Okay.... here it is.<P>the weekend was baaadddd. <P>but the weekend was good <P>Thursday night my sister went out to a bar. She is married. She is very flirtacious when she is away from her husband. As a matter of fact.. she has not actually had a PA but not far from it.<P>Well, my husband is a assistant manager at a feedlot here. When he got to work Friday morning.. apparently a few of the guys from the processing crew.. "met" his sister. in.law. They proceeded to tell him what a hot piece of material she was.... blah blah blah. He was floored. He said it brought up so much of my affair.. it ruined his day. He reallly felt for my sisters husband. (He doesn't know what she does.....and wouldn't listen when i tried to tell him she is not very faithful to him away from him).<P>Friday night he came home very mean and angry. Nasty even..... I was totally take fro suprise because i did not know what had take place but he acted like i had done something... *** i looked deep inside to make sure i hadn't**<P>we ended up in a really bad real bad love bustin' fight... i ended up throwing my address book and rings at him and demanding a divorce for his constant meaness.(bad girl i know)<P>we went rounds all night. He got a lot of stuff off his mind( Dr. harley would be pulling out all his hair right now). He yelled, he screamed, he called names(not a whole bunch but some) he yelled some more, he cried, he frankly just lost it.<P>But, he needed it. He needed to get angry with ME. He has spent thses last 7 months angry at OM, at my mother, at my sister, at the world..... but not ME. Finally, he got angry at me. Now i am not saying this is the right way to handle things but.. he is a new man. He looks 10 yrs younger.. he is happy when he gets up in the morning. He has been so domesticallly supportive,, i can not help but be affectionate, and loving, and responsive to his needs.<P>I feel better also. I needed him to be angry at ME. I had to take account for what ihad done but could not wholely. I had some but i was still petting the sin.... still keepping those "romantic" thots and crap. It cleaned closets and cleared paths to allow some new stuff to take place.<P>I am not saying this is "oh happy day" all will be well.... but it is a start. This can be a beginning. I have my husband back.. the one who i love, the one i respect, the one i enjoy spending time with. <P>I did get to the bottom of his thots lately. You see, he works with almost all men. All very attractive, young men. They have all made comments about how what an attractive wife he has... he felt like the way they said it was...like he didn't deserve me or something. But the comments about the attractivewife made him feel very jealous. (I offered to shave my head and try to get really ugly...) but i reassured him no one can compare to him and that i love him very much and that i really miss my best friend, my lover, my confident. He really was al that before my vision got clouded with selfishness.<P>I am glad i came back here. You all hve been soo great in giving me insight to what could be up.... <P>although, i am sorry we all have to be here at all...... <P>God Bless you all,<BR>mercy<P>** I can do all things through Him<BR>

Thanks for sharing! What a strangely cool post! It's funny how good things, progressive things, can come out of not so good things. I am glad that you two were able to benefit from your blow up. It's probably true that betrayers need to feel "punished" in some way and that betrayeds need to feel vindicated. Now that it is out of your system, I hope you continue to progress!

Hi Mercy,<BR>There's another affair book out there, TORN ASUNDER by Carder, that talks much more about processing anger after the affair.<P>A rip-roaring fight isn't in Harley's plans or rules, but it is strange that it can clear the air if you both have been walking on eggshells--which I personally think is not Harley's aim, because even if you aren't hurting each other, you aren't communicating well, either. With a breakdown like you guys had, you do find out what the other person is thinking...at least at that moment, and sometimes that's more than manageble.<P>Some of us are of firey dispositions (who me? ) and we can't bear to be bottled up for long, of course, learning new ways to do things is BETTER. But in the midst of an arguement, sometimes you suddenly see the other person as they are, or as they were and it is a FAMILIAR sight.<P>You know enough not to use this as the way to solve your communication problems, but getting angry and receiving the other person's anger can be a step to healing. Anger is a stage of grief, and after an affair, there is grief of a kind on both parts.<P>Now, you two, go work on forgiveness, as unforgiveness also leads to a bitter anger that you want no part of.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Mercy,<P> Glad to hear of your progress. My thought is that this is like putting a band aid on a wound. The wound was open and sore and now has been cleaned up and bandaged. Keep taking care of that wound and help it heal.<P>I'm praying for you.<BR>Joe

Amen Mercy, Amen ! It took a really bad blow up on my part several weeks ago to make my h see how desperate I really had become for him to start showing me a little attention and affection ! Well that and then spending six days in the hospital to show him how empty it is around here with out me.<P>I was able to get some of the hurt and frustration out that he could be so loving and affectionate to his ow and treat me so coolly that I was getting frost bite even tho his last affair ended about two years ago.<P>Sometimes ya just have to get it all out.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/</A> <P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A><p>[This message has been edited by Bozos_ Deb (edited August 23, 2000).]