I just read on another post that we all have a carrot dangling in front of us, hoping...<P>Is this true? Why do I continue to let my H dangle that carrot in front of me?<P>I deserve better than this, I know this, why can't I accept it and just move on with my life without him in it?<P>It's odd that when he was gone, I somehow functioned very well, I wanted him back, but in a way it was kind of exciting to stay afloat all by myself. Please explain!<P>My main reason for not leaving (right away)is money... I have none, I am not gainfully employed, his paycheck is stretched to the max every week, so there is no socking any away for me.<P>I have been a stay at home mom for 31 f------years and this is my reward... A self righteous, non self-respecting husband who will stop at nothing to humiliate me and cause me emotional hurt and pain. <P>How in the name of God am I supposed to deposit love into his account feeling this resentful and angry.<P>I felt as if I had died last July and now I feel like I'm in a dream trying to be something I am not.<P>I am so upset with my H right now that I'm glad he is out of town or on the town, whatever he is doing right now is not GOOD for me or us.<P>Cathy

Catplay,<P>Are your kids still at home? Is there someway/somehow you could start getting that paycheck of your own? Maybe that in itself would give him a wake up call, plus give you a distraction.<P>Even after this long (going on 3 years) I still have a hard time accepting that this could really be the person he is. I keep waiting for/hoping for the person I thought he was to come back and take over and all this crap to just go away. I know that's not the way it's going to be, but I keep hoping and praying. Maybe he never was the person I thought he was.<P>I think if I could stop feeling so hurt and just get totally mad it could help. I transfer all my hate and blame to the OW. Sometimes I even transfer my frustration with him to my kids which in no way is fair to them. I don't know why I can't just blast it at him. I think maybe because then it would make him appear justified in leaving me - instead of my anger being justified by his leaving me! My sister asked what would have to have to happen for me to really hate him. Number one, I don't know that I can survive whatever that might be. Number two, if I let myself really hate him, then I would be the one saying there is no hope -- can't be the one to do that. Number three, me containing/ disguising/redirecting my hate may be what's keeping him alive !!!<P>I have people tell me just to tell myself the same thing I would tell someone else in the situation. It comes down to we're better off without them. Easier said than done.....

Thanks for being here!<P>I too think that I have not just absolutely let him have it, gotten good and angry for what he has done to me, the children, all of us for that matter.<P>I did get angry but, I was afraid to let it all out and I think that the anger is holding me back from showing my loving feelings to him again(whats left to show at this point without appearing sappy).<P>I was afraid if I got to angry, he would leave me again. I can't let that happen can I ? Because I need him, right! That's my problem, I do need him. I have never had to take care of myself. My father took care of me, then, my husband took care of me. I have always had what I wanted and someone else gave it to me. Now, when I wanted my husband, I stomped my feet and I didn't get him. I couldn't take that, so I whined and begged and pleaded to him for months to come back and just when I decided to go it without him, he came back. I think he got scared that I would actually not need him.<P> He had someone else stomping their feet, only difference was she didn't have the marital baggage the two of us had. Granted she had her own baggage but, she was the fairy princess b/c she could cater to his every whim ...grown children, she left her H, she is employed, has her own income, she is a flirtatious sex goddess, boob job and all. <P>This is all so confusing and I am beginning to wonder if posting here is bad for me. I do get riled up sometimes and start reliving the past hurt and bad experiences, but I have enjoyed being able to share with people who hurt as badly and offering support for those who hurt worse that me.<P>I've also notice that it is rather "cliqueish" on here and they will answer you if they feel like and they do have their favorites to communicate with. They will post right over your comments as if you hadn't even posted. Don't like that.<P>But, thanks again for responding, I don't get a whole lot of that here.<P>Cathy

Lettingo<P>I'm sorry, I probably didn't even answer any of your questions, I went off on a tangent, didn't I?<P>We have four children, two are grown and out and two are home, one is 18 and the other is 11.<P>I have had jobs during my married life, but nothing to brag about or to notify social security . I'm 51 years old. I too, have people tell me I would be better off without him or wouldn't it be better to live alone than to live like this. I can honestly say, I do not want to live alone at this point. I feel like I have given him the best years of my life and now, I could be faced with trying to develop new relationships at my age. I know it happens all the time, but have you seen the statistics on the chances of meeting and marrying someone else. With every decade the chances drop drastically and when you hit the fifties it crashes.<P>Men do not want to get involved with 50 something women, unless they are totally needed and dependent.<P>Scary thought isn't it?<P>Cathy