him what's going on in yours and your children's lives within the card. Insert recent pix of you and the kids.<P>Also, why don't you try and make him a casserole once in a while, maybe just one or two so he remembers what your wonderful home cooking is like. Homemade cookies are good too. Don't make this a habit, remember, you want him to miss you.<P>IF you find yourself in a conversation with him that aggravates or makes you angry, take a breathe and say "I understand, I see, Okay" then end the conversation and exit. Don't LB if you can at all help it.<P>Send him a EN Questionare in the mail along with a letter from you explaining how you would very much like to know his ENs. Send a self addressed envelope along with it so he can simply fill it out and shoot it back to you Pronto. Make sure you thank him profusely for doing it. <P>Hope I've helped you. I know how hard this is Cloudy, I'm there too. But at least their not in the house and ding this stuff right in your face, I believe that is so much harder, just ask Lora.<P>Best,<BR>Jo

There were a few books that became my "Bibles" (other than the actual Bible, as well ) during our separations. I understood what lovebusting was, but had a hard time getting a handle on actual Plan A, non-doormat behaviors, most of these books are pretty compatible to A & give other, actual examples of things to do or situations you may find yourself in.<P>YOUR HUSBAND'S MIDLIFE CRISIS by Conway<BR>LOVE LIFE FOR EVERY MARRIED COUPLE by Wheat<BR>HOPE FOR THE SEPARATED by Chapman<BR>DIVORCE BUSTING by Weiner-Davis<BR>HOW TO GET YOUR LOVER BACK by Harris<BR>LIGHT HIS FIRE by Kriedman (Kreidman?)<P>I found a lot of these in my city library, Amazon carries most or you can find them used at <A HREF="http://www.addall.com." TARGET=_blank>www.addall.com.</A> <P>And there's always: look good, smell good, offer affection, but don't smother, cry as little as you can. (I'm a big cryer, no matter my intentions. I even cry when I'm happy.)<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Hey Cloudy,<P>Just wanted to say that the photo album was a great idea in my case.<P>For Fathers Day I bought a nice, masculine album and put the kids to work filling it up. I didn't have them include too many pics of me...to obvious. We gave him the album and a camera and film for F. Day. He loved it, and I think he looks at it a lot in his apt. Hope so anyway.<P>The project was kind of hard, because some of my most precious pictures were put in his album. Now I wish I would have made copies of them for myself. Who knows if I'll ever get the chance to see them again. Not a pity party comment...but reality.<P>You sound good Cloudy. Keep up your spirits and your good ideas.<P>allison