You know what? it jsut registered that your husband had an affair too..<P>can you tell me a bit about it? Who was the bs first and how long after that did the affair of the other spouse start?<P>If it is too painful to go through it is okay.<P>I just wondered how in the heck you deal with being a BS and WS...... what a baaadd rollar coaster ride i never want to encounter.<P>HOw are you doing?<BR>mercy<BR>

Mercy,<BR>I've often thought I must come across kinda schizophrenic on the boards, depending on my posts for the day addressing being BS or WS. It truly is a rollar coaster no one should ride.<P>I was first, with discovery nearly 11 years ago. OM was a former co-worker. All I can say is I was immature, selfish & lonely and regret it deeply, I would cut it out of my life without a backward thought. I ended it upon discovery. The really odd thing is the very week that Guard left me 2 years ago, that OM called me, said I was the only woman he could see spending his life with. Yeah, sure. He stopped by my store. Honestly, he looked like devilspawn, just evil. I told him to leave me alone. He got married a couple months later.<P>2 1/2 years ago my H started his affair with a co-worker. He has said that it was not retaliation...and I believe that, who would wait 8 years? But he also said that the fact that I had had an affair made it easier. Ouch. As far as I know there's only been work & email contact since Oct 99. I believe she is out of his life, still dating Guard's former housemate.<P>This winter/spring, in our last separation, I got involved with a male friend. Since I'm back with my H, I now think of this as an affair, but at the time, I thought I was just moving on with my life. He's now married<P>Guard & I are doing good. He still hasn't completely unpacked his stuff from moving home, but, I'm trying to look at it as at least all of his stuff is here in our house. We went to our counselor on Tues, and he agrees that we're doing good. There are rough spots, on Mon Guard helped a single female from his office move to a new house. It took a bit longer than he said it would and I didn't exactly LB, but my questions were pretty pointed. <P>A lot of the time Guard would prefer not to talk about things that trouble him, "let sleeping dogs lie", I want to dive in. I smother, he distances. Oil & water. It's who we are, we recognize it and are trying to find that middle ground where we can both communicate comfortably.<P>It really makes a world of difference when you are both intent on making the marriage work, that way, when one falters, the other hopefully stays strong and the whole thing doesn't fall apart to ground zero. We spent a long time at zero, or in the neighboring pit ...and I'm tired of the view there.