Gawd, I miss him. This separation doesn't feel right to me AT ALL. I want to call him but ... What to say? And I know he'll just go running back to sleazy ugly OW.<P>I got the taped transcripts and she is such a big FAT liar. She said she was simply trying to get my H to stop hurting me so she called me to tell me about his affair. Yeah right, like I didn't know.<P>She is so weird the way she looks at things. She said my H left me to make things right by her and her kids. She said she has no reason to harass me anymore. I sure as h&ll hopes thats true.<P>She cried and asked "How will I protect myself??? She is so angry with me because I wreaked her marriage.<P>I want to talk to my H, I miss him and I hate this separation. I'm lonely and I need him to talk to. I wonder how he feels, I wonder if he misses me at all? I know I shouldn't call him, it won't go anywhere. And I'll be more hurt from that. <P>Help me guys, tell me why I shouldn't call him and why it will be so hurtful on my side of things. PLEASE!<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"

Jo, how long has it been since you talked? What exactly did you have in mind by not talking to him. What is he expecting? How long does he usually go without talking to you.<P>I still might wait for him to make the first move. If it is hard find things to do...anything.....<P>Before you do anything, let me know how you left it with him!!!<P>Hang in there!!!!!

Thank God you're there TT. Thank you for responding.<P>I saw him on the 12th of Aug, he emailed me that following Tues and I sent his emails back (I said invaild address). H sent two more emails and I did the same. Then he called and left a msg, asked about email address, I never called him him back.<P>I'm going thru withdrawal really bad right now and I'm on vacation but I didn't go anywhere, just at home. I had a doc appt. and they did blood. They won't say why, but they want more tests, I'm SCARED. I'm worried it's another occurence, I'm in remission.<P>But regardless, I miss him TT. I simply miss him so much. How can I stop thinking of him and missing him, I hurt and I'm in so much pain. It won't go away.<P>I'm not in Plan B really, I'm just torn apart every time I talk to him and so I've distanced myself from it all. Visiting his house and seeing how he's made it a home make me think it's over. Is it over????<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 21, 2000).]

Jo,<BR>You have to wait for him to call you! You shouldn't be calling, you know it.. By calling him it will satisfy your feelings but then you get depressed thinking about anything related to your H.<BR>You are doing much better without him(for now anyway). You are trying to talk yourself into hurting you more.<BR>Hang in there and keep posting !<BR>Meg

Jo, I'm with meg, do not call. Just wait it out. If you feel like you are ready to talk to him WHEN he calls go ahead. <P>Now I'm worried about your health. What is going on???? Are you taking care of yourself. What labs did they take???

Blood Panel, they want more tests on Wednesday. I haven't been feeling good (naseau and dizzy), so I took time off this week to rest. My pap came back suspicious, so I'm having another one done Wednesday also.<P>Thanks you guys, I'm trying to keep busy but I feel like he's slipping away. The longer I don't talk to him the more I think he is closer to OW and he won't ever be with me again.<P>Plus I just miss him and I together. You know ... it's frightening to live in this house all by myself and look at everything. I know you guys must know what I'm talking about. But I have no kids to take care or anyone that needs me. Maybe I shouldn't have taken time off.<P>I wish he cared about me still. I wish he was here for me when I need him.<P>Gosh, this really takes a lot of character and sense of self to get thru this thing. I don't know if I'm that strong anymore.<P>Jo

Hey Jo!<BR>I hope the test results come out alright.. When you feel down everything seems going down. It must be really hard for you right now.. <BR>Jo, I don't have kids either(although I have a cat..)and what are you talking about, you don't have anyone who needs you?? I don't live close to you but I NEED YOU! You've been so nice to me and I know you are a wonderful person! And I need you to give me some wise responses !!<BR>Please hang in there.<BR>Hugs hugs hugs,<BR>Meg

Jo, You have a lot on your plate right now. It is frightening to feel alone esp. when you have your current health concerns.<P>We are right here with you. I will pray for you.<P>What I'm afraid of for you is that you will need him and he won't be able to be there for you.<P>Try very hard to have faith. Faith in God and some faith in yourself. Do not doubt yourself.<P>You are so good at caring about others. You are almost like the wounded healer. Taking care of others to the exclusion of yourself.<P>I know you can do it. Who are your close friends? Can you rent some movies, go for a walk?<P>I know the kids keep me busy. When I am constantly giving to them it takes my mind off of things.<P>It may sound like such a lame idea, but why don't you get a pet. A puppy! Boy that'll keep you going.<P>I wish I could make it all better. You are such a giving person. Keep venting to get through this.

