Dammit, tt!<P>Just want to react for you since you're being so calm about all this. That's good but don't be too hard on yourself when you're ready to blow off some steam. When that time comes--don't feel you have to hold it all in, Hon. Some days are gonna feel like it's all just too much.<P>You are very much in my prayers.<P>In my case OW very much wanted to have my H's baby but he said no way--that he would drop her if she tried. I thank her and I thank God she didn't try anyway. I think it would have killed me since we haven't been able to have children of our own. As it was I held my breath those first three months after my H broke things off with her. <P>If it had happened to me, I guess I would be checking out the Pregnancy/OC forum here as well. That would be my only suggestion for you. They might have some survival tool suggestions for you there. And there are a few of us here that have OC in the picture as well. Recovery can still happen. And you seem to have the strength and attitude for it. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}, tt. <P>God bless,<P>Leilana <P>