Hi everyone:<P>Thanks for all the support.<P>If you know my story you know that recently I caught them together. Well since then I left for a few days without contact with my h. Drove him nuts.<P>He emailed, called and I would not take the calls. Anyhow, OW called me and told me everything and said she is out of the loop and apologized. Then her friend called, but was begging me to give my h a true chance. That was weird.<P>My h is willing for go to counseling (I said I would prefer the Harley's), is on med.’s as I am. I asked if he would go to church and he said he would. He begged me to give him a chance as well.<P>I feel different this time, I don't need him and I don't feel desperate either. <P>Judy<BR>

Your marriage has a chance. My advice would be to step back a bit and let him do the marriage work. You don't have to rush into anything. Counseling, as well as meds & church are a great step in the right direction.<P>Wishing you the best.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Lor:<BR>I am in fact stepping back, and letting him do the work for the marriage. I don't feel like fighting anymore and doing more the my share.<P>Allot of work needs to be done and allot proven to me. <P>I hope he understands, but there is no guarantee.<P>Thanks,<BR>Judy

Lots to think about, eh?<P>Personally, I agree with Lor. Let him step up and do some work. You may find that it is easier for you to do the work on your side as well, now that you have realized that you don't "need him." <P>You are also right that there are no guarantees. There never were though...we just thought there were at one time. Actually, IMHO, once you realize that there are none, it makes you value the rebuilt marriage even more.<P>Kathi<BR>

kam6318:<P>I feel he is stepping up, but withdrawal hasn't hit yet. He actually said that he has closure this time. He never wanted get counseling before. He could handle this himself, what a crock of cr@p. <P>I am rereading SAA and quoted several things to him that was parallel with his affair. <P>I am confused with all the conversation, I have been in lately. I am afraid to give him a chance. Maybe I am to giving and blind. I don’t know what to do.<P>Judy<BR>

I'd start counseling asap...while he is still ready & willing, and before withdrawal sets in. Do try the Harleys...<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi<P><BR>PS if you <B> weren't </B> confused and afraid to give him a second chance, there would be something wrong with you!!! So, don't let that stop you...<P>K<BR><p>[This message has been edited by kam6318 (edited August 21, 2000).]

I will set up an appt asap, but he if won't go to counseling, I will move on. I don't know when we can get an appt, but I feel withdrawal will set in by then, and that will tell me allot.<P>I hope I am not weak.<P>J

Hi Bighope:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I feel different this time, I don't need him and I don't feel desperate either. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I understand this perfectly. After a number of betrayals you get to where you just don't believe in possibilities anymore. If you've given it your best effort and he still went back to seeing OW, then you can assume that he is failing to learn his lesson and has more lessons to learn. Let him learn.<P>Ok, so he wants to come back, it's over with OW...or so they say. Weren't they going to wait until January to tell everyone anyway? Be very cautious and as everyone says let him do the work now. If he trully wants to come back and he's not just stalling for time, then you will be able to tell by his actions. <P>He has made a good start by agreeing to counseling...but withdrawal is still to come...and it can more difficult then he expects. See how he weathers it and then decide whether it is worth it to you.<P>

Buffy:<P>You are correct they were going to wait till January, after her baby was born. But also my h kept extending the time and it was making the ow LB. She was becoming more and more demanding. But playing the sweet one at the same time. <P>Ow has once again gone back to h, and my h said he didn’t feel sorry for her only the kids. Withdrawal again, the worst part I agree is about to come. Hopefully the med.’s for both we can handle it better.<P>My eyes are wide open and my h has to do his part. He and only he can do that. I will do my part and be here for him during withdrawal. He has taken several steps for me and has deleted her email addresses and given me his pass words. Which is a big thing because he takes care of computers and their pass words aren’t to be given out.<P>Thx<P>Judy<BR>