That was so damn good Sweetpea!!!!!!!<P>I was ROFLMAO ... to infinity, plus one!!! <P>You're so right on! He is lapping it up, he does need a boost from a quality, funny, compassionate and yes CUTE woman ... ME!!! As opposed to the "Thing" he's with.<P>From now on I'm going to bring this post up and read it every time I go thru withdrawal. <P>~TT - You're just the best. You truly are a mom. So caring and intuitive. Don't know how I can repay you for being there and listening and most of all understanding. This thing is so hard, isn't it. Thank you, I did what you said and I started to get really busy, it helped immensely.<P>~Meg - I know you're crossing a bridge right now, one that is rickety and unstable with a turbulent river below. Do what is best for you, Meg. I hope you're doing okay tonight. I know you're hurting. Just know that you're not alone ... these many days of change and riding the rollercoaster have got to be something that we need to go thru, God only knows why, but we will come out the winners in the end. I just can't wait for the day when I can wake up and not have this nightmare on my mind. I bet you feel the same way.<P>We're all blessed for having this place to come to, and finding people who understand and care. It's not a virtual place to me, I know there are REAL people on the other end of this wire. God Bless!<P>Comforted and well,<P>Jo

Jo, I'm not going to say the reasons I think you shouldn't call him. What I will say is make something out of your vacation! You have an obligation on Wednesday. What are you doing tomorrow? You live in a beautiful part of the country. Mt. Ranier is right there. How about driving to the top tomorrow? If you have a cell phone, leave it at home. You have a lot of people praying for your favorable test results and for your strength to get through this difficult time with your H. You might think you're alone but you're not. There's nothing you can do about a test result in one day. Please, Jo, get up early tomorrow and take a day trip. Maybe you'll have an epiphany.

Ok Jo, you done so well so far. I know you're scared and afraid and lonely, but you know as well as I do that being with your H right now is not really what you need.<P>He would only manipulate you and you would end up feeling worse. You need to protect yourself right now and the only way to do that is to stay away from him. <P>Mine is in withdrawal since OW has gone home to her husband. Everyday I will spend with him, struggling with his addiction to her, pretending that I don't want to take his head off, trying to be nice, settling for the least he has to offer. And it could still be you in my shoes...all you have to do is get back on the ride by giving him what he wants. <P>Jo, it's not over til it's over and making a lovenest does not mean it is going to last.<BR>My H has made several attempts to settle in the "lovenest" trailer house and has never been successful for any period of time.<P>Hang in there, you're doing the right thing. I just wish I had your strength and could do the same. I'm trying to just emotional distance myself...a type of withdrawal.<P>I'm praying that your tests come back good and you get to feeling better. <P>Buffy

DRIVE to the top of Ranier? <P>Well, no. But Lonesome Heart is right--nature is what you need!!!<P>My last duty station before getting out of the army a year ago was Ft Lewis--right there in your country. When H dumped me, the kid and I went up to Ranier all the time and it was just the medicine that fixed it, a good hike is what got the pain out of our systems for awhile. <P>About, I'd say, a mile and a half from the gate of the park, you'll come to a bridge crossing a little creek. There is a trail head right there after the bridge. I think it's called Indian Meadows or something like that. It starts out very flat and easy and escalates--you follow the creek, but winding two miles up the mountain. It is SO beautiful. I was able to hike it carrying a toddler in a backpack, so it's not that hard. But it is very invigorating.<P>This is what I like to do the very most--a long walk is the best way to sort things out in your head, give yourself some extra resolve. It makes you FEEL proactive, even if it does nothing to solve your problems. And it's so good for you! So, it was wise of you to take time off--not good to sit around the house and see all that you have built with him right in your face, but wise cuz you have time to do all kinds of fun things and treat yourself. <P>This is one thing that I got out of the army--excercise is the best natural relief for stress and depression. Whenever you are having a hard time in life, and your mind is in overdrive, you have to get your bod in gear to help blow off some steam.<P>Just wanted you to know how much I admire you and what an inspiration you have been to me. You did not deserve what you got out of life--<P>But then again, I have this theory that just might be crazy: I think that before we came to this earth, before we left God to be born, we might have sat down and planned out our lives. We analyzed some of the areas where we might need strength. We thought about some of the things that we wanted to learn, some habits that we wanted to aquire, like humility, forgiveness, patience, wisdom. The only way to aquire these habits was to find them through experience. And then we made pacts with those we loved to enter our lives at some point and help us learn these things. We carefully chose special people to be with us in our lives. Some to interact with us for a short time and then go on. Some to share our lifetimes with us.<P>Could it be that once you and your husband chose each other with love to endure this experience? And could it be that when you have accomplished your goals in this lifetime you will look back together with satisfaction that you learned patience and how very deep your love can be, and that he learned repentance and humility, and that you two could have not accomplished these things without one another?<P>Maybe I am preaching from my crackpot religion, but I am pretty certain of one thing--this little life is not all there is. In fact, it's really pretty insignificant, except for the things that we learn in it. All the bad things that happen to us--in the end, they are all necessary for our developement. I like to look at it this way.<P>At any rate, you know that someday, maybe someday soon, you will reflect on all this and smile, perhaps laugh. You will feel so proud of yourself and what you have overcome. You will say to yourself: "I persevered with grace and fortitude, I made good decisions, and even more, I helped others along the way."<P>Believe me, tonight on my walk, I was reflecting back on some of my highschool and college romances and how so used and abused I was by some people, and how I thought it was the end of the world when some of them walked away and didn't look back (of course the world didn't end, but being a foolish young person, I didn't know it wouldn't end.) Now I think of my past and see how well I did, and sometimes how silly I was. But most of all, how I overcame and am a better person for it.<P>You are right for being strong and not calling him. It is hard for you to sit there and wonder if you are doing the right thing--sometimes, what you feel and what you know is right are two different things, we all know this after having dealt with infidelity. But I think that you are doing fine.<P>Take that hike. I think you will feel good if you do.

