Here I am again. I found her phone number on a old office cell bill. It is the only one at home. I was filing it and was called to the attention of NY--<P>I couldn't help it, I called it. Now my phantom has a voice. With an obnoxious accent! I hung up. But now I am affraid I may have really screwed things up. If she has caller id, then she knows a call was made from here. She may have not know H's home#, she may now. There is supposed to be no contact, but she blew it and called last Friday, and she may call again wondering what he wanted. They will both figure it out. And we are back to zero, again. <P>The thing that hurts the most is the list of calls were on a sunday, last July, the day we got back from Europe. Apparently my 15th anniv was a sham too. Yes he called and called and looking at the min. uses, he talked to her 42 minutes with a few 2-3minute breaks in between. I am sure I must have been home, or he went to the store. Then 2 hrs later he called again, blowing it by dialing the number direct, then remembering and doing it again. Even though he hooks up with the Co. LD card, it still shows the min. used. 8:48 in the PM, Sunday. I probably thought he was talking to his parents. 28 min. The bill continues to show these out of town call from his cell daily, many times a day, the longer minutes are when he got her. He calls her I am assuming 5-10 times a day. Some of the calls are from me during his travel time in the car, but all long incoming are hers and all long outgoings are his to her, of that I am sure. Otherwise they would come through the company phone. No wonder he turned in his phone for a $250 phone that came with free long distance. He realized that it was hard to hide all that activity. That is even the first thing he said to me after telling me, "At least I used my cell phone, it was free." Yea, I sure was bent up over that...not to mention you just sabotaged my life!<P>I want to punch him! I want to wave this in his face and say you...you.... I am so sad and mad! He said a year, it really has been 15-16 months. I am crushed all over again. And I did it to myself. He doesn't know I know yet. I want to call her back too and tell her to get her mits off my man! I am going out of my mind!!! <P>Curiosity does kill the cat. I am now paying for it, my phantom has a voice.<P>New Question, old topic: Does anyone know the prefix to bypass caller id? I cannot access GQ I, to find out!<BR> <p>[This message has been edited by burnedspouse (edited August 24, 2000).]

I actually had conversations with 2 of the OWs. One called me, the other I called. I have all their phone numbers from the cell phone bills. Talk about agonizing.<P>All this stuff comes out in creepy drips and drabs. Even when they have been honest, the details suck. <P>My advice is let it go. You can't go forward when you are torturing yourself.

I'm right there with ya, Burned Spouse. My H still continues to call OW quite a few times a day (and the they work together, so he's actually with her 9 hours a day, too) from his cell phone. He knows I get the bills and look through them, so he doesn't even bother to hide it any more. He calls her virtually every time he leaves the house, or I leave the house to do an errand.<P>I have all her numbers, so I called her voice mail at work, just because I was dying to hear what she sounded like. Funny thing is, I could have sworn I was listening to a tape recording of myself. Maybe that's why he thinks that he's told me stuff when he hasn't. He's actually told OW and gotten us confused...<P>It really stinks, but I try not to obsess about it so much anymore. Believe me, that's been hard, but I'm trying....<BR>

Hurtin...<P>I agree this drip drop of info is killing me. My H has not decided yet who he wants, and is going through withdrawls. He has hardly spoken in a week. It was an accident I found it. You dcan see how things have been lately in "deterioration." <P>i went through the business trip calander again after and realized after the first P act, he could not have seen her in person until Dec '99(7 mos.) unless she met him on another trip. I am really starting to wish I had pressed for the details I wanted that first nite he told me. He has not answered a question since (8/5.) I am so angry and hurt, I am in shock, almost, again. I have tried all afternoon to let it go and my mind won't. D-day isn't far enough behind me, and we are making no progress. Thanks so far!<P>Any more input!! ??

Just hang in there. When was D Day for you--8/5? I apologize, but I'm not familiar with your story. It's been almost 5 months for me and we're pretty much where we started back in April. Getting along better, but no closer to a decision, I don't think. If anything, farther from it, becuase he's had both of us for so long now.<P>I'm so sorry that you have to go through this...you're not alone--keep hanging out on this board and get support from your friends here!<BR>

*67 before you make a call blocks caller ID.

Thanks Fairydust! <P>If I get the urge to call when she might actually be home, or not....it is hard to put away some urges. <P>BS

I know where you are with the cell bill. I studied and studied the one I found, got angry when I thought about different times he had called her when we had been together a short time before, calls on "special" days, the enormous # of calls and the $$$. I did call her a couple of times, but I don't know how much of what to believe of what she said or if she was amused by the whole thing. I finally threw that old bill away, a year later. Felt I had to keep it in case I ever saw her phone # or pager # anywhere again, but I am more secure now.

It's hard for you that H is in two minds. Please do yourself a favour and start looking after your health, your physical beauty and take one step at a time. Try to get some leisure time and doing things with friends who care and support you. GET YOUR LIFE BACK. That is the least you can do for people who still care and love you. Do not self destruct but be brave and try slowly and gently to put your life back in a better shape. Be KIND to yourself. Pray every time you feel like dying and you need to slowly rise above the situation and see the world with wiser albeit sadder eyes. <P>I hope you can be happy in one year or so time as you struggle to come to terms, forgive and move on. You will be a better person and more focused about what you want in life. <P>I don't think there is anything wrong with being curious about the OW who stole your H. Who wouldn't want to know everything about the OW - is she better in this or that or ...? But at the end of the day , we know the nature of most men, how thay can go for another woman for any reason. So, it really is hard to figure sometimes. She may have a nicer or more awful voice but the A already happened. You cannot get much from listening to OW's voice or seeing the clothes she wears , etc.<P>Please try to set aside a time for sorting this mess out and if you can get some answers from your H. If your H is not forthcoming and is still undecided, there is little you can do wit him except be KIND to yourself and try to BE STRONG, BE COMMUNICATIVE< BE GENTLE BE JOYFUL (different from happy) IN GOD's LOVE and Others' support.<P>I hope I make sense. <P>I hope you have a better day. Stop tormenting yourself. Read "forgive and forget - healing with the hurts you do not deserve" by Lewis Smedes. It will help you to forgive and start afresh for your own sanity and well being.