It's me again guys. The Poll taker. <P>I'd like to know how many of you out there have been separated, or are separated and for what duration.<P>And I'd like to know how many have separated more than once, how many times and what duration were they.<P>I'm a stat kinda girl, guess it's the engineer in me.<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"

Hey there Jo,<P>Well you know that H and I are seperated. This is our first seperation and it's been about 3 mos so far.<P>Hope you have a great week off! Gets lots of stuff done and take some time to relax a bit. You sound like you do too much.<P>Any news from H this last weekend? Thought that was weird that he is decorating his home just like yours. You have to know that's where his heart is.<P>take care...allison

Things felt so crazy and wrong after D day I immediately began packing. H still wanted to talk about staying together, but OW wasn't out of picture, so I moved. About a month later he severed relationship with her and we had a few counseling sessions and nine months of living separately and dating. It was really difficult making the decision to move back in with him, because I felt in control in my own place. Have been back since May and things are going pretty well. The scars will always be there, but hopefully we both learned from the experience.

...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited September 13, 2000).]

Hey Jo!<P>This may seem confusing...but here goes:<P>This is our third and last separation. The first was in 9/91 for 3 days, the second in 9/92 for 10 days. This is the final one...almost 8 months. On the road to divorce!<P>How's it going?<P>Mitzi

Background: married 17 years, H began affair 4/98<P>Separations:<BR>1) Aug 98 3 1/2 months<BR>2) Jan 99 2 weeks<BR>3) Apr 99 3 weeks<BR>4) May 99 3 weeks, or more if you include the amount of time he lived in the basement. And I kinda lost count a bit at this point because he came and went a night here and there. I call it all #4 because we were never "back together" until late June.<BR>5) Jul 99 1 month<BR>6) Oct 99 7 weeks<BR>I was Plan A to this point, then<BR>7) Jan 00 4 months<BR>I gave up, should have Plan B, but, I didn't. But my H began to Plan A me...so:<P>Aug 00...new vows, rings back on. As a sidenote, my husband truly believes he did not leave me this many times.<P>From my point of view...separation is mainly for the WS to open up some time to see the OP, even if they say they need time to "think" or "have space" or "find themself". Some of that does or can happen, but separation, with the exception of Plan B/tough love is not the road to getting back together.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Hey Jo:<BR>Spouse and I separated November 15, 1998. He returned home January 1, 1999. About six weeks separation. This was the only time in twenty years we have ever been apart. Oh God, I missed that man...I slept with his robe the entire six weeks.<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited August 21, 2000).]

OK Poll Taker, here's your info:<P><BR>Separated twice.<P>First: Early spring of 1998, for three weeks, with much "back home" visitation. H's idea,to "find himself". H stayed with our grown son and friends. H was having an Emotional fling w/ our daughter's 27 year old friend!!! ( Our son was unaware), D-Day for that 12-23-98 Not sure when this A began, probably a short time prior to this move, therefore I have no idea how long it lasted. It was an EA, but I found a doozy of a letter written to her, whew!!! I wish someone would write me a letter with that much heat!!!<P>Second: July 3, 1999 H's idea, again to "find himself"... H moved out and lived with D male friend, D-Day for this 7-27-99<BR>and continued to stay out of home until Nov. 99. Ended contact with OW in Feb.2000. A began in Sept. 1998.<P>WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, THE DOOR WILL BE CLOSED, IF IT DOES!!!!<P>Do you think one of the guys on here would write me a hot, doozy letter?<P>Cathy

Jo<P>I might hold the record here. I was separated from my wife from Feb 7, 1996 to<BR>March 14, 2000 when we divorced.<P>In other words, I was separated for just over 4 years before we divorced. During this time, I made every attempt (and then some) at reconciliation of our marriage.<P>[censored] from Texas

My H and I separated for 1 week, and then he came back home (all I can hope for is that life wasn't as grand as he thought it would be). Still don't know what the final outcome of his A will be, but have tried to make changes necessary for him to want to stay with me!!<P>Best of Luck!

H moved out about 2 weeks ago. Has been here every day and spent a couple of nights. D day for me was mid- May, his admission last week. Don't know what the future holds.

we were....six months.<P>Lori

D-day was Dec. 14, 99. Moved out the next day. Has been out of the house since then (8 months already!) I've been in a GOOD Plan A for about 3 months and am just starting to see the results... i.e. he is calling me and wanting to see us (our 4yr old and I) and even said he missed us last week! He sees us 2-3 times a week as a rule for a few hours each time. Still optimistic and not redy for plan B as I see changes in both of us in Plan A.<BR>

W and I separated 1 week in 92 after her EA with her boss.<BR>Again for 3 days after I tossed her out in 94 for another EA with another boss of hers.<BR>Another week shortly after to recover. All drove us crazy and we ended up in bed together.<BR>Now, since July 22, 2000, and counting. This time due to her PA with MY boss. Have been spending some time together and have been in the sac a couple times, yet she gets up and leaves for her parents home. I think if there is a next time, I'll offer to pay.<BR>I shouldn't say that but I(a man) felt used.<BR>Don't know if she will ever come back this time. Wants to wipe the slate clean, learn ourselves again, and start over slowly to find happiness with each other. Don't think she is contacting the last OM since he dumped her blind after my discovery and lives two states away. I know what she was to him and NOW I think she does too.<BR>LHC2

H left Feb 98 for 4 days....came back, left again end of Jan 99 ....its been 17 months now....no sign of him returning.....<P>rizz

six long months

Hi to the poll taker,<P>In 1978, H moved out for 7 months.<P>In 1981, H moved out for a year.<P>In 2000, H did not want to move out - decided he wanted me and our mariage.<P>Funny(odd not ha ha), the first 2 times we had young children living at home, this time we have an empty neat and he wants to stay. My first reaction was to throw him out but with counceling and mucho reading, I learned that this decision doesn't have to be immediate. All my options are still open and no decision has to be made until I am comfortable with all the aspects of the affair and the marriage.<P>Taking the time to learn.<P>Peace and love, Ronnie

Well sorry [censored], but I hold the dubious honor of the longest separation.<P>The first separation was in 1990 and lasted 3 months. H has an EA.<P>This separation began May 1995 due to stbxh's EA, and we are still separated. We've tried several times to reconcile but never got as far as moving back in together. I finally filed for divorce in June. It should be final in Nov. So I will have been separated for a total of 5yrs and 6mos. <P>I guess I should get the "beating a dead horse" prize.