Resilient,<P>I like what SweetPea suggested. Just visualize him thinking he is the man. <P>Now is the time to stay strong. Do you think you miss him because you want support due to physical illness? I know when I am sick I want my Grandmother. She was the best when it came to taking care of me. I do pray that you get better.<P>Think of your Plan B as a way for him to get all his needs met by the cow. I am sure you filled his love bank up before you went into stealth Plan B. He needs to understand what life will be like without you. <P>Hang in there. I know you can do it.

Jo, Don't call him. I like what Sweet Pea said, it is just a ego boost to him. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with health concerns along with all of this. I know you feel that you need his comfort right now but I don't think he can give you what you need and you will just get hurt yet again. Call your Mom, Dad, siblings or any one of the other people in your life who love and care for you. They can give you the support you need. Not to mention all of us wonderful people on this site. <P>Jill

*lol* I don't know about Mt. Rainier! But I think that everybody here is right. It seems like it's been a long time since you've taken time out and thought about <b>you</b>. There are 3 gorgeous mountains in our state, there's Oceanshores (which is fabulous!). Semiahmoo, here in Blaine where I'm at is a wonderful resort - plus Tom Selleck lives up there (talk about a way to forget about your H! Sorry, I'm in a silly mood today!) Go to Gene Juarez and spend the day getting pampered (do you have any of your H's credit cards still laying around? *lol* I'm kidding, really! ) Read a Terry McMillan novel, rent a good movie, ANYTHING but call your H! Seriously though, you have enough on your plate without worrying about your H. It's hard, I know, but it is soooo therapeutic to do something that is for yourself.<P>And keep us updated on how your test results come out. We all care about you and how you're doing. God Bless!<P>Ali

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>DRIVE to the top of Ranier? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Ok, ok, you don't DRIVE to the top of Mt Ranier, but at the time of the post I couldn't remember the name of the lodge. Resilient could drive up to Paradise Lodge for a soothing cup of tea and see a breathtakingly beautiful mountain up close. The hiking is fabulous, but if time or ability doesn't permit, it's still worth driving up there just to clear some cobwebs from the brain. <P>What'd you do today Jo? Is anyone else having realllly slow pages and trouble posting?

Hi Lonesome Heart,<P>How are you?<P>I've never been to Rainier, I'm thinking about taking a trip up there this week-end tho. Based on your good advice and the reports I'm looking forward to it.<P>You always post to my posts LH, I appreciate you being there and helping me out when I need it. I hope I can reciprocate the caring for you when you are in melt down. Thank you.<P>And yes, it takes a bazillion minutes to access a thread, TPT (thru put time) sucks too. I think there's lots of server activity, sure hope we're not crashing again. If so, hope Steve has fixed the error msg handler. It seemed to P/O alot of members.<P>Be well LH and God Bless!<P>Jo