Of late, I have been wondering what my husband has been thinking (yeah, I know, don't we all?). As I have posted here, he is warmer toward me than he has been in a very long time, and really seems to enjoy being with me and talking to me. He has done most of the contacting up until now - I have done more lately with the funeral and wake situation, but will once again back off. However, based on some things he has said and done - again, nothing I can truly pinpoint - I have been wondering if it might be a good idea to let him know - somehow - that I would be willing to leave here to be with him. In other words, that I would be willing to quit my job and move out of the state with him. I don't know that he would believe that of me unless I found a way to tell him pretty clearly, but I sure don't want to just walk up to him and say "I would be willing to quit my job and move out of the state with you" or even "Gee, I sure do wish *I* was moving to Florida with you!" First of all - I don't need to run headlong into very painful rejection if that is what would happen and second, I don't want to look stupid.<P>However, I have been thinking about this: Our anniversary is coming up. We will have been married 11 years. I have been thinking about sending him an anniversary card - probably at work, because I don't want him to think I am trying to cause trouble between him and the slug. In the card I could write something regarding being willing to follow him to the ends of the earth (could even probably find a card that says that in the verse)... I haven't said the words "I love you" to him in a long time, although there have been many times I've wanted to (such as on our trip to Long Island on the motorcycle last week!).<P>I can't handle Plan B right now - I am about stressed to the max at the moment just with work. My blood pressure was a bit high at a doctor's appointment I just came from, and work is most likely the biggest culprit! But I also need him to know that my feelings haven't changed - I need him to know that <B>I</B> have changed.<P>What do you all think? And why?<P>What do you all think?<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Hi terri<P>Sounds like you know what you want. I think the book says that we are supposed to share our feelings good or bad. If you want to be with him and are willing to move with him, then tell him. You are still married to him so I dont see why you have to be worried about what the the OW thinks if you mail him something. Although if she got it first he might never see it. I vote that you tell him personally. Make sure you want it for the right reason.

Terri,<P>You know Plan A...<BR>You really know Plan A...<BR>i.e the first 2 rules of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Four Rules for a Successful Marriage</A>.<P>How you apply the other 2 rules...<BR><LI> <B><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3904_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Rule of Time:</A></B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention... and...<BR><LI> <B><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3903_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Rule of Honesty:</A></B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<BR>...that up to you.<P>In general, during Plan A...<BR>...it is almost impossible to apply them...<BR>...since by the nature of infidelity...<BR>...you get <B>no</B> honesty<BR>...and you get <B>no</B> time.<P>You've been given a little <I>more</I> <B>time</B>... (than most others)...<P>How much honesty you're getting is a big ???<P>Can you be honest with your H?...<BR>...and tell you're H about your internal thoughts???<BR>...I don't know.<BR>...you will have to ask yourself... is it worth it!<BR>...if the risk is worth it!<P><B>Total honesty</B> comes at a price...<BR>...in someways harder to have broken than even fidelity...<BR>...since it is a deeper "value"...<BR>...the foundation of "care" and "protection"!<P>I pray for your reflection on this one...<P>I really am praying on this one... <P>Jim

or, the next time it comes up in face to face conversation, you could try a little speech-type of ramble:<P>warning**example only**warning<P>he brings up moving....<P>you bring up...<P>"yeah, I'm a little jealous, almost wish I was going...getting a little of the proverbial 'wanderlust' in the bones myself, you know, wondering about a fresh start somewhere, new job, new place, new life..."<P>then of course, you have to dramatically throw back your hair, and laugh 'throatfully' <P>well, ish......you know what I mean !!!!! LOL...<P>so maybe a 'nonchalant' approach with a twist to gauge his reactions???<P><P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

OK the card is a good idea, but the part about being willing to go anywhere with him needs to be in your own hand writting, JMHO, of course.

Keep in mind, he is a guy.<P>Telling him you would follow him to the ends of the earth, may not translate in guy speak to "I would be willing to quit my job and move to Florida with you."<P>He might miss the point entirely, and you might take it as rejection and be crushed.<P>Terri, for as much time as you have given this, if he moves to Florida and you stay silent, how will you feel? Will you regret not letting him know?<P>Believe me, we all hate rejection, but if he really is going to move, maybe it is time to go for broke, so to speak. <P>If you do get crushed, maybe it would be for the last time and give you the closure you need. <P>Take care!