Hi,<BR>I hope I make this short and clear(sorry if it gets long). Today I went to help my SIL, and she asked me about my H. So I said there wasn't much happening, I just saw him in July, buy he e-mailed me and he wanted to see me this coming Monday.<P>I checked his band's website and I thought last week he was back but he didn't call me and then he e-mailed me saying he was very busy.<P>Then SIL told me he was actually back last week. So I was a bit surprised and so why he didn't call me since he was telling me in his e-mail that he missed me alot.<BR>Then she said he brought OW with him. You know, I thought I was ready to move on but that really crashed me. I strated to cry. Some of you know I'm in Canada and Ow lives in MASS. I felt my place was invaded..<BR>SIL kept telling me that I can't change anybody but only myself. I was doing so much better, and why H had to do this?? And that's why he didn't try to see me... Why do I keep believing him? I'm so stupid, I thought he became finally honest with me. But he's not and I really had enough this time. So I just sent this e-mail to him:<P>Dear H,<P>Just wanted to let you know that there's no need for you to call me Sunday, because I won't be able to see you on Monday. I also would like to ask you for 2 things. 1: Please file for divorce so I don't have to get hurt any longer and I can move on my life. And you can do this to at least take responsibilities for what you've done and what you are doing. This is good for you, by doing it you don't have to feel bad for doing anything you want for your life.<BR>2: I'd like you to take your stuff on Monday, I will leave them outside of the door around 4:30 so please take them.<P>It's so sad things have to be this way and have to end this way when we had so much things shared for good. But I have to protect myself and I can't be in your game anymore.<P>If you really need me(only me--not one of them), when you sort things out and you're ready and you still have feeling for me then please let me know. then we will talk.<P>Till then, hope you are well and be happy.<P>Meg<P>It's kinda plan B letter.. but I know this is not very good, maybe tons of LBing but I DON'T CARE! I just need to be happy and get out from these crap!!!<P>So there won't be anything to tell you for a while, but I want to help other people here. Maybe I should change my name to CryNoMore if this is still available. I don't want to cry for myself anymore. <P>Please just give me a hug..<P>Meg(CryNoMore)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Meg}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}...<P>I'm sorry the ways things are turning out...<P>I'm praying for you... <P>You're right..<BR>...your Plan B letter was just a bit full of LBs...<P>...if you want to re-compose an new one...<BR>...we'll help!<P> <P>Jim

Oh Meg,<P>I'm so sorry. That must have hurt so much to have your SIL tell you that he brought OW with him. And then he lied by omiting the truth. God I feel your pain, Hon. I hurt for you, I know what you're feeling. He could have just ripped your heart out, that would have hurt less.<P>You're getting a BIG HUG from me.<P>I don't think your email has any real LBs in it. I understand what you're trying to say to hm and I think he'll understand too. If he cares about you then he should leave you alone until he is ready to explore the marriage possibilities again.<P>My gosh I know this was hard to write. You and I are pretty much in the same boat as far as how things are going. I'm trying to protect myself too from my H's back and forth motion of OW. I don't have the emotional strength for it right now. I can't take the lies, I believe him and then he hurts and dissapoints me (that's an understatement).<P>You are being strong for yourself by protecting yourself, I know how you feel. Some MBers think we should continue on by being there for our Hs because they need us and so we can work on resolving what caused the Infidelity in the first place, and I see their point however, I, like you, can only deal with so much pain for so long. <P>I'm saying a prayer for you Meg, I know how bad you're hurting right now. I really do feel it.<P>Take care of yourself, treat yourself good, you deserve to be treated good. You're worth being loved better than this.<P>Best,<BR>Jo

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MF}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I hope that the hug I am sending will be big enough to help you out.<P>I don't feel I can give you proper advice really as I am trying really hard to work on my own marriage here. But I do think that until all who have been betrayed go through all the bull**** , all the pain and all the emotions we can't heal no matter what.<P>I have thought many times I was doing really well and then I find out a memory trigger can bring me right back to the front of the roller coaster line.<P>I have been on anti-depressants for about 6 months now. I dread the day I have to wean myself off them as I really don't think I will ever be able to make it without the help they give me.<P>I am into my 15th month of D-Day and while I am lucky that H and I are doing so well I still know I am not secure enough within myself to not have the wind knocked out of my sails as easily as you felt you did.<P>I am so sorry your H is being inconsiderate towards you and I am so sorry your SIL had to tell you. I do think you ought to know but I am sure it was hard for you to ehar that from SIL.<P>My prayers and thoughts will be with you.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Meg,<P>Are you there? Are you doing okay?<P>Maybe you could send us a post and let us know you're doing alright, I know you're hurting and I'm just concerned.<P>Jo

