I am so confused on this. I don't want to love bust but we can not afford the bills, loans, house payment, and H setting up house with OW and her son.<P>We need both our paychecks to pay what we have now. He had to have expensive toys. If we wanted something we bought and worried about it later. This senario is part of what I think brought our current situation on in the first place. Finances - feeling trapped - depression/MLC - EA - jump from one family to instant new one. But this is certainly not going to help the financial siuation. Now money will really be tight.<P>He is still spending as before. He even used my credit card to take her to dinner and buy gas for their trip to the beach. Plus the month that I thought it was over I was actually financing their adventures and did not know it.<P>All the loans and credit cards are in my name or both of our names. The house and the home equity loan. Orthodontic bill for D. Her horse show/rodeo/horse care bills. School clothes and lunch money. She will be starting flute lessons soon.<P>I filed for child support. I can stop that any time. My lawyer does not like H proposed plan and even though she can make a legal contract, if he does not pay the lenders can still come after me anyway. She has another plan in mind after the child support hearing. <P>I just do not know what to do. I see the man I married but certainly do not hear the man I married. He says I just have to take his word that he will pay the bills he said he would pay. He has been lying to me for 8 months now. He still is and he gets angry so easily, and he can not talk in a straight line. Each time he brings stuff up it is a different plan.<P>Any suggestions. I stay quiet, cool and calm when this stuff is brought up, but I had told him what I was going to do if he left before he had actually left - of course then I thought he would be by himself to clear his head - not setting up a love nest.

IBelieve,<P>Sounds pretty much like my situation. I have contacted a credit management organization. They have helped alot. I also have gotten a second job. I work 6am-2:30p then 4 days a week I also work 3:30 pm- 9:30 pm. Sometimes you do what you have to do. H will have to have the kids those days. My H has always been a big spender and I have always put up with it and now I'm paying the price for keeping my mouth shut. My H moves into a house he has rented for him and OW and her kids on Sept 1. This is thge second OW he has done this with in the last year. Fed up you bet. <P>Jill

Are you both in D procedings? It soundss like it.<P>If not, then calling credit card companies that you hold private accounts with and advise of a non-use for H, or get a new acct #. Get a consolidatoin loan to lump your other loans, a credit co. can help here. Any cards you have together, cancel and put that debt into the consolidation loan too. Then he will have to get his own credit. Last, paychecks: get him to automatically deposit his through the company(If you can swing it ) and get a new private checking acct for your paycheck. If he won't set up electronic deposit, withdraw 50% after he deposits and deposit into your new acct. That should limit his spending $.<P>I don't have a job yet, but I am going to be getting one soon, and that is my plan. My H's card he will have to deal with alone, but the Mort. and the house bills will be paid easier. I have told my H that if he cannot reduce his enormous, selfish spending on alchohol and daily lunch on work days, I would take his cashcard and give him an allowance. He didn't like that. If I have to do the bills, then I must force that he not overdraw us all the time without even checking the balance! It is not fun to be the only one that worries about $.

No we are not in D procedings at this time and I do not want it to get that far.<P>I want to wait for this thing to fizzle out but I do not want to lose everything in the mean time. <P>I have my own account set up and I am transferring money over when he deposits it. He had direct deposit and stopped that about 3 months ago. He is depositing less and less each week. The house payment comes out of that account so I have to be careful what I transfer but he is not leaving me enough to pay the bills then.<P>I will not be able to get a consolidation loan on my own for what we owe and I had tried that with him 2 months ago and he wanted no parts of it.<BR>

So far no divorce just a seperation. I will make enough money now to pretty much keep up with the bills. Its the credit cards that I worry about. He has let them really get behind. I'm going to pay the credit counseling service every month for awhile. This is just for my accts. I have my own checking acct already and he has promised to give me money every month.