I have been on this web sit for many months now. My Husband has been back for almost 2 months now.(for the 3rd time) He said he really wanted to work on our marrage but I sure don't see it. I am so tired of putting in 200% and getting nothing back but hurt. He has not been honest with me which he said he would and I keep finding him in one lie after another. He has still kept in contact with OW to this day. As a matter of fact he is leaving tonight as soon as I get home to pick her up from the hospital and spend the night with her if need be. He said it was a promise he made to her when they were still together and he has to be there for her because she has no one else. OK what about his wife??? I'm so confused and hurt right now. I have cried till I can cry no more. I'm trying so hard not to do any LB but it's all I can take since he was not there for me when I had my surgery 6 months when we were togther. Please somebody give me some direction of where to go!!!

As long as there is contact between your H and the OW you cannot rebuild your marriage.<P>Right now he is having his cake and eating it too. Please look into Plan B.

I can't offer much other than my prayers, I'm sure this is very hard for you.<BR>I do believe in the idea that the WS must stop all contact with the OP. You have to decide if you want to insist upon that with your husband. I hope it works out for you.

Thanks for the prayers. I'm sure going to need them tonight. I dread going home. Plan B might not be a bad idea. I have to think of what to write him in a letter because he would never sit down and talk about it.<BR>

Hadit, I am so very sorry that you are going through this! I am in the very same situation as you---my H has kept constant contact with OW. Doesn't even try to hide it anymore, which almost makes it worse to handle.<P>Plan A your heart out----I know it's very, very difficult, but try as much as you can.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you!<BR>

Hadit and HurtinginIL,<P>You guys have it. Plan A Plan A Plan A and here's why.<P>While your H is still living with you, you want him to think of you as understanding, to LB goes nowwhere but down. Plan A is NOT for wimps. (fot that fact neither is Plan B or anything to do with surviving an A).<P>If you Plan A now you will be making Deposits to their love banks, I guarantee it. It might seem useless and not acknowledged, but it will make you feel better about yourself too. Thats the whole idea behind Plan A, it's for you ... you work on YOU and while doing it you're are simply being nice to H. Just be nice to him, put on your Infidelity Filters and just be nice to them.<P>I know what I'm talking about. I Plan A'd my H for 7 mos while he was blantantly seeing OW. It was shear torture!!!<P>After the 2nd month of Plan A, my H started coming around. He told me I had been SOOOO wonderful and Good (Good???? Barf, Barf, Barf!!!) but he did say that several times.<P>Then after he left I was certain I'd never hear from him again, well 1.5 mos into separation he started to call me and tell me he's been spending alot of time alone and thinking. Said he missed me and loves me but is afraid of our relationship due to my possible resentment.<P>But the idea is .. he missed me BECAUSE I made deposits to his Love Bank, IT WORKED! <P>I showed him respect when he didn't deserve it, I took care of him when I was very sick, I supported his choices without his acknowledgement, I gave and gave and gave and he took ... and of course I loved him without receiving any love back. It was so damn hard to do but I did do it (with the exception of a couple instances of LBs <P>When I think back ... I know it was the single hardest thing I have ever done. I can't remember anything in my life that took every ounce of my being for seven very long months. I was exhausted when he left and slept for a very long time.<P>I hope I've helped. If you want to talk to somone else who is a good Plan Aer while H is living w/her, talk to Lora, she Plan A'd her H for an entire year. <P>God Bless!<P>Jo<P>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 25, 2000).]<P>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 25, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 25, 2000).]

Resilient, Thanks for that reply. I just need to take a deep breath now. He is gone to take care of her now. When he left I told him to call be before he comes home. I also wanted him to take the van because that is is his but no, he is taking my truck. She is going to be in MY TRUCK. Not only does she come into MY HOUSE, which I caught them yesterday, but my truck too. He told me he was taking tools over there to put up a gate for her. OH HOW NICE!!! I really don't know how much more of this plan a stuff I can take. This has been going on since April of last year. I have been doing plan A since Sept. of last year. Just when I think that things are going good he pulls the rug out from under me. We are to be moving into a new house next month. I'm so scared that everything is just going to fall apart. That's why I'm still here trying to keep it together.