I'm sending you a big hug also. I'm sorry that you had to hear it from your SIL. Infidelity is painful for all involved.<P>I know it has completely torn my H's family apart. Though they support me and the kids and believe that what he is doing is wrong, they also tell me to just work on myself that this is his problem.<P>It does not really take the pain away.<P>Did you send the e-mail??? The unfortunate thing is that our emotions, our pain, is never really heard by our WS. They tend to simply use it as more fuel. If you haven't sent it, you may want to say all the things you said but in a way that is still loving. I'm probably not the best at plan B letters as I have tended to let my emotions and hurt get in the way, but I think I have finally gotton it through my thick skull that it doesn't mean anything to my H.<P>Since his finally admitting the PA and the yelling about D. I have been trying very hard and succeeding most of the time in being accepting (not of the A) and distant.<P>To be quite honest, it has given me much more control in my life to be this way. <P>It is a struggle...and I pray often. For me, I have to try very hard NOT to listen to others and what they are saying. (like your SIL and my H's family) To pretend they are not talking about me and my life. I am finally learnig to be quiet..to not defend myself or put down my H and what he is doing (also OP). When I hear things...(when OP's h calls with info) I am not discussing it any more with anyone. <P>In the end we really can only change ourselves. If I've learned anything in this disgusting mess it is that!!! and it has been a hard lesson... I will be forever changed by it.... <P>It doesn't mean I don't get crushed by what I hear...but I can only conduct myself the way I think is right... not better than anyone else, but the way that I feel better about myself. <P>But remember, your tears are felt by us... <BR>((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

Meg--<P>Big {{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}, Babe. This is just rotten! I'm so sorry. Was just getting ready to respond to your request on the other thread when I decided to look you up first. (Snake's are psychic that way!) <P>Your letter was pretty on the mark but not truly a Plan B with the lovebusting. But I can't fault you for that. I can't fault you for anything with the way your H is behaving. <P>Your compatability reading...it's a doozy, Hon. I don't want to send it! IF I did it would be very anti-MB of me. I like to post encouraging things. This wouldn't be like that. This would have you definately not walking but running in the opposite direction. <P>What I CAN say is you can be strong. Your motto is perserverence. Your strength is your work and creativity. Try and take a little solace in that for now if you can. You also know how to let loose! But avoid drinking, etc.--you kind of are vulnerable in that area and you don't need more troubles right now.<P>A fellow Goat born in your year--Julia Roberts. <P>If there's anything at all I can do for you, Meg, you just let me know.<P>Aloha,<P>Leilana<P>

Hi all,<BR>Thanks for so many hugs. I felt your kindness.. thank you very much.<P>I'm glad my SIL told me this, she was very concerned about me and she thought I should know(and I agree with her). But I was so hurt so I kinda mad at all of my in laws who met OW last week... very selfishly. Why couldn't they mean to her? Why were they nice to her being there?? 2 of my BILs and a wife of one of them(who told me this) and I are very close and they are not happy about what H is doing but they feel they can't say anything about this... because at the end my H has to figure out about his action. My SIL even said that she tried to bring up about this for a couple of times to my H(I think it was last week), and he didn't want to listen. Right now he's still blaming everything to everybody, especially his father. So there's no hope now. He doesn't want to take responsibilities, and just running away from all of the problems he has. Many times he said to me that he can't be honest to himself. I don't want to dragged into "his" mess anymore because he's so screwed up.<P>Jim--Yes, I know my e-mail is full of LB.. but it's ok, if he takes this in a bad way that's his problem and even if he wants to be with me now I can't be with him--unless he gets some help. He has so many problems and I'm tired of taking care of him now after all of the crap he gave me. I'm just tired..<P>Jo--I'm ok... I mean I will be. I cried reading the replies for my post. One thing I have to tell you.. I thought you were going to plan B before me but I guess I jumped ahead !! The way I went to Plan B was a bit outrageous but I know I will be better off without H. By not contacting I don't have to get hurt from his action, and after believing him and being betrayed again and again, now it's time to let him know that I can't play with him anymore.<P>heartache--Thanks. I'm on Paxil, and helped me lessen my pain(and my therapist believes it's not because of the med.. I only take a half of the pil and she thinks because "i" believe it is working). It's good to know you are on recovery, although I can imagine there are still many bumps on the road.. but you are going to have a stronger marriage with your H so take care and let us know about your situation. <P>tootrusting--Unfortunately I sent it , and there's no regret. Maybe that make my H lean on OW more (like your H did when you did Plan B) but that's ok... now he has to either a)get all of his EN from OW, or b)find another woman who will replace my part.<BR>But this is the longest relationship he had and I know I was really good for him, and now he can't see it so doesn't this show something?? I just want to be with someone who respects me for who I am, not trying to choose one from many women. Maybe one day he realizes about all of the things and maybe he wants to be with me. AND maybe at the time if I still have feelings for him then maybe we will be together. I'm not gonna wait for that day not doing anything, I will move on.. with or without a love in my life.<BR>I talk about what happened to many people(I mean the ones I feel confortable to), because I think I'm ready to discuss about it. They are very supportive and tell me to do anything for myself. And I've beem doing that and I was pretty happy, then wham! things happen like this. It's very hard.<BR>I'm sorry about situation.. your H can't still see things clearly. it's hard, but when they start their lives together and I will think your H come to his senses.<P>I pray every night that I will be strong and be a better person. I also pray for everyone here your pains get less and you will have strength and will be able to find happiness with or without your spouses.<P>I will be ok, and again, thank you so much for the hugs and supports .<BR>Love you all <P>Meg

Leilana,<BR>I won't ask you to send me the reading for me and my H, so don't worry <P>So it WAS ok to send that LBing mail to him after all!!! Right?<P>Yes I'm very persevering, but I'm getting tired( )!<P>Ok, I have to tell you something(hahaha).. My father used to give me beer when I was very little.. I used to sip everyday!! Luckily I didn't become alcholic, and I don't like the taste that much anymore. I prefer drinking pink grapefruit juice <BR>But I am a chocoholic <P>Thanks for the reading! And well, me and Julia Roberts.... I don't see any similar things... but I like her!<P>Meg<P>