Well, once again, all is not so wonderful in paradise... surprise, suprise! <P>Friday (not Thursday) morning before work, my SIL called with the details of my uncle-in-law's wake and funeral arrangements. She told me she called her brother at work the evening before to tell him. I was kind of surprised he hadn't called me considering we had "promised" that each would call the other when we heard what the arrangements were. I figured I would call him later that day at work.<P>Well, I was very busy that day and didn't call, so I decided I would stop by or call after my hair appointment that evening. I went and got my nails done, then my hair (a perm - looks terrific, if I do say so myself!). My hairdresser is also one of my closest friends, and another friend stopped by while I was getting my perm and we all stayed after I was done to talk. It was getting on toward 8:45pm by the time I headed home.<P>I was going to go straight to the pizza place, but literally talked out loud to myself and went home instead. It was a weird one-person argument (does that mean I've finally completely lost it? LOL!!!). Twice I had the directional on to turn toward the pizza place, and twice I said "No - go home!" I told myself that it would be better to see if he had tried to reach me at all before I decided to call him or go there. If he hadn't tried, there was always Saturday night to reach him if I still felt it was necessary.<P>When I got home, I put my stuff away and then realized I had forgotten to get cat food on my way home. My two cats were sitting in the kitchen looking at me pathetically (it had probably been all of 3-5 HOURS since they had finished up the food I'd left for them that morning - pigs!). I checked my caller ID and saw that my husband HAD called earlier. I decided to call him back.<P>When I reached him, I asked if he was busy and he said he was. He asked me if his sister had reached me and I told him she had. Twice during that part of the conversation he had to put the phone down to do something, so I knew that he was busy, but trying to be polite (maybe after the last time ...). When he got back on the phone the second time, I said, "would it be easier if I stopped by? I have to go out to get cat food anyway - before they chew off my leg here." He said, "sure, if you want."<P>So, I went to the store and got the stuff I needed and then went to the pizza place. We talked about the arrangements for the wake and funeral, and he complained how rude his sister had been with him on the phone. He thought she must be angry without any justification for something to do with the uncle's illness and was hurt and confused. I told him that I doubted her attitude had anything to do with his uncle. I did not say that I know she is disgusted with him because he has violated every value they were brought up with... but I did add that she is upset that he never calls just to say "hi." He didn't say anything to that.<P>The pizza place closed while I was there, and he was going about his clean-up. The phone rang and no one was near it. I jokingly asked the waitress if she wanted me to get it, and she said, yeah, just tell them we're closed. I laughed and said I didn't think my answering the phone there was a good idea, and her eyes got big and she said "Oh - yeah - right, just in case ...." I laughed.<P>After he was done cleaning up, he sat down at one of the booths and I joined him. I was telling him something that had happened at work and he was commisserating somewhat when the phone rang again. As the waitress went to answer it, he said "I'm not here!" but she apparently didn't hear him. It was for him.<P>She called over to him and he rolled his eyes in disgust, shook his head like he was aggravated and got up like he didn't want a thing to do with this call. His entire body language screamed "this is BS." Honestly - I am absolutely certain he was thoroughly disgusted that she had called. He raised his voice a couple of times, but I didn't hear what was being said. I just sat there and minded my own business and smiled... trying to just smile normally and not smugly <P>I am not going to hope or act on this at all. I am just going to go about my life as I have been. Something is not right in paradise, though... maybe he has eaten of the tree of knowledge and is beginning to see her as she truly is. One can only hope. <P>I still don't know if we are going to go down to the wake or funeral together or not. I did let him know that I would appreciate companionship of some kind for the trip, because I am unfamiliar with the area, and driving in metro NY traffic is unnerving even to me (crazy driver that I am - I am way mild compared to the metro NY drivers!). We shall see. Regardless, I will go. I am terri ... hear me ... squeak? LOL!!!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I><p>[This message has been edited by terri (edited August 20, 2000).]

Sounds pretty good so far. <P>Jim

Terri,<BR>I have been away for a few days. I was however very anxious to get an update from you but the tech. thing has kept me from seeing the other post that I had replied to.<P>I am tickled about this update. I agree that things definately don't seem to be going well for him right now. Even seems like his most peaceful moments are when he is with you. That is great!! <P>I also think that you are playing very smart by being calm and patient. Let him come to you, it sounds like he is and will probably continue. <P>I will be checking back in, I hope you keep us updated. I am really happy for you Terri.<P>Genie

Terri, you are so cool .

Thanks for the replies!<P>I do keep reminding myself that we danced this dance last summer and didn't leave the ball together!!<P>I am keeping in contact with him at this point so that I can keep up with the arrangements for his uncle's wake and funeral. I have suggested that we ride together - either on his motorcycle or in my car, as I don't know how to get around down there, and it would make sense to "rideshare" in some fashion.<P>He was probably surprised that I suggested riding with him on the bike - in the past, when we were together, that would not have been an option for me. During my depression, I was afraid of everything - to the point where I wouldn't even attempt something like that, let alone suggest it myself! Even now, it is not something that I look forward to (after the first hour or so I probably won't be having any fun at all!), and in Long Island traffic, I'm sure to be holding my breath a lot!!<P>At any rate - he hasn't finalized his own plans, but has also not refused to take me or ride with me. There is even a small possibility that we will be staying down there together. Like I said, we'll have to see.<P>I'll keep you all updated.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I><p>[This message has been edited by terri (edited August 20, 2000).]