Hi,<P>H came home a little while ago and got some stuff together to stay at a "friends" tonight. I acted very normal and happy. You are not going to believe what he asked me. He asked if I was still going to make his lunch for work in the morning. He also asked if I was going to go shopping and get him some clothes for his business trip to California. Apparently he wants what comes with having a wife except for the love and committment. I guess it shows who is the giver and who is the taker in this relationship. I kind of looked at him and said yeah right and laughed. He just gave me a funny look and didn't say anymore. When he left I happily said good bye and have a good night and that I would see him tommorrow. He looked so hurt. It just makes me laugh, what does he want anyway. He apparently is not ready to let me go as his wife, aka errond girl. I guess I just don't get it at all.!<BR>Anybody have any better insight on this then me?<P>Jill

Hey Jill,<BR>You are not alone..My H used to ask me to do all kinda stuff while he was having EA. When I look back then I really feel I was used.. He asked me to buy some clothes, fix his lap top, and send it by fedex etc... AND I did all of them. Then one day he came back late and had to leave in a couple of hours(for a months) and I waited for him to come back then when he did I was too tired and slept. He got sooooooo mad it was unbelievable.. he wanted me to pack for him. He was very very resentful then. And it was soon after EA became PA. Are you in Plan A(doesn't sound like it..)? You sound very hurt(I know you are angry). I'm very sorry for that... When I'm hurt I tend to become pretty silly.. Just count how many days you have to spend with your H till he moves out(try to be funny..)<BR>Take care,<BR>Meg

Hey, my H was the same way during what I suspect was the intense EA portion. Now he doesn't ask for anything. (it's a PA now)<P>It is very difficult to live with the confusion. They say Plan A, plan A, plan A.

Hi Crazy:<P>I've been reading your posts the last few days and I was just wondering....what do you plan to do?<P>You found him a place to live and invited him to leave with a farewell "I don't love you anymore." What now? Do you have plans to impliment the MB principles or is it just over.<P>I find it interesting that this is the second time in a year your H has done this with different people. This doesn't appear to be a fog situation...this sounds more like a soul searching for something.<P>I can say this because it is so familiar to me. My H is just like this...although the OW has been the same each time. Popeye had interesting analysis of his coming and going last year as far as an EN not being met. Seems like he is looking for something.<P>My H had a strong father too, and all of this business began shortly after his father died...suddenly he didn't have to live up to his father's estimate of him anymore...he was free to fail as much as possible...and he has.<P>And I think he saw his father in me too...someone who he had failed...so I get left too and he finds someone who will accept him without judging...she thinks he is wonderful no matter what he does. Self-esteem problem? Yes...but what do you do?<BR> <BR>I don't know what the solution is...try to build up their self-esteem through liberal doses of admiration and affection...let them so and get on with your life...let them go and then wait for them to crash and burn...wait and see what happens while giving them all the love and support you can. For me the last choice is the only option. What do you think you will do?<P>Buffy<BR>

Crazyorwhat,<P> I have a suggestion, buy "Woman Who Love Too Much", by Robin Norwood, and read it.<P> I quit packing my H lunch, making his phone calls, running his errands etc 10 yrs ago after reading this book. Doing these things for him made me his mother. I never wanted to replace his mom, I wanted to be his partner.<BR> I'm not saying I never run an errand or do him a favor when he needs me to, but it is not my responsibility to see that his lunch is packed or his perscriptions are filled. He is an adult, not one of my children. This helps them realize that you are the wife/partner not the mommy they couldn't wait to get away from.<P> Read the book<BR> Good Luck<P> Toni<P>