H and I spent all weekend talking! More tlaking than we have done in years. A lot of what was said was not really easy to hear, but it feels so good to be communicating. Apparently, the physical part of the A is on hold until she moves out of the house (H moved out about 2 weeks ago). They are still communicating, but sporadically. Anyway, last week when he finally admitted the A, he felt the need to talk to her and tell her that I knew. They apparently had agreed to deny it to the grave. He had not talked to her in about a week and met her Friday afternoon (public place- no physical contact). She is convinced that her H is suspicious and maybe having her followed. Anyway, when we discussed his A, be broke his promise to her. Apparently, she was not happy about that and LB all over the place. Then in the conversation, he told her how much time he had been spending at my house. He's been here every day and has spent the night a couple of times. Of course, I'm sure he didn't tell her all that. She LB again about him being here. He of course explained that it was because of the kids, but she didn't buy it. She also told him about all the things I was going to do or say to her and that I would of course tell her children and H because I am that type of person. Big LB! She has never met me and does not know me at all. H ended up taking up for me and telling her that I am the most caring, honest and trustworthy person he had ever met. Well, apparently that didn't sit very well with her either.<BR>We talked about so much stuff, I'm still reeling. He is not talking about recommiting or anything like that, but it makes me feel so good that he can tell me what's gong on with him. I told him that if he could just be honest with me, that's all I'm asking from him for now. I told him that I still needed time to process all this. He told me that he felt that he could tell me anything- I told him I would stop him if it got to be too much for me to handle. He is really confused and remorseful about what he has done. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I am feeling better about me and my relationship with my kids and my relationship with him. Hope it lasts. And I hope she continues to LB her way right out of his life.<BR>Oh, and by the way I do think he is being honest with me now. I also think that I have done very little LB during all this, which he finds amazing. Couldn't have done it without all of you. He was full of compliments about the new and improved me!

Oh God Cloudy,<P>Isn't life funny. <P>I too am so much happier when H is honest with me. Even if what he is telling me hurts like hell, it is worse to be lied to. Now you have a place to start Cloudy. Now you know exactly what is going on. You can roll with it now. Expect some of the things he told you to come back and haunt you a bit. I know I go into a bit of a shock when I hear a lot of info from H...then I start re-hashing and the pain sets in. But pain you and I can deal with...better still than the lying.<P>Sometimes I wonder if being a freind to our WS is really the right way to go, but it feels right to me. You need to get to know him again, and he needs to get to know you. You are doing just a wonderful job here. It does blow them away that we don't LB...kinda nice to be in control of that little portion of life isn't it?<P>Keep up the excellent work Cloudy. Expect the roller-coaster to keep up for a while. I get really excited when something good happens like it did this weekend for you, but H kinda gets cool again after. I can only rely on ME right now. And you can rely on yourself.<P>allison

Thanks for your thoughts, Allison.<BR>I sometimes wonder too about being his friend. This is not the kind of relationship I want with him in the future, but I think it's important to re-establish this before we have any hope of anything more. Prior to the A and the empty marriage that led to it, we were best friends. I miss that terribly. It's good to see that he really does care about me- hopefully it's a first step.